Friday, July 25, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

The eternal student sticks around

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | September 06, 2013 |

Dear Annie: I am involved with a wonderful man who has three grown children. The youngest, age 25, is still in college. He seems to have made college his career. Dad has put himself into debt putting his children through school.

This young man was failing his classes, so he decided to take a break and moved back into his father’s home six months ago. He does not have a job, nor is he putting any effort into getting one. He recently mentioned that he is planning to go back to school, and it seems that Dad is again going to pay for it.

I think it is time to cut the cord. What advice do you have for the 25-year-old who is not ready to become a productive citizen? What about the father who feels it is his responsibility to keep paying for his child’s education? And what about me? I want us to spend the rest of our lives together, but I have no desire to be financially and emotionally drained by a child who doesn’t want to grow up.

— Stuck Between

Dear Stuck: Obviously, a 25-year-old should get a job and help support himself. If Dad is willing to help pay for tuition, that’s fine, but Dad should not encourage dependency by being overly accommodating, allowing him to live rent-free while he sits around all day. His son needs to be held accountable.

But they aren’t asking for our advice. So this is for you: This is not your child, and you need to be careful about making demands. Your basic choice is to stay or to go. Are you willing to wait it out, hoping the young man will eventually get it together? Talk gently to your boyfriend about your concerns, helping him understand that the best gift he could give his son is to teach him to be independent. But don’t issue any ultimatums unless you are willing to follow through.

————

Dear Annie: For the past 20 years, my wife and I have hosted an annual summer weekend for a small group of friends. Several years ago, one of our guests brought along her 10-year-old cousin. She didn’t ask. The second time she did this, I asked her not to. She apologized, and I thought that was the end of it.

This year, however, she called the night before and announced that she and a friend would be there in the morning. I was seething. Had she asked, we would have said yes, but I resent the disregard for our efforts in cooking and preparing.

To my astonishment, all of the other guests thought I was overreacting and the woman hadn’t done anything wrong. Where has common courtesy gone? To me, her failure to ask for our OK was blatantly rude. My friends say I should apologize.

— Why Ask When You Can Just Take

Dear Why: Your friends are incorrect. No one should bring uninvited guests. It is considerate to ask beforehand whether it is convenient. You can explain this more thoroughly to your guests, saying they cannot bring anyone without asking you first. Or you can choose to consider it a compliment that your friends treat your home as their own, whether you like it or not.

————

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Outcast Sister,” whose sisters resent that she is being paid to care for her mother. Please tell her that the best thing her family can do is see an eldercare lawyer or specialist.

When my mother passed away last year, I left my home and career to move in with my elderly father and help him continue his quality of life. My sisters and I consulted an eldercare lawyer, and we are glad we did. The laws are very complicated, and small mistakes now can be very costly later. Please tell your readers who are in similar situations to seek professional guidance.

— Prepared in Pennsylvania

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Eemail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Davis braces for six days of scorching heat

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Tech Trekkers boldly go into STEM fields

    By Amy Jiang | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Decoding breast milk secrets reveals clues to lasting health

    By Pat Bailey | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    California climate change policies to hit our pocketbooks

    By San Francisco Chronicle | From Page: A1

     
    Appeals court upholds high-speed rail route

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2, 1 Comment

    Carwash raises funds for funeral expenses

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

     
    Unitarians will host summer camp

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Artists, photographers invited to support Yolo Basin Foundation

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    Sudwerk’s sales grow, floating on a sea of dry hop lager

    By Elizabeth Case | From Page: A4 | Gallery

     
    Wetlands visitors will see migrating shorebirds

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6 | Gallery

    ‘Bak2Sac’ free train ride program launched

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    Explorit: Wonderful wetlands right at home

    By Lisa Justice | From Page: A8 | Gallery

    Recycle old paint cans for free

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A8

     
    Where your gas money goes

    By San Francisco Chronicle | From Page: A12

    Americans, internationals make connections

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A16

     
    Can you give them a home?

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A16 | Gallery

    STEAC needs donations of personal care items

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A16, 1 Comment

     
    .

    Forum

    Trio disagrees on best option

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    Commenting system to change

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A10, 32 Comments

     
    Support these local restaurants

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    Let’s get the bench repaired

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A10

    Predicting climate changes

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10, 1 Comment

     
    Clinton’s book is worth a read

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10, 3 Comments

    Thanks for emergency help

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    .

    Sports

    Hudson solid, Hamels better in Giants’ loss

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Petrovic, Putnam share Canadian Open lead

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Moss powers A’s past Astros

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Enriquez brilliant, but Post 77 season ends with Area 1 loss

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    The un-Armstrong? Tour ‘boss’ Nibali wins Stage 18

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8 | Gallery

    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    ‘A Most Wanted Man’: Superb espionage drama

    By Derrick Bang | From Page: A9 | Gallery

     
    Clyde Elmore: Art in the Wild

    By Evan Arnold-Gordon | From Page: A9 | Gallery

    Musicians perform at Sunday service

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A17 | Gallery

     
    .

    Business

    Accord’s latest model is most fuel efficient

    By Ann M. Job | From Page: B3 | Gallery

     
     
    .

    Obituaries

    Mary Lita Bowen

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    James Thomas Feather

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    Richard ‘Dick’ Robenalt

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Friday, July 25, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: A13

     
    .

    Real Estate Review

    Featured Listing

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER1

    Professional Services Directory

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER2

    Remax

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER3

    Sherman Home

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER4

    Tracy Harris

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER4

    Vaughan Brookshaw

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER4

    Lyon Real Estate

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER4

    Julie Leonard

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER5

    Ciana Wallace

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER6

    Melrina A Maggiora

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER7

    Joe Kaplan

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER7

    Jo Vallejo

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER8

    Karen Waggoner

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER9

    Jamie Madison

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER9

    Malek Baroody

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER10

    Carol Coder

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER11

    Diane Lardelli

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER11

    Jason Sull

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER11

    Coldwell Banker

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER12

    Coldwell Banker

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER13

    Julie Partain

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER14

    Lisa Haass

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER14

    Leslie Blevins

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER14

    Yolo FCU

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER15

    David Campos

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER16

    Heather Barnes

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER16

    Willowbank Park

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER16

    Kim Eichorn

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER17

    Dana Hawkins & Caitlin McCalla

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER18

    Dana Hawkins & Caitlin McCalla

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER18

    Susan von Geldern

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER19

    Open House Map

    By jboydston | From Page: RER19

    Chris Snow

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER19

    Travis Credit Union

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER20

    Patricia Echevarria

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER21

    Lynne Wegner

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER21

    Kim Merrel Lamb

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER21

    Martha Bernauer

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER21

    Open House Map

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER23

    F1rst Street Real Estate

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER24