Questioning his enthusiasm

Dear Annie: I have been married for six months and am crazy for my hubby. He has back problems and some sexual issues that keep us from being intimate. At least, those are the excuses he uses for the fact that we don’t touch like we used to.

I recently came across some love notes to an ex-girlfriend, saying how they are going to be happy growing old together and how much he loves her. I pay his child support and love his kids like my own. He says he loves me, but I have doubts that he is being honest. He is constantly texting and emailing and never puts his phone down. He acts as if he is afraid I will look at it.

I’ve been hurt before by lies and don’t want to go through it again. What do I do?

— Scared and Lonely in Kentucky

Dear Scared: Were these recent love notes or old ones that you happened to find? If they are old, try to ignore them. He married you, not his ex-girlfriend. If they are recent, however, it could be serious, especially when combined with constant and secretive texting, calling and emailing. Married partners owe it to each other to be open and honest. Talk to your husband. If his answers don’t reassure you, the next step is counseling.

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Dear Annie: I am a small woman with large breasts. I did not buy these. For years, I’ve tolerated leering men and boys, suggestive comments, questions about breast enhancement and assumptions that I am of easy virtue. Some people are unable to make eye contact because they are staring at my bosom — not to mention the idiots who cannot possibly take me seriously in the business world because of my cup size. I was once refused a job because the supervisor was worried what his wife would think.

I have learned to deal with all that. But I have issues with the way other women treat me. Most take an immediate dislike to me. Men stare no matter how modestly I dress, and their wives and girlfriends glare at me, call me names they think I don’t hear and generally treat me like dirt. Even walking in public past a group of women seems to bring on the negativity.

We talk about bullying because of body type, but doesn’t this qualify? Women don’t seem to see the hurt they cause, the chance at friendship they miss or the chiropractic bills I have from hauling these things around. Breast reduction surgery is not an option for me right now. Please bring this to the attention of your readers. Some might recognize their behavior and make an effort to change.

— Too Well Endowed in Kansas

Dear Kansas: Women can sometimes ascribe negative traits to an object of jealousy. If your chest attracts their husbands and boyfriends, they need to find a reason to dislike you. We hope your letter serves as a plea for greater tolerance, but we also recommend you check to see whether your insurance covers breast reduction surgery since you have chronic back pain. You shouldn’t suffer needlessly.

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Dear Annie: “Connecticut” complained that her ex-husband pressured their kids not to invite her current boyfriend to their family events. You said that unless the kids stood up to Dad, nothing would change. We have dealt with a controlling ex-spouse for 30 years. She has never changed. And the kids don’t want to hurt her feelings, because she is still their mother.

A long time ago, we made the decision to celebrate birthdays and holidays before or after the actual day. It lets us have a great time with the kids without the stress of dealing with the controlling parent. And we don’t miss out on any celebration. — Lucky Grandparents

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.