Thursday, October 23, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

They’re pickier than she is

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | July 23, 2014 |

Dear Annie: I am 37 and divorced. I identify myself as bisexual and try to live my dating life very privately.

The problem is, my parents are quite judgmental and racist. I dare not say anything about my dating partners, who are of either gender and any color. But I am tired of living my life for others. If I choose to go my own way, however, my two children would lose their grandparents. Any suggestions?

— Frustrated in Virginia

Dear Frustrated: You aren’t giving your parents any credit for being able to accept you as you are for the sake of their grandchildren. You don’t need to give them details of your dating life and parade various partners in front of them. No one does. But you should not be afraid to introduce them to someone who becomes a meaningful part of your life, and then give them the time to work through their feelings. You can find support through PFLAG (pflag.org).

————

Dear Annie: Many years ago, I was disowned by my parents and most of my extended family for marrying against my parents’ wishes. I was allowed back into their lives only because they wanted to see the grandkids. Now, with elder care issues, we are struggling with appropriate boundaries. I’d like to offer some suggestions:

Instead of spending every moment yelling at me because I am not there more often, don’t do enough and don’t measure up to your friends’ kids, try saying that you are glad to see me, thanks for the help, etc. I will do more if I feel appreciated.

I need to know about your health problems and your wishes regarding treatment, but couldn’t we talk about something other than your aches and pains once in a while?

Keep your expectations realistic. I have kids, a job, a home to maintain, in-laws who also need help and my own set of health problems. I am not going to drive 400 miles twice a week to mow your lawn. Hire somebody.

Stop trying to manipulate me. The time you claimed Dad was dying so I’d spend all my vacation time with you? That was cruel. It destroyed my trust in you.

If you want honesty from me, then be someone who is safe to tell the truth to. Listen respectfully. Apologize sincerely when appropriate, or explain your point of view and the reasons for your choices. Don’t attack me.

Be cordial and polite toward my spouse and kids. If you force me to choose between you, I will choose them.

You say that you are too old and set in your ways, and I have to love you the way you are. You are the one who wants a closer relationship. I am ready to give up. If you want a different outcome, you are going to have to change, too.

— Your Son

Dear Son: You obviously have had a poor relationship with your parents for years. We agree that they sound difficult and demanding, but it will be hard for them to change without calm and consistent responses from you, rewarding their appropriate behavior, leaving when they are manipulative or insulting, and teaching them what you will tolerate. Only you can decide whether it’s worth the effort.

————

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Hurting Mama,” whose son texted her “Happy Birthday.” The first time my son sent me a text to wish me a happy birthday, I called him to inform him that if it begins with “Happy” or “Merry,” it is not a textable moment. I didn’t speak to him in a harsh or mean way, just matter-of-factly. That was two years ago, and I haven’t received a text on important occasions since.

This is a bit of a family joke, but everyone now knows when it is appropriate to text and when it isn’t a wise move.

— A.

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

.

News

 
Versatile cycling contributor Casale Jr. heads to Hall of Fame

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Pioneer students meet K-9 Officer Dexter

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

UCD Vet Med hosts animal ‘adoptathon’

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

 
Arboretum plant sale is Saturday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Mercer Clinic benefits from pooch costume pics

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Military Families seek help to send Hugs from Home

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

High-flying fun at University Airport

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Day of the Dead observance focuses on refugee children

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

DPNS has play group, preschool openings

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Parents’ Night Out on Friday at Pole Line Baptist

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

Fly-casting champion will speak to fishing enthusiasts

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4 | Gallery

 
Flea Market planned Sunday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Carlton invites community to its Haunted Harvest

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A4

 
Day of the Dead folk art class set

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Check out classic cars once again

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
A nose for mysteries: ‘Cadaver dog’ work more accepted by cops, courts

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4 | Gallery

‘Bak2Sac’ free train ride program launched

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Cooperatives meet community needs

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

Co-op trivia

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

 
Author visits Woodland for community book project

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

.

Forum

We have confidence in Madhavi

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

 
I support John Garamendi

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

Knowledgeable, experienced

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

 
A leader our schools deserve

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

We need Sunder on board

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

 
Our view: Two more years for Garamendi

By Our View | From Page: B4

We support Archer, Adams

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

 
Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: B4

A force for good on board

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

 
Two are especially qualified

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

.

Sports

Blue Devils look for first home victory

By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1

 
Picture perfect: DHS field hockey finishes 14-0

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Davis tennis team takes title

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Devil soccer loss sets up important final week

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

Youth roundup: Hurricanes handle American River twice in one day

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3 | Gallery

 
JV/frosh roundup: DHS underclassmen shine in water polo events

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3 | Gallery

 
.

Features

What’s happening

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8

 
Hand sanitizer versus soap and water

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8

Girl Scouts join effort to keep kids healthy

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8 | Gallery

 
Name Droppers: Foster parent heads to First 5

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A12

.

Arts

If it can go wrong it will go wrong

By Michael Lewis | From Page: A10

 
San Francisco Symphony visits with conductor/pianist Zacharias

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A10 | Gallery

 
All are welcome at Fun Time Follies

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
DHS Madrigals host singing workshop

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

DMTC plans Halloween karaoke fundraiser

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
The Rhythm Future Quartet plays at Village Homes Community Center

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11 | Gallery

Jam with folk musicians on Friday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
DHS Madrigals plan traditional English winter celebration

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
‘Under the Covers’ concert benefits KDRT

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
.

Business

.

Obituaries

Dorothy Foytik

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Mariana Brumbaugh Henwood

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

.

Comics

Comics: Thursday, October 23, 2014

By Creator | From Page: B10