Wednesday, April 1, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

The means aren’t justifying the ends

AnniesMailbox

By
From page A11 | April 13, 2014 |

Dear Annie: I’ve been married for 20 years. My husband had a great job that allowed him to support me while I completed my education. Our financial situation diminished, but as long as we could share responsibilities, it was OK with me.

When I entered the job force, there was a radical shift. I became responsible for every single bill. There were periods when my husband didn’t work because no job paid as well as his old one, but mostly it was because he couldn’t make the job last. Twelve years ago, we decided that a real estate career would suit his personality, but we have yet to see even modest returns.

I have been patient, but when times get tough, I expect my husband to take a side job to help make ends meet. This enrages him. He’ll get the job, but he’s extremely unpleasant to me. He has pushed our lifestyle beyond our means, saying that a real estate agent must own a nice home and drive an expensive car. He refuses to look at a budget and tells me I am always talking about money. When I offer advice, he accuses me of implying he’s an idiot and then claims it’s verbal abuse.

We are so heavily in debt, I see no way out unless he takes a steady job and sticks to a budget. But he insists that real estate is our best option and blames me for allocating money to pay bills instead of reinvesting it in marketing himself.

I worry incessantly. Every dime goes toward our debt or his real estate fees. I buy nothing for myself. But worse is how awful he makes me feel. I have lost friends, and my self-esteem is gone. But I love him, and I know he loves and needs me. I am the only one who has not given up on him. What can I do to restore balance in our lives without making him feel that I’m the aggressor?

— Wife

Dear Wife: There is some subtle emotional abuse and definite manipulation going on, but not from you. And because you are convinced that your husband can’t manage without you, you keep bucking him up even though he takes advantage and belittles you. This is called enabling.

Speak to a financial adviser at your bank, and then consider some low-cost counseling, with or without your husband, and figure out how to break this dysfunctional pattern.

————

Dear Annie: When you receive an email stating you’ve inherited a large sum of money, do you believe it’s legit? I recently received an email from an attorney stating that I have inherited money. Could it be a scam?

— Could Use the Cash

Dear Could: Yes. If you actually had inherited money, you likely would receive notification from the executor by regular mail. If you are familiar with the bank, call them directly and find out whether there is any substance to this. And while sometimes inheritance money is left unclaimed, you’d have to search for it through your state treasurer’s office.

Here are a few guidelines: If the email is asking for money for any reason, it is a scam. If it is asking for personal banking information, it is a scam. If it asks you to click on a link, it is a scam.

————

Dear Annie: I can’t believe the advice you gave to “Lynn in Sunny Florida,” who isn’t interested in the old friends who moved nearby and constantly call and email. You told her to allow limited contact until they find new friends. Why? There’s absolutely no reason for her to have any contact with them if she chooses not to.

— Wouldn’t Do It

Dear Wouldn’t: Ignoring the calls and emails isn’t working. When “Lynn” told us she didn’t want to create hurt feelings, and there was a chance she would run into these people in public places, we recommended letting them down easy. We see no reason to be harsh.

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

     
     
    Woodland Library’s community room reopens

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Museum celebrates Easter with candy-filled eggs

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Easter egg hunt set Sunday at Atria

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    AquaMonsters open summer registration

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

    Cancer fighters will gather Saturday for Relay For Life kickoff

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

     
    Poet laureate emerita celebrates at book-release party

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

    UCD gets grant to look at open access to published research

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

     
    Odd Fellows will host a big birthday bash

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

    Tamblyn presents a comedy concert

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6 | Gallery

     
    AARP’s free tax-prep services continue

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

    Round up at the registers for Davis schools

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    ‘Sip and Shop’ kicks off Child Abuse Prevention Month

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

    Pain management lecture slated April 8

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

     
    Seniors invited to join new social group

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8

    Pence Gallery: See artists at work during Garden Tour

    By Natalie Nelson | From Page: A10 | Gallery

     
    .

    Forum

    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: B4

     
    Is Davis on the cusp of an evolutionary change?

    By Rich Rifkin | From Page: B4

    .

    Sports

     
    UC Davis represents well at Final Four in Indiana

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Descalso looks back at Aggie days, ahead to new Rockies gig

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Blue Devils drop softball game at CBS

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    Aggies get ready for Hawaii by rolling over St. Mary’s

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    JV/frosh roundup: DHS younger girls soccer squad stomps Grant

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

    UCD roundup: Nunez powers Aggies to softball win

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3 | Gallery

     
    Gibson’s heroics ensure a DHS split at Boras Classic

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B10

    .

    Features

    Spring is a busy time for honey and hives

    By Dan Kennedy | From Page: A8 | Gallery

     
    .

    Arts

     
    Fiery bluesman brings guitar pyrotechnics to The Palms

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9 | Gallery

     
    Bluesman and guitarist Buddy Guy comes to Davis

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A9 | Gallery

     
    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    .

    Comics