Dear Annie: I have been married to “George” for more than 20 years. For most of this time, there has been tension (to put it mildly) between my husband and my mother. He rubs her the wrong way, she snipes at him, and he snipes back. I’ve had several conversations with them over the years, asking them to be more tolerant of each other, if only for my sake. That works for a while, but eventually, they return to their old ways.

What is bizarre is that my mother is normally a lovely, compassionate, considerate and caring person. She is a totally different person with George. I admit that my husband can be strong-willed and obstinate at times, but he has never deserved the treatment my mother gives him.

I try to see Mom separately in order to avoid the drama of their interactions, but there are certain family events and holidays when I would prefer not to choose between them. And it never fails that if I convince George to attend a family function, something is said that starts the sniping again.

Short of giving them joint counseling sessions for Christmas, what can I do?

— Caught in the Middle and Hate It

Dear Caught: Your mother may be jealous of your husband. This occasionally can happen with some parents when a child marries, and if you call it to her attention, she will consider the possibility. But it’s just as likely that your husband’s personality simply irritates her to no end. You cannot control how other people behave or whether they like each other. You can ignore them, see them separately or remove yourself when the sniping becomes too annoying. We recommend a combination of the three, as needed.

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Dear Annie: I am a 17-year-old male and a senior in high school. Lately, I’ve been feeling more depressed than usual. At first, I thought it was the stress of starting school again, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. I did a little research online, and I do have some signs that I might be clinically depressed.

I do not know what to do. Should I just ignore it? I mean, I’ve had it for a while already, and I don’t have any thoughts of suicide or harming myself. I do not want to tell my parents. They don’t need any more stress, and I’m pretty sure my dad would just tell me to “suck it up.” Please help.

— Stressed Out

Dear Stressed: Your parents should know about your depression, but if you cannot talk to them about it, please discuss it with your school counselor, a favorite teacher or one of your friend’s parents. If you have a checkup scheduled, talk to your doctor. It is normal to feel down in the dumps occasionally, especially when there are external reasons. But if the feeling persists, it may require some type of intervention. Please don’t wait until you are too stressed to cope.

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Dear Annie: Although my husband and I are only in our early 60s, we, too, feel the pain of being ignored by our adult children and can identify all too well with “Glendora, Calif.”

We understand their busy schedules, but they never call just to say hello or ask how we are. We have rare opportunities to see them — annual birthday parties for the grandchildren and weekend sporting events during the school years.

The sad thing is that we have done nothing to deserve this. We were always attentive to our sons and fail to see why we get this shameful treatment. I never ignored my parents, who both passed away last year. I always greeted them with a hug and a kiss, as well as an inquiry as to their well-being. Years ago, our son said that the worst thing in life is regret. He may find that out for himself someday.

— California

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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

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