Sunday, March 1, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

They want different things

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | March 28, 2014 |

Dear Annie: I’m in my early 50s and have been married to “Ralph” for two years. At first, he was attentive and romantic, sending flowers and writing cards. We went on frequent weekend trips where we would focus only on each other.

In the past year, Ralph’s job responsibilities tripled, and so did his stress levels. His mother has had numerous hospitalizations, and his teenage son began experimenting with drugs and alcohol. As a result, our marriage and sex life have suffered. We still have a date night, but we cannot get away for a weekend because there is no one to leave his son with. Most of our “dates” involve Ralph cracking his knuckles while I try to carry on a lighthearted conversation.

Last night, Ralph said that even though we are terribly busy, we should take what few moments we can find to have sex. I told him that, like most women, I respond better if there is some romance attached, and that I need us to really connect emotionally. I desperately want him to look into my eyes in a way that lets me know he is still crazy about me. But Ralph says he is unable to turn off his stress and that married people should be able to have a few minutes of sex without worrying about my “soap opera view of marriage.” He thinks it’s immature of me to expect wining and dining before sex.

I offered to meet him halfway. I still need the occasional connection. He calls that “high maintenance” and says my ideas are unrealistic. He is very different from the loving and funny man I married. He absolutely refuses counseling. Am I wrong here?

— High Maintenance in Ponte Vedra Beach

Dear Ponte: This is not about right and wrong. It’s about expectations, adjustments and effort. The flowers and notes are lovely, but it’s unrealistic to expect Ralph to continue these thoughtful gestures when his brain is overloaded with worries about his son, his mother and his job. Ralph also wants a connection, but like many men, to him that means physical closeness. He doesn’t need romantic gestures, so he thinks you are being frivolous.

Here’s your compromise: Tell him that once a week, you need him to look into your eyes and say how much you mean to him. With sincerity. In return, you will stop nursing a sense of neglect that he no longer focuses on your romantic desires as much as he did before. If he cannot manage even this much, we fear that the romantic personality was only a facade.

————

Dear Annie: When attending a celebration (wedding, bar mitzvah, etc.), I look forward to conversing with friends and family. That desire is repeatedly sabotaged by the band playing at ear-damaging levels. I’m only 50, yet find myself bringing earplugs so I don’t get a headache or start to go deaf. Does the music have to be so loud just for dancing? Don’t the hosts know that this level of volume diminishes the enjoyment of their celebration?

— Please Turn It Down

Dear Please: We’ve mentioned this before. With studies showing that excessively loud music can cause early and severe hearing loss, we are surprised people still find this a good idea. If you are screaming to be heard over the music, it’s too loud. Use earplugs or walk out. The band will pipe down only if the hosts request it.

————

Dear Annie: This is about “N.Y.,” the 35-year-old man who thinks his mother is controlling because she puts her arm across him in the front seat if she comes to a sudden stop. I confess that I put my right arm across anyone who is in the front seat if I stop short. This guy needs more than counseling. He needs a swift kick in the butt for being such an absolutely insufferable jerk.

— M., The Villages, Fla.

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

.

News

Sheriff: Mother ‘sole person responsible’ for infant’s death

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Rifle Team has a blast with competitive shooting

By Savannah Holmes | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Child abduction case in jury’s hands

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1

 
Pipeline project will soften water in 2016

By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1

Pig out at Farmers Market’s Pig Day

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A1

 
Christie to Republicans: No rush to pick 2016 nominee

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

Bob Dunning: Colon prep can be hard to swallow

By Bob Dunning | From Page: A2

 
Scouts help fill STEAC’s pantry

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

Weekend storm drops snow, rain, hail in California

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
City offers wetlands tour

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

Parole denied in 1987 killing spree

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Explore Asia at Arboretum storytime

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

MU Games closing in late March

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

 
Still no parole in toddler case

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

UCD student with meningococcal disease is recovering

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
Young patients bond with special stuffies

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4 | Gallery

Diversity theater group continues creativity workshops

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
Radio talk show moves to Mondays

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Assault awareness campaign kicks off

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A4

 
UCD student panel to cover anti-Semitism, Islamophobia

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

Yolo Food Bank hosts thank-you breakfast on Pig Day

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

 
.

Forum

Milt Priggee cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: B4

 
Rowing: PE as well as life skills

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

Police complaint procedures drafted

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

 
Clarifying energy update letter

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

Weekly claw pickup necessary

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

 
Mars or ISIS? Similar outcome

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

City may get charged up over energy choices

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B4

 
Speak out

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B5

 
Design innovation centers for the 21st century

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B5

A new perspective on life

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: A7

 
Distant water crisis has lessons for Davis

By Marion Franck | From Page: A7

Call for study to settle if anesthesia poses risk to babies

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
.

Sports

 
Aggie men get a bounce-back win at Cal Poly

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

The mystery continues: lowly Gauchos upset UCD women

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Devils get a soccer win despite finishing woes

By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Winning close games is the key for DHS softballers

By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Sports briefs: Razo throws well as Aggies get a baseball win

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

Defending champion Blue Devils have diamond holes to fill

By Thomas Oide | From Page: B3 | Gallery

 
Republic FC falls to storied New York Cosmos

By Evan Ream | From Page: B10

.

Features

.

Arts

.

Business

Yolo Federal Credit Union honored for supporting business education

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

 
Online store will celebrate, mock People’s Republic of Davis

By Wendy Weitzel | From Page: A10 | Gallery

.

Obituaries

.

Comics

Comics: Sunday, March 1, 2015

By Creator | From Page: B8