Thursday, April 24, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Son’s mental illness becomes too much

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: Our 31-year-old son is bipolar. We did not realize how severe it was until a few years ago. He is a bright, gentle and articulate college graduate who can also be mean, self-centered and highly opinionated. When he takes his medication, he is cooperative and easy to live with. The problem is he won’t take his medicine consistently. He claims it makes him feel “slow.”

He has seen therapists over the years but refuses to continue, claiming they find nothing wrong with him. We have no way to know whether this is true. When he finally graduated a year ago, he received a nice inheritance check from his grandmother and ran through the money in two months, spending it on pot, gambling, clothes and prostitutes. There was little left to pay his bills, so he left his wrecked car in a vacant lot and walked back to our house. We took him in on the condition that he would resume his medication. We paid his lapsed insurance, the fine for getting into the accident, and the repairs to both vehicles.

We took him back to a psychiatrist who offered to treat him at low cost. We enlisted him in a program wherein the drug company provides his medication for free for one year. After two months, he got a good job, but three months later, he was laid off. We suspect he stopped taking his medicine.

We have had therapy, too. We have come to the conclusion that, although he may become homeless, we have to give our son a deadline to move out and seek a restraining order to keep him away. Is there a better answer?

— Parents at Wits’ End

Dear Parents: Your son is 31 and will deal with his bipolar disease in his own way, even if that means not taking his medication. Please encourage him to tell his doctor that one of the side effects is that he feels “slow” and to ask whether the meds can be adjusted. We agree that insisting he move out is a good idea. However, unless he is stealing from you or refuses to leave the premises, we don’t believe a restraining order is necessary. The National Alliance on Mental Illness offers a 12-week Family-to-Family program for those dealing with family members who are mentally ill. Please contact them at 1-800-950-NAMI (1-800-950-6264) (nami.org).

————

Dear Annie: I have been dealing with breast cancer for two years, and it has been quite stressful, but I always try to project a positive, upbeat persona.

I have lost a lot of weight throughout this ordeal, and it is naturally of great concern to me. Yet even people who know about my cancer treatment always bring up the fact that I have lost weight. “Boy, did you get skinny!” or “How much weight did you lose?” I find these remarks extremely upsetting.

Could you please ask your readers to be a little more sensitive about saying such things to people who are dealing with cancer? We know we have lost weight and don’t need you to bring it to our attention.

— Surviving

Dear Surviving: Many people don’t know how to respond in situations like yours and will say inappropriate things in an attempt to be nice. Telling a woman that she’s lost weight is often a compliment, and this is probably where their heads are. You don’t need to respond, and we suspect some of them are mortified after the fact. But we are happy to pass the word that such comments are not appreciated.

————

Dear Annie: I am 57, and my girlfriend is 10 years older. We “make love,” which is more than the physical act. While we enjoy the physical, it’s the emotional that makes us both feel loved. Sex by itself does not make me feel loved.

Love is giving, not demanding or requiring. And that is something both men and women fail to understand.

— Lucky in North Carolina

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Special to The Enterprise

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Davis Enterprise does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

News

Will city move forward on public power review?

By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1

 
 
4-H members get ready for Spring Show

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Obama to Russia: More sanctions are ‘teed up’

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2, 3 Comments

 
2 pursuits, 2 arrests keep Woodland officers busy

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

 
 
Conference puts focus on Arab studies

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Youth sports in focus on radio program

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Rummage sale will benefit preschool

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Concert benefits South Korea exchange

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Davis honors ‘green’ citizens

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Water rate assistance bill advances

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Program explores STEM careers for girls

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5, 4 Comments

 
Embroiderers plan a hands-on project

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Central Park Gardens to host Volunteer Orientation Day

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5 | Gallery

 
Volkssporting Club plans North Davis walks

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Hotel/conference center info meeting set

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
MOMS Club plans open house

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

 
Cycle de Mayo benefits Center for Families

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8

Author to read ‘The Cat Who Chose to Dream’

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A12

 
.

Forum

Things are turning sour

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B5

 
Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

The high cost of employment

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

 
High-five to Union Bank

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Broken sprinklers waste water

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Three more administrators?

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Neustadt has experience for the job

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Here’s a plan to save big on employee costs

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6, 4 Comments

Davis is fair, thoughtful

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Ortiz is the right choice for Yolo

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

.

Sports

DHS tracksters sweep another DVC meet

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Another DVC blowout for DHS girls soccer

By Evan Ream | From Page: B1, 2 Comments | Gallery

Young reinvents his game to help Aggies improve on the diamond

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
DHS boys shuffle the deck to beat Cards

By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1 | Gallery

DHS/Franklin II is a close loss for Devil softballers

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
Baseball roundup: Giants slam Rockies in the 11th

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
UCD roundup: Aggies lose a softball game at Pacific

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3

Jahn jumps to Sacramento Republic FC

By Evan Ream | From Page: B8

 
.

Features

.

Arts

 
Bach Soloists wrap up season on April 28

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A11

Congressional art competition open to high school students

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
Emerson, Da Vinci to present ‘Once Upon a Mattress’

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
Winters Plein Air Festival begins Friday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
.

Business

.

Obituaries

.

Comics

Comics: Thursday, April 24, 2014

By Creator | From Page: B6