Wednesday, October 1, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Suicide by another name

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | February 13, 2014 |

Dear Annie: I have a 75-year-old friend who was brutally beaten by an intruder. “Jim” allowed the stranger to enter his home when he claimed he needed to use the telephone. Jim suffered broken bones and a head trauma and spent time in a rehab facility. He still hasn’t fully recovered and is mostly confined to bed.

Jim has no close family. He abandoned his wife 38 years ago, and his daughter met him for the first time in October. She is his next of kin, and when Jim was in a coma, she had to make some tough decisions about his care. She is not able to be involved as much now because she lives far away. I’m in touch with her often, so she is aware of her father’s condition and says he is capable of making informed decisions. The police concur.

Jim is alone, depressed and alcoholic. I check on him daily. He’s promised not to kill himself, but he has given up on living. He has very little energy and barely eats despite the fact that food is provided. He just wants to lie in bed, smoke and drink vodka. And that’s my problem.

I have been meeting his requests for alcohol, but I feel guilty about it. I don’t want to contribute to his death by facilitating his drinking, but I fear that depriving him only condemns him to an even more protracted demise. Jim refuses to be hospitalized or return to rehab, because he will not be allowed to smoke or drink, and he wants to die at home.

If Jim is to recover, he needs to stop drinking, eat well and exercise, and it would be such a long and arduous road that he does not believe he can do it. Am I right to make him comfortable? Is this compassion or wrongdoing?

— His Friend

Dear Friend: We’re going to side with compassion, but please know what you are getting into. While Jim may tell you he is not suicidal, he is doing exactly that by a slower route. You cannot force him to choose life, but you don’t want to be overcome with guilt and remorse, either. (And frankly, drinking and smoking in bed is a fire waiting to happen.)

————

Dear Annie: Every gathering of my husband’s family means my mother-in-law has to control the day, the conversation, everything. It sucks the life out of me. Not once does she listen to anyone else or ask how they are. She never inquires whether I’m OK. There is never a sincere two-sided conversation. Somehow, everything reverts back to her and her need for attention. She does not get along with her in-laws and refuses to visit them. My father-in-law sees his side of the family on his own.

All I can say to every person considering marriage is: Open your eyes. If I had recognized this pattern earlier, as much as I love my husband, I wouldn’t have married into this family.

— Glad the Holidays Are Over

Dear Glad: We understand that she is difficult, but we feel sorry for your mother-in-law. She has no idea how to make friends or get people to like her. She must be a terribly unhappy person.

————

Dear Annie: You were dead wrong in your response to “N.,” who asked about helping his mother financially once her money runs out. He is under no obligation to support his mother after Mom blew through all of the money her husband left. This child has worked hard his whole life and owes his mother nothing. I would not pay that lady a dime. Mom chose to spend stupidly, and so now she has to live with that. He needs to just tell her, “Sorry, Mom, I am not a bank!”

— Cathy in Michigan

Dear Cathy: “N.” did not ask whether to give money to Mom, only that he wanted to provide for her, within reason. Setting up a limited monthly allowance (and no additional funds) would work and would be a kindness.

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

.

News

Sanity phase begins in Daniel Marsh trial

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1

 
Council looks at granny-flat revision

By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1

Man on a mission: transform Davis

By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Poppenga outlines ambitious agenda

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Cool Davis Festival is très chill

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Standing In: Is the therapy for them, or me?

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A2

California exhausts initial firefighting budget

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Brown allows new local development financing tools

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

Find the perfect club or organization to join

By Enterprise staff | From Page: C2 | Gallery

 
California becomes first state to ban plastic bags

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Forum examines Props. 1 and 2 on November ballot

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Assembly candidates will be at Woodland forum

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Pets of the week

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4 | Gallery

California approves landmark ‘yes means yes’ law

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

 
Try out basic yoga on Thursday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

DCC welcomes students with free lunch

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Gibson House hosts plant sale and garden event

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

Register to vote by Oct. 20

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Covell Gardens breakfast benefits Komen Foundation

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Put your hoes down and celebrate the harvest

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5 | Gallery

Panelists discuss raising children with special needs

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

 
DCC hosts fair-trade gift sale on Oct. 11

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Number of wheels: How many bicycles do you have in your household?

By Enterprise staff | From Page: C5 | Gallery

 
Emerson gives away old textbooks

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

Downtown history tour planned in October

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Fraud Awareness Fair set Oct. 15 in West Sac

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

UCD, University College Dublin will cooperate on food, health

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

 
Accessibility technology on exhibit at fair

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Woodland PD seeks volunteers for ViP program

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

DMTC makes musical theater accessible to everyone

By Bev Sykes | From Page: C9 | Gallery

 
Take home a wreath from Davis Flower Arrangers’ meeting

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

Snapshot: A night out with the neighbors

By Enterprise staff | From Page: C10

 
Davis school names reflect interesting history

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: C12

Snapshot: Plenty of places to park it

By Enterprise staff | From Page: C14

 
Snapshot: Dive into Davis fun

By Enterprise staff | From Page: C15

Snapshot: Kick garbage to the curb

By Enterprise staff | From Page: C16

 
Snapshot: Sounds like a party

By Enterprise staff | From Page: C17

.

Forum

It takes two to lambada

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
He seems happy at home

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

The great bedtime conspiracy

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
They’re best-prepared to lead

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Vibrant and hard-working

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Archer has the right stuff

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

 
Get on your bikes to meet Davis’ greenhouse gas goals

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

Marsh case shows need for ‘Maupin’s Law’

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

 
.

Sports

Only 15 months out of UCD, Runas off to LPGA Tour

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Davis golfers get teaching moments in forfeit win

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

‘Playoff game’ or missed chance? Either way the Aggies move on

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Devils move atop league standings with win

By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Two Junior Blue Devil squads emerge victorious

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

 
.

Features

.

Arts

 
Woodland artist hosts event at her new studio

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

I-House film series continues with ‘Monsieur Lazhar’

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

 
‘Art Farm’ exhibition will open in Woodland

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

Pleasant Valley Boys cool down Picnic in the Park

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9 | Gallery

 
Acclaimed guitarist Peppino D’Agostino to play The Palms

By Landon Christensen | From Page: A9

.

Business

.

Obituaries

Danelle Evelyn Watson

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
Michael Allen Hanks Baxter

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

Anne Elizabeth Elbrecht

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Comics: Tuesday, September 30, 2014 (set 1)

By Creator | From Page: B5

 
Comics: Tuesday, September 30, 2014 (set 2)

By Creator | From Page: B7