Thursday, April 17, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Time to cut bait with this one?

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: I’m a divorced woman who was married to a self-centered man for 30 years. He often told me that if I thought there was something better out there to not let the door hit me on the way out. I finally took him up on it, and it turned out to be the best advice he ever gave me.

For the past three years, I’ve been dating “Ted,” also divorced. He is smart and successful, and we are perfect together in every way. Here is the problem: Ted is not ready to marry. He told me his marriage ended because there was no passion. He fears if we live together, the physical attraction we feel for each other will die.

Ted and I spend weekends together and travel often, but then he goes home to his house. I don’t want to live alone for the rest of my life. But if Ted isn’t ready after three years, I doubt he ever will be. His reluctance hurts me deeply and brings back all those feelings of unworthiness from my marriage. Is it time for me to walk?

— Thought I’d Found the One

Dear Thought: Ted may be skittish about commitment, but that is his issue, and he is making it yours. Some women are perfectly content with a no-strings relationship with someone they find compatible. But if you are looking for marriage, you will have to set Ted free and look elsewhere. We realize you have put a lot of effort, energy and emotion into this relationship, but if the end result makes you unhappy and anxious, Ted is not the right person for you.

————

Dear Annie: I must reply to all the mothers-in-law who write to you and can’t understand why they are treated so unfairly by their daughters-in-law. My mother-in-law has been incredibly mean to me from the first time I met her. She deliberately does not include me in many of the family functions. She promises my children outings and never follows through. She and her daughter have been the nightmares of my life.

This has gone on for years now, and I would rather not have any contact with them. My husband feels I should “be the better person” and just ignore their behavior. But, Annie, I can only do this for so long before the better course is to simply walk away.

— The Other Side of the Story

Dear Other Side: Has your husband stood up for you with his family? Does he say, “My wife must be invited to these family functions, or I will not attend”? Does he tell his mother that the children no longer believe her promises and it hurts her relationship with them? If he thinks sweeping Mom’s behavior under the rug will make things better, he is mistaken. It is cowardly. Mom will learn to respect you as a member of her family if her son makes it clear to her that this is not optional and there are clear consequences. We cannot guarantee that she will change her tune, but we can absolutely assure you that if your husband does not do these things, nothing will ever improve and you are right to limit contact.

————

Dear Annie: “Tired of Doing All the Holiday Planning” said she is going to stop hosting family holiday dinners because no one helps her clean up.

In our home and those of our friends, the cook does not clean up. Everyone else does. “Tired” should tell her kids and grandkids to clear, wash, dry and put the dishes away. If Dad is in the picture, he should pitch in, too.

Some of my fondest times involve the camaraderie when my buddies and I clean up after one of our wives’ meals. (We are lousy cooks.) Guys need to get with the program and show their wives they appreciate the effort of putting the meal together.

— Helpful Husband

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Special to The Enterprise

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Davis Enterprise does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Benefit set for local bike legend

    By Adrian Glass-Moore | From Page: A1

     
     
    For the record

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A2

    Three killed in attack on Ukrainian base

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

     
    California residents divided on drought solution

    By San Francisco Chronicle | From Page: A2

     
    Scholar will discuss human trafficking in Friday talk

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Downtown post office set to reopen

    By Thomas Oide | From Page: B3

    Run or walk to prevent child abuse in Yolo County

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3 | Gallery

     
    Nominations sought for charity paint giveaway

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3

    Learn more about Google Glass at talk

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Per Capita Davis: Now, for some good news

    By John Mott-Smith | From Page: A4

    Birch Lane hosts 50th anniversary party

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Hannah Stein reads poetry at gallery

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Davis Food Co-op to offer free bags on Earth Day

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Get in the picture with school board candidate

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    KDVS hosts on-air fundraiser April 21-27

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Tickets on sale for Pence Garden Tour

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Fundraiser planned for Allen’s campaign

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Food Co-op board plans open house

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Davis Downtown hosts candidate forum

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A4

     
    Barbecue celebrates winter shelter program

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

    Davis Soroptimists celebrate 60 years

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

     
    Sign of things to come

    By Fred Gladdis | From Page: A8

    .

    Forum

    Fancy meeting you here …

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B5

     
    Have they really learned?

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    A great community effort

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Public Health Heroes honored

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

     
    Don’t miss a Trokanski dance

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Frank Bruni: The oldest hatred, forever young

    By New York Times News Service | From Page: A6

     
    Expert: Free parking is a myth

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

    .

    Sports

    Foster steps down as Lady Blue Devil basketball coach

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    River Cats’ streak reaches six wins

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    Landry evolves into UCD women’s lacrosse leader

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Huge inning propels Pleasant Grove past DHS

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    Giants edge Dodgers

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Youth roundup: Martinez, Chan come up big at gymnastics regional

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

    Kings drop season finale to Suns

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Angels get past A’s in extras

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8 | Gallery

    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    Wineaux: Good deals off the beaten path

    By Susan Leonardi | From Page: A7

     
    Rockabilly phenom to play at The Palms

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

    HellaCappella showcases a cappella singing

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    ‘One’ singular sensation to open at DMTC

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

    25th annual state clay competition exhibit at The Artery

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    Tapan Munroe

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Thursday, April 17, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B6