Tuesday, September 23, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

She knows she should leave, but …

AnniesMailbox

By
From page A6 | August 03, 2014 |

Dear Annie: My husband has always been very controlling. I feel as though he puts me in a box and only lets me out when he decides it’s necessary. He always has to know who I am talking to and where I am every minute of every day. He is obsessive when it comes to texting and calling me, and if I don’t respond fast enough, he gets upset.

He has a very short fuse, but has never hit or shoved me or done anything physical. He doesn’t believe I should talk about our issues with friends or family, only with him. But when I try, he says he isn’t doing anything wrong and that I’m the one with a problem. He won’t go for marriage counseling. A few close friends and some family members are aware of what goes on and agree it is not right.

I’ve tried leaving a few times, but always return when he claims he will change. But, Annie, I know he will never change and don’t understand why I haven’t just left permanently. Of course, money is part of the problem, and we have two small children. I work full-time and still can’t make ends meet. I understand there is state aid to help me, but was told the waiting list is long, and it would be a year before I could get into any housing. I can’t live with my family. There’s no room.

I’ve always been an optimistic person, but I’ve become depressed over this. I keep to myself a lot. I realize now that this is how my husband was raised. He needs to be the center of attention at all times, and his parents believe he walks on water. Is there any hope to make this work?

— Any Light at the End of My Tunnel?

Dear Light: It can only work if your husband agrees to counseling so he can learn to loosen the chains. The fact that your husband hasn’t hit you yet doesn’t mean he won’t. Many controlling spouses become physical abusers over time. And abusers can be quite persuasive and charming when they need to be, which is why you keep going back to him. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) at 1-800-799-SAFE and ask for help.

————

Dear Annie: A friend of mine told me she is visiting family members in the Middle East for the summer. I wished her well and told her to contact me once she arrived. Three days later, I received an email from her stating that she’s made it! Yet, my gut instinct tells me that she’s no more than 10 minutes away from her house. When I hit “more” by her email, I noticed that her IP address is the same as it is when she’s home.

Is it possible for her to maintain the same IP address while overseas?

— With Great Concern

Dear Concern: Unless you are amazingly tech savvy, hitting “more” did not give you her IP address. More likely, it gave you the IP address of her email provider, which would not have changed from her previous email, regardless of her location. That means yes, she can have the same IP address you saw whether she is home or in the Middle East. So, the more important question is: Why are you so determined to believe that your friend is lying? It sounds as if you begrudge her this trip.

————

Dear Annie: After reading the letter from “Can’t Please Mother” I had to write. My mother was the same. She never appreciated a gift and always returned it or gave it away. My father gave her some wonderful presents, but she was never grateful. One year, Dad gave her a shotgun for her birthday. He was delighted when she gave it back to him. He kept it.

— T.

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    UC joins U.N.-supported Principles for Responsible Investment

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1

     
    Nature’s beauty is in our own back yard

    By Charlotte Orr | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Jury finds Dixon man guilty of mortgage fraud

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A1

     
    Harmony Award nominations sought

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Street Food Rodeo rolls into West Davis

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Wolk kicks off ‘Morning with the Mayor’

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    So you want to be an entomologist?

    By Kathy Keatley Garvey | From Page: A4

     
    Sheriff’s Office honored for safe-driving initiative

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    Baha’is celebrate 50th anniversary in Davis

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Downtown gift cards get a new perk

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Unscheduled landing

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4 | Gallery

     
    Free community yard sale Saturday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Forum will answer questions about new license law

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

    Pets of the week

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    Applications open for Biberstein grants

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

    .

    Forum

    Daughter has her own opinions

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    Brother’s drinking out of control

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

    Donors support school matinees

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    A big Explorit thanks!

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Teacher tenure becomes key campaign issue

    By Tom Elias | From Page: A6

     
    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

    We must not stand for perpetual war

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

     
    Don’t cut all the trees

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    A great Day in the Country

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    .

    Sports

    Davis field hockey team rights ship at Lassen

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    Devil golfers soar past Sheldon

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    Blue Devils bounce back against Pleasant Grove

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Running game powered Devils in first football win

    By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    UCD roundup: Aggie women reach finals of East/West golf tourney

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2Comments are off for this post | Gallery

     
    U11s get a win in an eventful weekend of youth football

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3 | Gallery

    A’s support Samardzija in a win over Angels

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

     
    .

    Features

    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    Carol L. Walsh

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Tuesday, September 23, 2014 (set 1)

    By Creator | From Page: B5

     
    Comics: Tuesday, September 23, 2014 (set 2)

    By Creator | From Page: B7