Thursday, January 29, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Things have only gotten worse

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | January 09, 2014 |

Dear Annie: I am writing to you with a heavy heart. I have been married to my second wife for 20 years. We dated for two years, and she became impatient with my reluctance to get married. We both wanted kids, but her timetable was different than mine. Even though I was old enough to know better (46), I married her because she got pregnant. I am positive that she did it intentionally.

We are different. I am very clean and organized, and I work hard. She is messy to the point of dirty, stubborn, disorganized, lazy and vindictive. She has tried to sabotage my relationship with our two children who are now in their late teens.

In spite of her efforts, I have created a good relationship with my son. But my younger daughter is another story. She is like her mother: a spoiled brat. I know I am partly responsible for the way she’s turned out. I would like to create a loving relationship before she goes to college in August. I know it’s late to fix this, but do you have any suggestions?

— Getting This Off My Chest

Dear Getting: It’s never too late to try to mend relationships. The first one should be with your wife. You are terribly resentful, and it’s obvious that you don’t actually like her. Although you may have good reason, your children undoubtedly see it and react accordingly. It also fuels your wife’s desire to get back at you. And finally, how you relate to your wife affects how you relate to your daughter, who has a similar personality. She identifies with Mom and may believe you resent and dislike her, as well. Get counseling — alone, with your wife or with your daughter. Whatever you can arrange.

————

Dear Annie: My 67-year-old mother is an alcoholic. Two years ago, she was diagnosed with dementia. Mom is now on medication for depression and high blood pressure and is living with my sister “Shannon.”

I have seven siblings. When Shannon needs a break, my brothers and I take turns with Mom on the weekends. Mom wanders off during the day while Shannon is at work and catches a ride with strangers to get alcohol. My sister is tired and stressed and says she is fed up because we are not helping her. It’s true that we all could do more, but no one really wants to. Mom is a handful.

Mom is capable of taking care of herself only when she is not drinking. Otherwise, she has outbursts and tantrums. Shannon has decided to place Mom in a facility. Mom is on a low fixed income. Where could she go?

— Worried Sis

Dear Worried: First, take your mother to her physician and have her evaluated to see whether she can manage at an independent senior residence or requires an assisted-living facility. Then call the Eldercare Locator (eldercare.gov) at 1-800-677-1116 for information about available places, and take the time to visit those that seem appropriate. Please do not make Shannon do this on her own. Surely, eight children can do this for one mother, no matter how difficult she is.

————

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Drowning in Junk,” whose wife is a hoarder. He asked whether he could toss stuff while she is out of town. You were right to tell him not to do that. “Cleaning out” (throwing everything away without the hoarder’s involvement) can actually exacerbate the problem.

Please ask “Drowning” to reach out to his local police, fire and health departments and ask whether there is a Hoarding Task Force in his area. Hoarding Task Forces are being organized nationwide. Often the task force will offer direct assistance or referrals to resources including cleaners, organizers and mental health organizations. We have a Hording Task Force here that consults all over the state.

— Burlington, Vt.

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Work continues to modernize Davis Healthcare Center

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1

     
    Holman continues to educate and inspire

    By Daniella Tutino | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    ‘Huck’ and ‘Tom’ float old Arboretum dock to removal

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Author joins radio show

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

    Meet the mayor for coffee at Peet’s

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Make your own SoulCollage on Sunday

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

     
    Overweight video game avatars ‘play’ worse than fit ones

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

    Calling all chicken owners: Apply for coop crawl, share information

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Walk through Quail Ridge Reserve on Feb. 14

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Hopmans named associate vice provost for global affairs

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

    Review motivation to refresh your healthy-habits plan

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6 | Gallery

     
    Tips to protect skin this winter

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

    For health and healthy appearance, there’s just one quick fix

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

     
    .

    Forum

    50 years since Ash Hall

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10 | Gallery

     
    Can climate change bring us together?

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

    Paso Fino coming to a vote

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    .

    Sports

    Aggies still looking for record hoops win

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    Blue Devil Hammond has a huge day at home

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Pent up? Join Davis’ latest athletic event

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Two in a row for Devil boys

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    UCD roundup: Aggie football players crack the books

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

     
    Youth roundup: Harper hoopsters off to hot start

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

    Treys send Toronto past Kings

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

     
    .

    Features

    What’s happening

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8

     
    College Corner: Have wanderlust? Go overseas for college

    By Jennifer Borenstein | From Page: A8

    District learns from bomb threat incident

    By Kellen Browning | From Page: A8

     
    It’s Girl Scout Cookie time!

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8 | Gallery

    Feenstra-Fisher wedding

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9

     
    .

    Arts

    Show explores the evolution of dance

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

     
    A rose by any other name — if there is one

    By Michael Lewis | From Page: A11

     
    Acclaimed guitarist Adrian Legg to play at The Palms on Saturday

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A11 | Gallery

    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    James George Tingus

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Thursday, January 29, 2015

    By Creator | From Page: B6