Tuesday, October 21, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

The means aren’t justifying the ends

AnniesMailbox

By
From page A11 | April 13, 2014 |

Dear Annie: I’ve been married for 20 years. My husband had a great job that allowed him to support me while I completed my education. Our financial situation diminished, but as long as we could share responsibilities, it was OK with me.

When I entered the job force, there was a radical shift. I became responsible for every single bill. There were periods when my husband didn’t work because no job paid as well as his old one, but mostly it was because he couldn’t make the job last. Twelve years ago, we decided that a real estate career would suit his personality, but we have yet to see even modest returns.

I have been patient, but when times get tough, I expect my husband to take a side job to help make ends meet. This enrages him. He’ll get the job, but he’s extremely unpleasant to me. He has pushed our lifestyle beyond our means, saying that a real estate agent must own a nice home and drive an expensive car. He refuses to look at a budget and tells me I am always talking about money. When I offer advice, he accuses me of implying he’s an idiot and then claims it’s verbal abuse.

We are so heavily in debt, I see no way out unless he takes a steady job and sticks to a budget. But he insists that real estate is our best option and blames me for allocating money to pay bills instead of reinvesting it in marketing himself.

I worry incessantly. Every dime goes toward our debt or his real estate fees. I buy nothing for myself. But worse is how awful he makes me feel. I have lost friends, and my self-esteem is gone. But I love him, and I know he loves and needs me. I am the only one who has not given up on him. What can I do to restore balance in our lives without making him feel that I’m the aggressor?

— Wife

Dear Wife: There is some subtle emotional abuse and definite manipulation going on, but not from you. And because you are convinced that your husband can’t manage without you, you keep bucking him up even though he takes advantage and belittles you. This is called enabling.

Speak to a financial adviser at your bank, and then consider some low-cost counseling, with or without your husband, and figure out how to break this dysfunctional pattern.

————

Dear Annie: When you receive an email stating you’ve inherited a large sum of money, do you believe it’s legit? I recently received an email from an attorney stating that I have inherited money. Could it be a scam?

— Could Use the Cash

Dear Could: Yes. If you actually had inherited money, you likely would receive notification from the executor by regular mail. If you are familiar with the bank, call them directly and find out whether there is any substance to this. And while sometimes inheritance money is left unclaimed, you’d have to search for it through your state treasurer’s office.

Here are a few guidelines: If the email is asking for money for any reason, it is a scam. If it is asking for personal banking information, it is a scam. If it asks you to click on a link, it is a scam.

————

Dear Annie: I can’t believe the advice you gave to “Lynn in Sunny Florida,” who isn’t interested in the old friends who moved nearby and constantly call and email. You told her to allow limited contact until they find new friends. Why? There’s absolutely no reason for her to have any contact with them if she chooses not to.

— Wouldn’t Do It

Dear Wouldn’t: Ignoring the calls and emails isn’t working. When “Lynn” told us she didn’t want to create hurt feelings, and there was a chance she would run into these people in public places, we recommended letting them down easy. We see no reason to be harsh.

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

.

News

Winters homicide case enters jury-selection phase

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1

 
So much more than a cute baby store

By Bob Schultz | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Suspected arson fires concern neighbors, firefighters

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Fill the Boot for the hungry

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

For the record

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

 
Pets of the week

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2 | Gallery

 
Apply now for community mediation training

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Paws for Thought: Pets for Vets: matches made in heaven

By Evelyn Dale | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
‘Tokyo Kill’ author will visit bookstore

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

Sierra Club gathers for morning walks

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

 
DPNS has play group, preschool openings

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Yolo Knitters Guild plans fall meetings

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Local farm products found at hospital market

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Tax tips offered for sole proprietors

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
First-time home buyers get free advice

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Psychiatric clinic hosts open house

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Beer dinner set on Co-op patio

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Walkin’ the Dawg through the park

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4 | Gallery

 
 
Essay contest winners will be honored Tuesday

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

Volunteers sought to make veggie bags

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Library hosts after-hours teen movie nights

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Forum eyes impacts of raising the local minimum wage

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

 
NAMI-Yolo family support group meets Sunday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

To save the birds, look to the fish

By Kat Kerlin | From Page: A7 | Gallery

 
Birding field trip planned Saturday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A12 | Gallery

.

Forum

Ready to go, whatever happens

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
Where there’s a will …

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

Archer, Nolan are my picks

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A8

 
She’s innovative, passionate

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A8

An accidental fan becomes a baseball devotee

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

 
U.N. steps up to lead Ebola response

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

John Cole cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A8

 
These three are the best

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A8

Sunder has bold vision

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A8

 
.

Sports

UCD’s Wegener is the engine that drives the train

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Villegas wonderstrike powers Devils

By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

DHS golfers take the title

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
Devil defense regresses in football loss

By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1

Sports briefs: Top-end tennis talent helps DHS girls grab a win

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
Junior Blue Devils: Regular slate ends with 2 Davis teams playoff bound

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3 | Gallery

After running the gridiron gauntlet, can UCD regroup?

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B8 | Gallery

 
.

Features

.

Arts

 
Stories on Stage Davis presents tales by Lescroart, Montieth

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A11 | Gallery

 
.

Business

.

Obituaries

Peggy Belenis Swisher

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Comics: Tuesday, October 21, 2014 (set 1)

By Creator | From Page: B5

 
Comics: Tuesday, October 21, 2014 (set 2)

By Creator | From Page: B7