Thursday, October 2, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Should the kids get involved?

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | March 27, 2014 |

Dear Annie: My parents are both in their 80s and don’t get around well anymore. Dad has a history of verbal (sometimes physical) abuse, and Mom has always put up with it. Recently, Mom has been cornering family members and telling them how crazy Dad is, that he screams at her all the time, hits her with his cane and pinches her. We had a domestic relations caseworker come to the house when Dad wasn’t home, and Mom told the caseworker that everything was fine and not to come back. She told me Dad would be upset if he found out.

My mother is in better physical shape than Dad, and I’m quite sure she could hurt him if she chose to. But she is becoming forgetful and making mental errors. She blames it on living with Dad. My father cannot deal with her mind going, so he yells at her even more. Despite that, she continues to make him dinner, put on his shoes and help him get around. My wife and I have begged her to come live with us, but she refuses.

She wants us to tell Dad’s doctor that he is crazy. I don’t think he’s crazy. He’s a depressed man whose body is failing. He was prescribed antidepressants, but won’t take them. Mom tells Dad that she’s sick of him, and he says he can’t stand looking at her. But apparently, they can’t live without each other. Any advice?

— Help

Dear Help: Some couples fall into a dysfunctional pattern of behavior and cannot envision living any other way. You cannot force Mom to confirm abuse to the authorities, nor can you make Dad take his antidepressants. Nonetheless, if your mother is showing signs of dementia, and Dad is abusive, you need to be more proactive.

Ask each parent whether you can accompany them to their doctor for a checkup. That will give you the opportunity to discuss the problem. You also can write the physician or call and leave a message with all the pertinent information. Please keep an eye on their situation, be attentive to Mom’s complaints, and try to get both of them out of the house, individually, as often as possible.

————

Dear Annie: How does one get a job in this century? Is it enough to send online applications and not follow up with a phone call or a visit to the business? Please help.

— A Wife

Dear Wife: Send applications in whatever form the company requests (most now prefer them to be online). If you do not hear back within 10 days that the application was received, follow up with a phone call or an email. If the company does not let you know whether or not they are interested within another two weeks, call or email again. Make sure your resume is current and include a cover letter. You also can check at your local library for assistance in putting the materials together and navigating the application process. Good luck.

————

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Concerned Mother,” who wants her son to notify her when he’s going out of town. If those people are in their 80s, it means their son is in his 60s. They don’t have any reason to need to know where he is. If he has a note in his wallet that says “in case of an emergency” and a contact, that’s plenty.

When do you get to live your own life? This is not a “close” family. This is suffocating. Old folks, go play golf. Take up bridge.

— Betsey

Dear Betsey: Parents don’t stop worrying about their children the day they reach adulthood. They always want to know that the kids are safe, especially when they are traveling and can’t be reached. How hard is it to reassure the folks with a call saying, “I’ll be in Italy for a week”?

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Davis, discovered

    By Fred Gladdis | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
     
    Sunder wants to expand opportunities for all

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1

    CalPERS members: Here’s how to choose Sutter Health

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

     
    Standing In: Sponge baths, and other perils of the restaurant biz

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A2

     
    At Davis intersections, let’s be careful out there

    By Kim Orendor | From Page: C2 | Gallery

    Oktoberfest features Grand Isle Fire Brigade

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Sunder supporters gather on Sunday

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

    Trokanski discusses new project on ‘Davisville’

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

     
    Learn more about Boy Scouts during upcoming events

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A3

    Third-graders face high-stakes reading targets

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A3

     
    Learn how to ride a bike in Davis

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Feinstein, Boxer depend on red-leaning Senate races

    By San Francisco Chronicle | From Page: A3

     
    Gallery hosts poetry night

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

    Parenting advice on radio show

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Archer event set for Sunday

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    Per Capita: Tales from the back burner

    By John Mott-Smith | From Page: A4

     
    Sunflower power at the Winters Community Library

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Tour gives opportunity to watch moonrise in the bypass

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4 | Gallery

     
    UC campuses aim to be more inclusive to LGBT students

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    Register to vote by Oct. 20

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Check out Soroptimists at info night

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Helping disabled ag workers stay in agriculture

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Energy plan calls for big renewables projects in state’s deserts

    By San Francisco Chronicle | From Page: A5

    Election programming available through Davis Media Access

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

     
    Yolo County flu vaccination clinics ready for the season

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

    Junior high students invited to math festival

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A5

     
    Shelter volunteers take on play time, poop detail

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5 | Gallery

    Unitrans persists through changing times

    By Lily Holmes | From Page: C6 | Gallery

     
    Farmers Market hosts Fall Festival

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8 | Gallery

    School spending by rich parents widens wealth gap

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A8 | Gallery

     
    Up for a fun day trip? Take a bike to Bike Dog

    By Elizabeth Case | From Page: C8 | Gallery

    Volunteers are trained to help with train questions

    By Bob Schultz | From Page: A10 | Gallery

     
    There are plenty of fun activities around town

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: C13 | Gallery

    Getting from here to there by buses, planes and trains

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: C14 | Gallery

     
    .

    Forum

    Feeling shunned after tragedy

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    Climate change is coming for you

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    A true vision for peace

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Drivers, just follow the rules

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Let’s fix the park deck

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    ‘Maupin’s Law’ 2.0: Prevention is better than punishment

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

     
    Choose Archer, Sunder, Adams

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Barbara Archer for school board

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Vote for change on board

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Poppenga considers all students

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    .

    Sports

     
    Despite 168 points allowed, PSU defense may not be lousy

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Bumgarner, Crawford help Giants slam Bucs

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Cheung paces Devils past Pacers on the pitch

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    DHS JV runners shine in varsity events

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

     
    Youth roundup: Diamonds swing to victories at Vineyard Classic

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

     
    Sports briefs: DHS girls tennis goes three for three

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B8

    .

    Features

    Davis robotics team pays it forward

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A7 | Gallery

     
    .

    Arts

    Natsoulas to host mural conference

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9

     
    Wineaux: Picking the last rosé of summer

    By Susan Leonardi | From Page: A9

    Odd Fellows to screen classic Westerns

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

     
    Robbie Fulks will visit ‘Live in the Loam’ on KDRT

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

    Old Macs get new life at art exhibit

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

     
    Woodland Opera House rounds up cowboy poetry, music

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

    Music for brass, choir and organ set at DCC

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

     
    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    Anne Elizabeth Elbrecht

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Thursday, October 2, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B6