Wednesday, October 1, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Things are turning sour

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | April 24, 2014 |

Dear Annie: My boyfriend, “Joe,” and I have been together for five years. My son (from a previous relationship) and I moved away from family and friends to live with him. Shortly after moving, I became pregnant with our daughter.

At first, our relationship was perfect. Joe was sweet, kind and helpful. Now we get into a lot of disagreements that result in our not speaking for days. Worse, when Joe stops speaking to me, he also ignores my 7-year-old son, who looks up to Joe as a father figure. A year ago, I suggested counseling, but even though Joe agreed to go, he hasn’t found the time. Discussing it doesn’t help. Joe becomes defensive and closed off.

Here’s the current problem: I finally decided to go back to school, which is a wonderful opportunity for me. Although I’d like to move out, I cannot support my children while attending school, and there won’t be any help from family or friends. It means I must rely on Joe for childcare and housing. Is this horribly selfish of me to keep living with Joe for that purpose? How can I explain this awkward arrangement to my two beautiful children?

— Heartbroken in Wisconsin

Dear Wisconsin: People live with each other for a variety of reasons, including financial stability, and you don’t need to explain it to your young children. More importantly, is Joe willing to do this? Is there a chance the two of you will reconcile? Please don’t lie to Joe. He should know that you want to go back to school so you can help support the family.

Ask him again to come with you for counseling to work on your relationship issues, but if he refuses, please go on your own. Your efforts to discuss things lead to defensiveness and entrenchment, and counseling will help you find better ways to communicate. It also will help you learn how to protect your son from Joe’s neglect, and that should be your primary concern.

————

Dear Annie: My sister, “Beth,” is five years older than I am. While we get along well, we have never been close. She tends to be negative and judgmental. I check in with her monthly, and whenever I go home to visit my parents, I make sure to visit her and her kids. In the 20 years I have lived in my current place, she has never once visited.

I am now in my 50s and plan to marry a wonderful man this summer. I did not ask Beth to be in my wedding party, choosing close friends instead. Beth is now upset and refuses to speak to me. She might not attend the wedding. My parents are heartbroken, and I am at a loss to understand her reaction. Should I have considered my only sister before my friends?

— Surprised Sister

Dear Surprised: While you are not obligated to have your sister in the wedding, it is customary to include siblings — especially since you have only one and there is no enmity that makes her participation unwelcome. For the sake of family harmony (and your mother), please phone Beth and say, “I’m so sorry I didn’t ask you to be in my wedding party. It didn’t occur to me that you would want the fuss. But I would be so honored to have you stand up for me, and I hope you will.” She might refuse, but the gesture itself may mitigate the hard feelings.

————

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Just One More Day,” whose family members had all passed away. It reminded me of something a friend said when I was complaining about some insignificant thing my mother had done that irritated me. He simply said, “I wish my mother was still alive so that I could be mad at her.”

— Just One More

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Jury: Marsh legally sane during murders

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Undocumented Student Center offers help to immigrants

    By Julia Ann Easley | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Rairdan supports more inquiry-based learning

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Standing In: Don’t write? I may as well stop breathing

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A2

     
    Woodland man convicted in domestic violence case

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

    Apply soon to be a Master Gardener

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

     
    ‘Edible City’ discussion planned

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    TSA bomb training may be noisy

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Katehi will address Rotarians on Monday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Mondavi Center hosts all-star lineup of classical, jazz, dance and more

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: C3 | Gallery

    Willett students sensitized to those who are different

    By Maria Clayton | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    Friends of the Library host biggest book sale of the year

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Give blood and get a free movie ticket

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Pedal around Davis on weekly bike ride

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    AIM testing dates set this fall, winter

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A4

    Tour Honey Bee Haven on Friday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Woodland City Cemetery tours planned

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
     
    ‘ADHD — Myth or Reality’ addressed at UCD talk

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Quotes from the Marsh double-murder trial

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    UCD athletics have break-from-work entertainment for everyone

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: C5 | Gallery

    Quad abuzz with students

    By Tanya Perez | From Page: A7 | Gallery

     
    Wetlands visitors may see ducks arriving

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A10 | Gallery

    Boy Scouts host family event in park

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A10

     
    How did the Aggies get their name?

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: C12

    .

    Forum

    Hey, it’s free childcare …

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    Will you open your heart, and your home?

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

     
    The right vote for education

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Just what Davis schools need

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

    Nolan’s a calm voice of reason

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    .

    Sports

    DHS girls tennis team tames Lions

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Devil girls play dynamite pool defense

    By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Davis volleyballers finish strong at Franklin

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    Hard-working Blue Devil boys get a water polo win

    By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    A’s fall as AL wild-card game lives up to its name

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Legacy roundup: Milliennium takes Manteca tournament

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

    AYSO roundup: Beans, Capay can’t shake each other in U19 play

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

     
    Alliance roundup: Los Azules, Italia win tourneys

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3 | Gallery

    Sports briefs: Real Salt Lake has too much for Republic

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B8

     
    .

    Features

    From the ground up: Rediscovering classic cheesecake

    By Ann Evans | From Page: A10 | Gallery

     
    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    Leonard D. Blackford

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Anne Elizabeth Elbrecht

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    .

    Comics

    Comics: Wednesday, October 1, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: A8