Thursday, April 24, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

This ‘solution’ isn’t working

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: My husband and I lived with a very dysfunctional situation for several years. His children from a prior marriage were encouraged by their mother to tell falsehoods about our home life. She was planning to leave the state and needed full custody in order to take them, and she ultimately accomplished this.

We went to counseling and considered legal action, but realized that even if we won, we no longer agreed on how to parent these kids. The constant discord did some damage to our marriage. My husband put up with a lot of nastiness as long as the kids would see him. I tried to help, but couldn’t tolerate their continuing dishonesty and disrespect. The kids eventually developed problems in their personal lives, school and jobs. Slowly, my husband rebuilt a relationship with them, but in doing so, he allowed me to be viewed as the enemy. I stopped being included in family plans.

Now his ex-wife and grown children treat my husband as if he is single. The holidays are fine, since the grown children spend them with their mother, and my husband spends his with our little family. However, he attends his children’s graduations, weddings and birthdays without me.

I love my husband. He is happy with us and lets us know. Most of all, he thanks us for allowing him to be a normal parent. He has his adult children in his life and sees them once or twice a year, but the situation is becoming increasingly untenable to me. I no longer know what line to draw. Where do we go from here?

— The Second Wife

Dear Second: Actually, the line was drawn some time ago: Your husband attends his grown children’s functions without you. This is not ideal, but it also doesn’t have to be cause for constant misery. It would show tremendous grace for you to tell your husband to go and spend time with his adult children, without any residual bitterness on your part. It’s only once or twice a year, and we suspect Hubby would be enormously grateful.

————

Dear Annie: My husband, whom I love, has sleep apnea, snores loudly and refuses to wear a CPAP. He also won’t see his doctor about alternatives. How am I supposed to get any sleep? I need my rest.

— Tired in Nebraska

Dear Tired: We trust your husband is aware of the severe health risks of having untreated sleep apnea. However, you cannot force him to do anything about it, so we recommend that you invest in earplugs or that one of you sleep in another room.

————

Dear Annie: I’m responding to “Want My Husband Back,” whose married life turned to hell when her husband retired.

When I married my wife, I was very sports minded and adventurous with several hobbies. My wife was not interested in those things. I managed to teach her cribbage, but that was about it. Now, we are both retired and work part time a couple of days a week. I started to explore some “on the edge” sports, and I forgot about her. After she called me on the carpet about it, I realized she had a point. All of my activities were directed toward me, and she was on the outside.

We decided on a course adjustment, and now I’m enjoying the opera while she is learning about extreme sports. She has even expressed some interest in trying one. The best part is, we’re together so much more often that it’s like we went back in time 45 years. And our private time together has really improved.

We have an agenda every day, even when we work. So my advice for retired couples is to call a timeout, make some adjustments and have fun.

— Enjoying Retirement in New England

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Special to The Enterprise

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Davis Enterprise does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    4-H members get ready for Spring Show

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Will city move forward on public power review?

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1

     
     
    2 pursuits, 2 arrests keep Woodland officers busy

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

     
    Obama to Russia: More sanctions are ‘teed up’

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
     
    Youth sports in focus on radio program

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Rummage sale will benefit preschool

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Concert benefits South Korea exchange

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Conference puts focus on Arab studies

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Central Park Gardens to host Volunteer Orientation Day

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    Volkssporting Club plans North Davis walks

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

    Hotel/conference center info meeting set

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

     
    Davis honors ‘green’ citizens

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

    Water rate assistance bill advances

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

     
    Program explores STEM careers for girls

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5, 1 Comment

    Embroiderers plan a hands-on project

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

     
    MOMS Club plans open house

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    Cycle de Mayo benefits Center for Families

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8

    Author to read ‘The Cat Who Chose to Dream’

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A12

     
    .

    Forum

    Things are turning sour

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B5

     
    Ortiz is the right choice for Yolo

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

     
    The high cost of employment

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

    High-five to Union Bank

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Broken sprinklers waste water

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Three more administrators?

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Neustadt has experience for the job

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Here’s a plan to save big on employee costs

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6, 3 Comments

     
    Davis is fair, thoughtful

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    .

    Sports

    DHS boys shuffle the deck to beat Cards

    By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    DHS/Franklin II is a close loss for Devil softballers

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    DHS tracksters sweep another DVC meet

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Another DVC blowout for DHS girls soccer

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1, 2 Comments | Gallery

    Young reinvents his game to help Aggies improve on the diamond

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Baseball roundup: Giants slam Rockies in the 11th

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    UCD roundup: Aggies lose a softball game at Pacific

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3

    Jahn jumps to Sacramento Republic FC

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B8

     
    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

     
    Emerson, Da Vinci to present ‘Once Upon a Mattress’

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

    Winters Plein Air Festival begins Friday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

     
     
    Bach Soloists wrap up season on April 28

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A11

    Congressional art competition open to high school students

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

     
    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    .

    Comics

    Comics: Thursday, April 24, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B6