Friday, December 19, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

She’s willing, he’s … not

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | November 27, 2012 |

Dear Annie: Six months ago, I reconnected with the guy I have loved since grade school. “Thomas” left after graduation to live in another state. I know he has schizophrenia, and I’m willing to take the risk. Even though I’m 18 and still in high school, I plan to become a doctor. I’ve done research and know what I’m up against. Thomas says he hears voices and sees dark figures, and he snaps sometimes, but it seems like he can refocus once I get him to concentrate on me.

Last Thursday, Thomas broke up with me. He apologized for breaking my heart, but he says his schizophrenia is getting worse, and he fears he’s going to hurt me. Annie, Thomas knows I love him and would do anything for him. I gave up sleep and time to make sure he knows I’m always here. I listen to him and hold him close when he gets upset. I never get mad at him. We have never fought.

I don’t want to lose him again. That happened once, and we didn’t speak for three whole years! I don’t want to go through that emotional turmoil again. I know people say I’m “too young” to understand what love is, but I believe I have a good idea. I need advice.

— Terri

Dear Terri: Thomas is telling you his schizophrenia is not under control, and he justifiably worries that he could hurt you or himself. Is he taking antipsychotic medication? He will need to do this for the rest of his life, and there are side effects. Schizophrenics also have an increased risk of drug and alcohol abuse. This is a lot of responsibility for anyone to take on.

We don’t doubt that you care deeply for Thomas, but you may be romanticizing your ability to “save” him. And your determination to have a relationship creates pressure that he apparently can’t handle. Please put his welfare first and simply be his friend with no other expectation, and encourage him to stick with appropriate medical treatment.

————

Dear Annie: Our son is marrying a beautiful woman from Mexico. The cost of the flights are more than his siblings can afford, not to mention the hotel, dresses, tuxes, showers, parties, etc. But we will help our kids because we know our son would be hurt if they didn’t attend.

The bride’s family may put us up at the hotel, which would be nice, but I don’t want us to look like moochers. Do we still offer to pay for the rehearsal dinner? We have told our son how much money we can give them for a wedding gift, and all of this will deplete nearly all of our savings. Any advice?

— Need a Money Tree

Dear Need: Please don’t spend more than you can afford. Tell your son you have a budget that will have to cover all costs, including the rehearsal dinner. If it costs more, he will need to pay for it himself. It’s OK to accept the offer from the bride’s family to put you up at a hotel. And it is not unreasonable to suggest to your son that he and his new bride have a reception later in your hometown for his siblings and other friends. We hope he can be reasonable instead of being hurt.

————

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Frustrated Dad,” whose son plays video games all night and sleeps all day. Our son was the same. When things crashed, it turned out he was hiding vodka, drinking all night and sleeping all day.

We had no idea our son was an alcoholic. Dad might want to check whether there is always a big bottle of mouthwash around.

— Dad Who’s Been Down that Path

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    UCD, UC team up to study effects of climate change

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Teens’ goal? Helping other soccer players around the world

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Sierra Club calendars on sale Saturday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Creative women share food, friendship

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Konditorei presents free holiday concert

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Welcome 2015 with Mumbo Gumbo at a gala bash

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Luminaria display planned in West Davis

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Blue Christmas service planned at Davis churches

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Willett bench is a labor of love

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A4

    Author! Author! UCD hosts talks, Q and A on Asia-focused books

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Libraries will be closed around the holidays

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

    See diving ducks at city wetlands tour

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    Downtown gift cards get a new perk

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

     
    A home for the holidays?

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A8 | Gallery

    Nobel Prize winner will discuss research related to autism

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

     
    Traditional carols service is Saturday at St. Martin’s

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

    Explorit: Experience nano this spring

    By Lisa Justice | From Page: A9 | Gallery

     
    Soup’s On will benefit NAMI-Yolo

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

    Donate to STEAC at Original Steve’s

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

     
    Supplies collected for victims of abuse

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

    Grandmothers support group meets weekly

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11, 1 Comment

     
    .

    Forum

    Cheers and Jeers: Have you ever seen the rain?

    By Our View | From Page: A14

     
    Defeating Ebola involves medicine, and prayers

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A14 | Gallery

    Kudos to Central Park Gardens donors and volunteers

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A14

     
    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A14

    .

    Sports

    Cousins is back in lineup but Kings fall

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Devil boys hold off scrappy Rio Linda

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Lady Blue Devils rout an undefeated Liberty squad

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    UCD RB coach Wright heads to Florida; what next?

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

    Aggies nab junior college defensive lineman

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    Nostra-Dunning makes his 2014 bowl picks

    By Bob Dunning | From Page: B2

    Tennyson’s first goal is the difference in Sharks win

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B6 | Gallery

     
    .

    Features

    Name droppers: Trio elected to academy of inventors

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

     
    .

    Arts

     
    DMTC announces auditions for ‘Sweeney Todd’

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A15

     
    ‘Before Midnight’ screening is tonight

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A15

    DMTC plans New Year’s Eve party

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A15

     
    Tom Rigney and Flambeau to play

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A15

     
    .

    Business

    After 19 years, Alfa Romeo returns

    By Ann M. Job | From Page: A16

     
    .

    Obituaries

    Rena Sylvia Smilkstein

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

     
    .

    Comics