Friday, December 19, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

The in-laws didn’t come through

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | October 26, 2012 |

Dear Annie: Eleven years ago, we moved halfway across the country in order to live close to my husband’s family. For years, we heard about all the things they would do with our kids if only we lived nearer. My parents were still busy raising my four younger siblings and weren’t really interested in being grandparents, so all these promises sounded wonderful.

It didn’t take long after we moved to discover that my in-laws were all talk. When we announced that we were pregnant with our fourth child, my mother-in-law said, “Well, don’t expect me to babysit four kids.” I had to bite my tongue to keep from retorting, “Why would I? You never babysit the three we already have.” My mother-in-law always sounds like I’m holding a gun to her head when I ask whether she might have some time to see the kids.

My children are growing up. They are completely self-sufficient and well behaved. They clean up after themselves and take care of one another. I’ve always tried to cast my in-laws in the best possible light, even though they spend less time with my children than my parents who live 1,500 miles away. But the kids are catching on.

Should I continue making excuses for my in-laws? Is it OK to tell my kids honestly why they never get invited to their house? Is there any way to express myself to my in-laws so it will open their eyes about what they are missing? So far, calling my mother-in-law on her behavior has only resulted in a guilt trip and crocodile tears.

It breaks my heart that my children have no relationship with these grandparents. But more than that, I’m having a hard time not resenting them for all the broken promises.

— Fran in Frisco

Dear Fran: We don’t know why your in-laws switched gears. Perhaps being with all those children was more effort than they expected. But don’t badmouth them to your kids even if they deserve it. When your children ask why they don’t see their grandparents, simply say, “It’s just the way they are.” And please stop asking your in-laws to spend time with the kids. Instead, invite them to whatever occasions merit their presence, and let them see for themselves what they are reaping.

————

Dear Annie: You’ve mentioned that men with low sex drives should be tested for low testosterone. I’m curious how many men are willing to address the problem with medication.

My guy was tested, and his testosterone was very low. He was given a prescription, but said it was too expensive. A call to the doctor produced a less expensive prescription, but he didn’t fill that one, either, because it was a “hormone,” and he thinks all hormones are dangerous.

We have since split up. No sex drive is one thing, but the accompanying negative personality issues made me want to hide in my own house.

— Alone

Dear Alone: Low testosterone can also be responsible for depression and other mood disorders. It’s too bad your guy was unwilling to try the prescription. It may have helped him enormously. A discussion with his doctor about hormones would have been useful.

————

Dear Annie: I disagree with your answer to “Home Alone,” whose boyfriend travels on business for months at a time. When he’s home, he spends weekdays with her but wants to spend weekends with his family or friends. You said, “You’ll have to revisit this issue if you marry and have children.”

I would hope the issue would be totally resolved before even thinking of getting married. He doesn’t even make a good boyfriend. That relationship spells disaster.

— Texas

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

.

News

UCD, UC team up to study effects of climate change

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Teens’ goal? Helping other soccer players around the world

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Sierra Club calendars on sale Saturday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Creative women share food, friendship

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Konditorei presents free holiday concert

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Welcome 2015 with Mumbo Gumbo at a gala bash

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Luminaria display planned in West Davis

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Blue Christmas service planned at Davis churches

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Willett bench is a labor of love

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A4

Author! Author! UCD hosts talks, Q and A on Asia-focused books

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
Libraries will be closed around the holidays

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

See diving ducks at city wetlands tour

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5 | Gallery

 
Downtown gift cards get a new perk

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

 
A home for the holidays?

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A8 | Gallery

Nobel Prize winner will discuss research related to autism

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

 
Traditional carols service is Saturday at St. Martin’s

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

Explorit: Experience nano this spring

By Lisa Justice | From Page: A9 | Gallery

 
Soup’s On will benefit NAMI-Yolo

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

Donate to STEAC at Original Steve’s

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
Supplies collected for victims of abuse

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

Grandmothers support group meets weekly

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11, 1 Comment

 
.

Forum

Cheers and Jeers: Have you ever seen the rain?

By Our View | From Page: A14

 
Defeating Ebola involves medicine, and prayers

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A14 | Gallery

Kudos to Central Park Gardens donors and volunteers

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A14

 
Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A14

.

Sports

Cousins is back in lineup but Kings fall

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Devil boys hold off scrappy Rio Linda

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Lady Blue Devils rout an undefeated Liberty squad

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
UCD RB coach Wright heads to Florida; what next?

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

Aggies nab junior college defensive lineman

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
Nostra-Dunning makes his 2014 bowl picks

By Bob Dunning | From Page: B2

Tennyson’s first goal is the difference in Sharks win

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6 | Gallery

 
.

Features

Name droppers: Trio elected to academy of inventors

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
.

Arts

 
DMTC announces auditions for ‘Sweeney Todd’

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A15

 
‘Before Midnight’ screening is tonight

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A15

DMTC plans New Year’s Eve party

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A15

 
Tom Rigney and Flambeau to play

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A15

 
.

Business

After 19 years, Alfa Romeo returns

By Ann M. Job | From Page: A16

 
.

Obituaries

Rena Sylvia Smilkstein

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

 
.

Comics