Some dining experiences are unique, and when you’ve had one, you tell your friends. That’s why today I offer a review.
Because I don’t normally write dining reviews, I consulted Wikihow. From this generously knowledgeable site, I learned the rules.
1) Describe, with details about the texture, taste, smell and feel to the food.
2) Assess the food as you consume it.
3) Consider the ambiance. Does it seem that people are enjoying themselves?
I’m embarking on this venture because I had the privilege of experiencing in close succession three tastings that will interest many readers, especially those over 50. I’m focusing on a particular take-out beverage because this will help more people than any conventional review of a local restaurant.
Due to a health scare (now thankfully over), my three tastings took place within only a few months of each other. I know you’re thinking, “lucky Marion.” Here goes.
Moviprep — a timeless classic.
For those of you seeking a culinary experience like no other, look no further than Moviprep.
If you like quantity, the biggest hamburger, the overflowing bowl of ice cream, the largest donut smothered in chocolate, this is the product for you. Generous beyond belief, one portion consists of a liter of liquid which you consume quickly (one hour), followed by a second equally-outsized portion.
I recognize that while you’re drinking Moviprep, the finish, not to mention the beginning and every sip in between, carries the flair of a salty ocean breeze too far. I tried icing my glass, drinking through a straw and adding flavor packets, but the salty taste only seemed to intensify.
Don’t turn to the Internet for advice. Rumors that people gag or vomit while consuming this beverage are spread by bloggers jostling to be the most read. Remember, even minute-by-minute reports (with photos) can be falsified.
Beyond its clever name, Moviprep offers reliability, reasonable price and tradition. It also offers happy times. Rarely is such a spirit of camaraderie born of a dining experience that involves eating alone. This comes from sharing the experience with other 50-plus diners, after the fact. As you talk, your face takes on interesting expressions, and you and your friends feel close.
I was sated with this venerable product after only 8 ounces, but went on to quaff the rest because of gentle reminders — misguided bloggers call them “threats” — from the doctor’s office, of which this one is typical.
“It is extremely important that you consume the entire dose. If you do not follow the directions, your exam might be canceled.”
Suprep — tweaking the tradition
Despite my obvious satisfaction with Moviprep, I decided on my second occasion to try Suprep. It costs more, a drawback, but I was delighted to discover that it offered a different dining experience.
Only in the finest restaurants, does a customer prefer small portions over large, but this was the case with this magnificent product. It came in a box far smaller than Moviprep and the directions involved drinking flavored liquid in smaller quantities (6 ounces) twice, followed by a beverage I never sufficiently appreciated: water.
As for atmosphere, it was practically a party at my house when I realized that I would be drinking less. Unfortunately, as with beer, initial pleasures are followed by trips to the bathroom.
I rate my bathroom as cool and inviting with gem tone accouterments and soft tissue, including PureTouch Tush wipes which I purchased specially because they claim to “cool, sooth and comfort.” They fell short on the last of these.
Sadly, I cannot rate the taste of Suprep very high. Its delicate suggestions of orange, coagulant and mouse droppings are sadly contradicted by too much salt. Its vibrant but heavy-stepping finish mingles poorly with an aftertaste seemingly inspired by backyard mulch.
Frankly, it’s not up to the quality I expected for the higher price, more than $60. I give it three stars out of five.
Prepopik — making it modern
Though I would love to be selfish and keep Prepopik all to myself, the work of the chefs at Ferring Pharmaceuticals is too good to stay hidden. There’s no doubt that despite the price, a box of Prepopik will quickly become the hottest item in town.
Any saltiness in the beverage is obscured by a taste of lemon so lush and intense that you feel as if you’re consuming the output of an entire tree, bark and birds’ nests included. The two containers you drink are only 5 ounces each, followed by water. I found that I could drink 5 ounces very quickly, almost not noticing what I was doing if I screamed between gulps.
My only gripe is that the subsequent physical experience was intense (stronger than last time) and the timing imperfect. My body responded to Prepopik for more than 6 hours, too long for a good night’s sleep. However, the improved taste was worth it.
I do advise the chefs at Ferring Pharmaceuticals to change the name. It’s too easy to imagine a second “o” in the middle. Also, no matter how you say it, Prepopik always ends on “ick.”
— Marion Franck lives in Davis with her family. Reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org