Wednesday, July 23, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Taking all the blame

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | November 15, 2012 |

Dear Annie: Last May, my children’s father committed suicide. He and I had split up two years before because of his violent ways. Despite my marrying another man, I still cared for my ex and worried about his welfare. I would even sneak him food and pay his electric bill behind my husband’s back. My husband occasionally would forbid my kids and me from having contact with my ex. He had a point.

My ex and I had attempted to reconcile in April, but I couldn’t do it. During the drive back to my husband, my ex phoned and begged me to return. I told him I was afraid of him. He yelled, “Nobody will ever have to worry about me anymore.” Twenty minutes later, I received a call from his brother, who found him dead.

I blame myself. His family does, too. I didn’t even go to his funeral, because some of his family members had threatened to kill me if I showed up. I feel terrible for my kids and don’t know how to cope. What should I do? Will my kids be OK?

— Distraught Ex

Dear Distraught: We are so sorry that you are experiencing this tragedy, but please know that you are not responsible for your ex’s decision to end his life. He sounds like a troubled soul who didn’t believe he had any other way out. Please contact Survivors of Suicide (survivorsofsuicide.com) and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (afsp.org) to find a support group for you and your children. They will be OK, but they could use some help, and they will need you to guide them.

————

Dear Annie: I am a 56-year-old professional man in nonprofit work. I am outgoing and reasonably intelligent, have a great sense of humor and generally like people. My observation and experience is that most men, especially over 40, have a difficult time making new friends. The married ones tend to rely on their wives. Others rely on family or long-term friendships. But men like me who don’t have wives, whose parents have died, who have no siblings or children, and whose old friends have moved away find it awkward and difficult to reach out.

My trainer is 45, outgoing, happily married with two great children, has both sets of parents still alive, is active in church, etc., and even he says he doesn’t know how to make new friends. I realize there is no one-answer-fits-all, but I’d sure like to know what you and your readers suggest for those of us who are trying to get out of the house, but don’t know where to go.

— Not Anti-Social or Addicted to the Internet

Dear Not: Find an activity that you enjoy and that involves other people. Look for community theater or choral groups. Volunteer at hospitals, schools, animal shelters, soup kitchens or for a political candidate. Park districts and local colleges may offer night classes for those who want to improve their education. See whether your health club has a regular spin class or an adult basketball team. If you can afford to travel, sign up for a group tour. We also recommend meetup.com, which facilitates finding people with similar interests of any kind. If our readers have more to add, we’re happy to print additional suggestions.

————

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Frustrated in the Midwest,” who is conflicted about his fiancée’s four kids and their lack of responsibility around the house. I’d tell him not to consider marrying that woman until her children are grown.

I married a man who had custody of two spoiled brats. He and I got along wonderfully, but with his two teenage kids in the mix, it was pure torture. The best day of my life was when the oldest left and the youngest moved to her mother’s.

— Midwest Evil Stepmom

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Special to The Enterprise

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Davis Enterprise does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

     
    Are arachnids awesome or awful? Visit Bohart Museum to find out

    By Kathy Keatley Garvey | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    NAMI program offers mental illness information, support

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Backpacks for Kids launches annual donation drive

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Architecture in Davis, on ‘Davisville’

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Speaker will spin some fishing tales at Davis meeting

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

    Kids can paint their own Breyer horses at Davis store

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Grandparents support group meets weekly

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Kaiser awards grants to Yolo nonprofits

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

     
    Exchange program seeks host families

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    Wine-tastings will benefit YCCC

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Pedro party will benefit Yolo Hospice

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Car lovers will speak Sunday at gallery

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Racial diversity crucial to drug trials, treatments

    By San Francisco Chronicle | From Page: A4

    Enterprise is focus of Davis Roots talk

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

     
    .

    Forum

    U.S. is complicit in attack

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Extinguish extremism for peace

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    With profound gratitude

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Someday, there will be peace

    By Rich Rifkin | From Page: A6

     
    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

    .

    Sports

    Former Davis man at crossroads: biking or artwork?

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Aggie golfer headed to men’s U.S. Amateur Championship

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Giants outlast Phillies

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    A’s fall in extra innings

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Blue Jays hitting upends Red Sox

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Pyrenees please Nibali, Rogers in Tour Stage 16

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

    Albergotti to discuss Armstrong’s doping scandal

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B8

     
    .

    Features

    Field to Fork: Skyelark Ranch, not a lark at all

    By Dan Kennedy | From Page: A8 | Gallery

     
    Name droppers: ASUCD hands out awards

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A8 | Gallery

    .

    Arts

    Additional casting notice for ‘Hello Dolly’

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    Hear Los Tres de Winters on Thursday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

    Picott to play at The Palms Playhouse

    By Kate Laddish | From Page: A7

     
    Fairy-tale romance in Barnyard Theatre’s ‘Pinky’

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

    Soar to Neverland with DMTC’s ‘Peter Pan’

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7 | Gallery

     
    Village Homes to host Rita Hosking Trio

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7 | Gallery

    Tomato Festival makes call for young artists

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    .

    Comics

    Comics: Wednesday, July 23, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B6