Sunday, April 20, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

This ‘solution’ isn’t working

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: My husband and I lived with a very dysfunctional situation for several years. His children from a prior marriage were encouraged by their mother to tell falsehoods about our home life. She was planning to leave the state and needed full custody in order to take them, and she ultimately accomplished this.

We went to counseling and considered legal action, but realized that even if we won, we no longer agreed on how to parent these kids. The constant discord did some damage to our marriage. My husband put up with a lot of nastiness as long as the kids would see him. I tried to help, but couldn’t tolerate their continuing dishonesty and disrespect. The kids eventually developed problems in their personal lives, school and jobs. Slowly, my husband rebuilt a relationship with them, but in doing so, he allowed me to be viewed as the enemy. I stopped being included in family plans.

Now his ex-wife and grown children treat my husband as if he is single. The holidays are fine, since the grown children spend them with their mother, and my husband spends his with our little family. However, he attends his children’s graduations, weddings and birthdays without me.

I love my husband. He is happy with us and lets us know. Most of all, he thanks us for allowing him to be a normal parent. He has his adult children in his life and sees them once or twice a year, but the situation is becoming increasingly untenable to me. I no longer know what line to draw. Where do we go from here?

— The Second Wife

Dear Second: Actually, the line was drawn some time ago: Your husband attends his grown children’s functions without you. This is not ideal, but it also doesn’t have to be cause for constant misery. It would show tremendous grace for you to tell your husband to go and spend time with his adult children, without any residual bitterness on your part. It’s only once or twice a year, and we suspect Hubby would be enormously grateful.

————

Dear Annie: My husband, whom I love, has sleep apnea, snores loudly and refuses to wear a CPAP. He also won’t see his doctor about alternatives. How am I supposed to get any sleep? I need my rest.

— Tired in Nebraska

Dear Tired: We trust your husband is aware of the severe health risks of having untreated sleep apnea. However, you cannot force him to do anything about it, so we recommend that you invest in earplugs or that one of you sleep in another room.

————

Dear Annie: I’m responding to “Want My Husband Back,” whose married life turned to hell when her husband retired.

When I married my wife, I was very sports minded and adventurous with several hobbies. My wife was not interested in those things. I managed to teach her cribbage, but that was about it. Now, we are both retired and work part time a couple of days a week. I started to explore some “on the edge” sports, and I forgot about her. After she called me on the carpet about it, I realized she had a point. All of my activities were directed toward me, and she was on the outside.

We decided on a course adjustment, and now I’m enjoying the opera while she is learning about extreme sports. She has even expressed some interest in trying one. The best part is, we’re together so much more often that it’s like we went back in time 45 years. And our private time together has really improved.

We have an agenda every day, even when we work. So my advice for retired couples is to call a timeout, make some adjustments and have fun.

— Enjoying Retirement in New England

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Special to The Enterprise

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Davis Enterprise does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Hub of activity: DHS newspaper keeps evolving

    By Zoe Juanitas | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    A springtime ritual

    By Wayne Tilcock | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Tom Adams seeks Davis school board seat

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1

     
     
    Holy fire ceremony draws thousands in Jerusalem

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

    Tour renovated YCCC facility Thursday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Tour Davis Waldorf School on Wednesday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    The fifth annual Tour de Cluck is soon to be hatched

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    Ortiz lawn signs available

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Sign up soon for spring cooking classes

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Robb Davis team to rally on Saturday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Steadfast in their support

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A4, 11 Comments | Gallery

     
    Yolo Hospice offers free grief workshops

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Sign up for Camp Kesem caterpillar crawl

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Quilters gear up for annual show

    By Sebastian Onate | From Page: A4

    League hosts a series of candidate forums

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

     
    KDVS launches fund drive on Monday

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A5

    Calling all Scrabble fans

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5, 1 Comment | Gallery

     
    Hub webpage is seeing traffic increasing

    By Zoe Juanitas | From Page: A8

    Learn Chinese crafts at I-House

    By Sebastian Onate | From Page: A16

     
    Preschool open house set at Davis Waldorf

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A16

    Birch Lane celebrates its 50th anniversary

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A16

     
    Hotel/conference center info meeting set

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A16

    Lescroart welcomes all to book-launch party

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A16 | Gallery

     
    DEVO set to serve up 14th annual Winkler Dinner

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A16 | Gallery

    .

    Forum

    Take ownership of your health

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B5

     
    Not thrilled with lack of symmetry

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

    Reliving the agony and ecstasy of spring

    By Marion Franck | From Page: A7

     
    Keep your baby safe

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

     
    Road diet? No, city diet!

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A12, 5 Comments

    We’re reveling in our equality

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A12, 1 Comment

     
    Vote no; it’s fiscally responsible

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A12, 3 Comments

    Rick McKee cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A12

     
    Core values on campus

    By Our View | From Page: A12, 3 Comments

     
    Bill is an affront to UC Davis ag biotech and local farmers

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A13, 3 Comments

    Don’t want to sit in Fix 50 traffic? Consider alternatives

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A13, 1 Comment

     
    .

    Sports

    UCD softball shut out by Santa Barbara

    By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Aggie men shoot 9-under, lead own tourney

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Stars shine in Woody Wilson Classic

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1, 1 Comment | Gallery

     
    Devils burn up the track

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    UCD roundup: Aggie baseball swept away by Highlanders

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

    A’s score 3 in ninth, rally past Astros 4-3

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

     
    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    .

    Business

    PG&E pays taxes, fees to county, cities

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9, 1 Comment

     
    Will Davis get an Old Soul?

    By Wendy Weitzel | From Page: A9

    Pediatricians, nurse practitioner hired at Woodland Healthcare

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9 | Gallery

     
    Asian stocks mostly higher after mixed U.S. earnings

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

    Yolo Federal Credit Union gets WISH funds

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

     
    Davis Roots will showcase its graduating startups

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A14

    University Honda wins another President’s Award

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A14 | Gallery

     
    Dutch Bros. raises $19,000 for girl with leukemia

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A14 | Gallery

    .

    Obituaries

    .

    Comics

    Comics: Sunday, April 20, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B8