Dear Annie: My son is in the second grade at a terrific private school. Unfortunately, there is an out-of-control boy who has been in his class since kindergarten. “Boyd” is in the principal’s office nearly every day because he throws temper tantrums, curses the teacher, bullies and otherwise behaves inappropriately. The principal usually lectures him and lets him return to the class he was disrupting, although this year alone, he’s been suspended twice for three days.

My son came home yesterday and told me Boyd put his hand on his private parts and began rubbing. My boyfriend immediately took my son back to the school to talk to the principal, but we can’t seem to get any answers about how to remove this child from the mess he is creating for the other students.

I love this school and hope my youngest child will get in next year. I’m willing to take matters into my own hands, so please tell me what to do about Boyd.

— Need School Assistance

Dear Need: Boyd’s behavioral issues would be better addressed through the school counselor or a psychologist. It is unfair that the rest of the class is held hostage to his behavior, especially when the school’s current response doesn’t seem to be helping. They should be dealing with this more proactively.

Try approaching the principal again. Explain that you want not only what is best for your child, but also for Boyd. The school already may have insisted that he receive counseling, or they may have called Child Welfare to check into his home environment. Right now, your choices are to remove your son from the school or teach him more effective ways to handle such disruptive behavior. The teacher should be able to help you with that.

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Dear Annie: I sent a check and a card to a friend’s son who graduated grade school last spring. I have not seen or spoken to this friend for nearly 10 years, since she moved out of state. The last contact we had was when she sent me a thank-you note for the wedding gift I sent her.

Her son’s check was cashed within days, but I have yet to receive an acknowledgement of any kind. Should I mention to my friend that my feelings were hurt? Or should I simply stop sending gifts, since this seems to be our only form of communication?

— California

Dear California: You are not obligated to send gifts to someone with whom you have no other contact. A simple card with your best wishes is sufficient. However, your friend’s son should have sent a thank-you note. Since it has been quite a while, it provides a good excuse to call your friend for a chat. While you are catching up, simply ask, “By the way, did Johnny get the gift I sent?”

Dear Annie: I feel compelled to respond to “Maine Husband,” the caregiver of a wife with multiple sclerosis. I, too, am married to a beautiful, intelligent, elegant lady who is wheelchair bound and suffering the ravages of multiple sclerosis. Although we have an incredible and loving aide who assists in the mornings, I am her sole caregiver. As caregivers, we work so hard at arranging, running and controlling our lives that it is easy to shut others out. Or, if help is offered, we say “no” because the helper may do things differently.

I’m sure “Maine” is exhausted and depressed. He needs to learn how to participate in the festivities on terms acceptable to him. He also should make arrangements occasionally to escape his responsibilities without feeling guilty. Most of all, he needs to learn how to request and accept help.

— Pennsylvania

Dear Pennsylvania: Thank you for your wise words.

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Dear Readers: Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Please consider opening your home to those who are alone on the holiday, and invite them to share your meal.

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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

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