Sunday, April 20, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

The good son’s lament

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: I grew up with a sister who had substance abuse problems. While I studied hard, “Carla” dropped out of school and led a life of partying. My parents always made sure she was well provided for. Every time they gave her something expensive, my mother would say, “Don’t worry, you will get the same in my will.”

Then one day, my parents told me they had signed over the family home to Carla. She told them I had agreed to it, but I never discussed it with her. But when I said this to my parents, they yelled and screamed and called me a liar. They said it didn’t matter anyway because they would make it up to me in the will. They then told me the value of the house for the sake of the will, which was a quarter of its actual worth. I suggested they get the house appraised, and they became angry. They also lied to our relatives about what happened, although when my parents die, it will be obvious that I received nothing from them.

Annie, I have been a good son to my parents for my entire life. How can they do this to me? This hurts so much that it’s the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning. I am ready to walk away from my family. I deserve better.

— Left-Out Son

Dear Left Out: You do deserve better, but your parents feel so guilty and obligated toward Carla that they give her everything in a misguided attempt to protect her from herself. You cannot fix this. But you can forgive them and move forward. Accept that you are not likely to get an equitable share of their estate. If there is a specific item that you would like to have, it’s OK to ask your parents whether you can have it now, and tell them that you do not expect anything more. Once the inheritance is off the table, you will be able to have a relationship with your parents based on who they are and not on what you deserve to get as a reward for being a good son.

————

Dear Annie: I’ve been invited to the wedding of an old college friend who is gay. I am a Christian and believe that homosexuality is a sin. I will send my regrets.

My question is: Do I send a gift? I know that traditional wedding etiquette says to send a gift when invited, but would a gift say I approve of and support her decision? What should I do?

— Reluctant Gift Giver

Dear Reluctant: A gift does not indicate approval of the marriage. If that were the case, quite a few people would not receive one. You send a gift to wish your friend well. If you do not wish your friend well, and you do not attend the wedding, you do not need to send a card or a present.

————

Dear Annie: This is for “Disappearing Connections,” the recently retired aunt who decided to “unburden” herself of possessions and offered some of her clothing to a niece. She’s now miffed because the niece has not thanked her.

Stop it! You offered your niece a bunch of clothes you no longer wanted, and she was kind enough to accept them. Now you are acting like it was a gift and she needs to send you a thank-you note for stuff you didn’t want anymore. Go find a hobby, and give your clothes to a charity. Trust me, your niece does not want to wear clothes from an old lady. She was just being kind by accepting them in the first place.

— Been There

Dear Been There: There is no excuse for not acknowledging receipt of a package, especially when the niece asked to have the clothes. And the clothes were indeed a gift, regardless of where they originated. How unconscionably rude to thank someone only for those gifts you like. The niece should have said the package was received and thanked her aunt for taking the time to send it. Period.

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Special to The Enterprise

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Davis Enterprise does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    A springtime ritual

    By Wayne Tilcock | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Tom Adams seeks Davis school board seat

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1

    UCD admits record number; 4,284 from abroad

    By Cory Golden | From Page: A1

     
    Hub of activity: DHS newspaper keeps evolving

    By Zoe Juanitas | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Holy fire ceremony draws thousands in Jerusalem

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

     
    Sign up soon for spring cooking classes

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Robb Davis team to rally on Saturday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Tour renovated YCCC facility Thursday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Tour Davis Waldorf School on Wednesday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    The fifth annual Tour de Cluck is soon to be hatched

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    Ortiz lawn signs available

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Quilters gear up for annual show

    By Sebastian Onate | From Page: A4

     
    Steadfast in their support

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A4 | Gallery

    Yolo Hospice offers free grief workshops

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Sign up for Camp Kesem caterpillar crawl

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    League hosts a series of candidate forums

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

     
    KDVS launches fund drive on Monday

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A5

    Calling all Scrabble fans

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    Hub webpage is seeing traffic increasing

    By Zoe Juanitas | From Page: A8

    Learn Chinese crafts at I-House

    By Sebastian Onate | From Page: A16

     
    Preschool open house set at Davis Waldorf

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A16

    Birch Lane celebrates its 50th anniversary

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A16

     
    Hotel/conference center info meeting set

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A16

    Lescroart welcomes all to book-launch party

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A16 | Gallery

     
    DEVO set to serve up 14th annual Winkler Dinner

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A16 | Gallery

    .

    Forum

    Take ownership of your health

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B5

     
    Reliving the agony and ecstasy of spring

    By Marion Franck | From Page: A7

     
    Keep your baby safe

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

    Rick McKee cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A12

     
    Core values on campus

    By Our View | From Page: A12

     
    Road diet? No, city diet!

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A12, 2 Comments

    We’re reveling in our equality

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A12

     
    Vote no; it’s fiscally responsible

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A12

    Bill is an affront to UC Davis ag biotech and local farmers

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A13

     
    Don’t want to sit in Fix 50 traffic? Consider alternatives

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A13, 1 Comment

     
    .

    Sports

    Devils burn up the track

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    UCD softball shut out by Santa Barbara

    By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Aggie men shoot 9-under, lead own tourney

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Stars shine in Woody Wilson Classic

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    UCD roundup: Aggie baseball swept away by Highlanders

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

    A’s score 3 in ninth, rally past Astros 4-3

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

     
    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    .

    Business

    Yolo Federal Credit Union gets WISH funds

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

     
    PG&E pays taxes, fees to county, cities

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9, 1 Comment

    Will Davis get an Old Soul?

    By Wendy Weitzel | From Page: A9

     
    Pediatricians, nurse practitioner hired at Woodland Healthcare

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9 | Gallery

    Asian stocks mostly higher after mixed U.S. earnings

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

     
    University Honda wins another President’s Award

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A14 | Gallery

    Dutch Bros. raises $19,000 for girl with leukemia

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A14 | Gallery

     
    Davis Roots will showcase its graduating startups

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A14

    .

    Obituaries

    .

    Comics

    Comics: Sunday, April 20, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B8