Dear Annie: My wife of 25 years feels that emailing and texting male friends is nothing to be concerned about. By accident, I discovered she had visited one of these men when she was supposed to be at her girlfriend’s for the weekend. She swears nothing happened. But I checked her laptop and found photographs of the two of them.
When I asked about the pictures, she claimed she was planning to send them to me but never got around to it. We went for counseling after the weekend trip, and things calmed down for a while. She ceased communication with that guy, as far as I can tell. But I recently found email evidence that she is still communicating with the other guy she knew from high school. They close their emails with “love you bunches” or “xxxoooxxx,” and I found one that said, “Good night, Sexy.”
My wife has no idea how much this drives me crazy. She sees nothing wrong with this communication. Could you expound on this type of affair and the potential harm it can cause? What should we do?
— Emotionally Drained
Dear Drained: An emotional affair is one of emotional, rather than physical, intimacy. There is no sex. However, there is deception, betrayal, intimate communication (texts, emails, phone calls) and an emotional connection to the other person at the expense of the marriage. Often, the person involved denies that it is any kind of affair, claiming it’s “only friendship.” But healthy friendships do not involve secrecy and lies and do not threaten the marriage. Please go back to counseling. Your wife needs to understand how her actions undermine your trust, and you both must work on ways to put your marriage back together.
Dear Annie: My friend and I enjoy writing letters and receiving things via regular mail. For my birthday, she told me to watch the mailbox because she was sending me something.
Well, long story short, nothing arrived. I did get cards from other people in the mail. She also has my email address, but no birthday greetings came that way, either. I don’t know what to do. Do I mention that nothing ever came in the mail, or should I let it go?
She’s always good about sending Christmas presents, and I send her things in the mail, as well, but this has me perplexed.
— Mailbox Mary
Dear Mary: Since this friend specifically told you to watch the mailbox, it means something was either lost in the mail or she forgot to send it. If the former, she probably is wondering why you haven’t said anything. If the latter, she is likely embarrassed. How good a friend? If you can casually say that whatever she meant to send never arrived, do so. Otherwise, say nothing. If she wonders why you haven’t acknowledged a card or gift, she will ask.
Dear Annie: This is for “R,” whose mother is type AB and whose grandmother is type O. A person with Group O blood does not carry either the A gene or the B gene. Therefore, none of that person’s biological children can be AB.
However, your advice about everyone involved getting tested was right on. As a person who performs blood typing, I can attest to the fact that I have surprised a few people who thought they were one type when in fact they were another.
— Jacksonville, Fla.
Dear Fla.: Thanks for correcting us. You are right that a Type O cannot produce a Type AB. But in exceedingly rare circumstances, an individual’s blood type can change. (This most commonly occurs after a bone marrow transplant). Mom could have been adopted, or more likely, either Mom or Grandma is mistaken about their blood type. Our main concern is the granddaughter’s desire that Grandma be unrelated. But even if Mom were adopted, Grandma still raised her. As far as we’re concerned, that makes her the mother.
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