Friday, August 22, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Totally cut off financially

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | April 30, 2014 |

Dear Annie: I’m a 59-year-old non-working female who has been married for 20 years. I thought my husband was a wonderful man, but 10 years ago, he removed my name from our joint bank accounts. I worked for 30 years. I now find myself with no money and no job. I have to depend on my husband for everything. He doesn’t give me money unless I beg for it.

Is there anything I can do legally to persuade him to give me an allowance? He says he pays all of our bills, so I don’t need any money. Our three children agree with him. For health reasons, I cannot return to work. What can I do?

— Confused

Dear Confused: Because your husband and your children all believe you should not handle money, we have to ask whether there is a reason. Do you gamble? Do you overspend? Even so, you still should be allotted a small amount of money for personal use.

The other possibility is financial abuse. Many people think abuse is predominantly about physical harm, but it comes in many guises, one of which is controlling all the money in a relationship, making one partner completely dependent on the other. If this is what is happening in your marriage, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) at 1-800-799-SAFE.

————

Dear Annie: Our daughter and her husband are extremely poor housekeepers. They are successful in education and at their jobs, but utterly fail when it comes to cleaning.

They never invite people to their house. The mess embarrasses our two young grandchildren, who make unsolicited comments about the condition of their home when they stay with us. We once mentioned the state of their house years ago and were told to butt out.

When my son-in-law was hospitalized, the family performed a cleaning intervention. Unfortunately, it didn’t last, and things are back to the usual. We don’t know how to encourage cleanliness without creating a conflict. Any suggestions?

— Concerned Grandparents

Dear Concerned: How messy? If it is clutter (not hoarding), leave it alone. A messy house is no reason to create ill will with your daughter. Not everyone’s standards of cleanliness will be up to yours, and while they may not want company, it is not dangerous. However, if there is old food getting moldy on the carpet, bugs crawling all over the floor and rats in the closets, it is a health hazard to the children and should be reported.

We suggest you tell them that you understand how terribly busy they are and ask whether you can gift them with a professional cleaning service as your birthday, anniversary and Christmas presents. (Feel free to add Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and Labor Day if you can afford it.) Don’t make negative remarks about their lack of housekeeping skills. If they refuse your kind offer, invite the kids over more often and leave the rest alone.

————

Dear Annie: You’ve printed a few letters about parents who are estranged from their kids. I have not spoken to my mother in years. She is a meddler and a self-centered person who is more interested in her image than in what’s right.

Years ago, I went through a nasty divorce, and Mom sided with my ex-wife in court. When the truth came out, I was given full custody of my son. My mother never showed remorse for her actions or even said so much as “I’m sorry.” My son is now 18, and she has never tried to contact him. I have learned not to let her hurt or control me. I am OK with my life the way it is.

— Better Off Without

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    DHS musicians back from summer in Italy

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    City to overhaul its sprinkler heads, other water-wasters

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    No easy task: History buffs still trying to save building

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Davis indecent-exposure suspect pleads no contest

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

     
    Not-guilty plea entered in Woodland homicide case

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

     
    Russian aid convoy reaches war-torn Luhansk

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Putah Creek Council appoints new executive director

    By Elizabeth Case | From Page: A3

    Communitywide ice bucket challenge on Sunday

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A3

     
    Parents’ Night Out features Vacation Bible School

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Afternoon tours of city wetlands resume Sept. 6

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    Yolo County golf tournament enters fourth year

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

    Can you give them a home?

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4 | Gallery

     
    Saylor will meet constituents at Peet’s

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Event will unveil mural celebrating food justice

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Prunes take center stage at last agri-tour of the summer

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    In need of food? Apply for CalFresh

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Wolk bill would require reporting of water system leaks

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

    Writing couple stops at Davis bookstore

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    Explorit: Final Blast show returns for second year

    By Lisa Justice | From Page: A5

    Record drought saps California honey production

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

     
    World travelers

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

     
    Seniors set to stroll through Arboretum

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

    .

    Forum

    Weightlifters causing a racket

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    Police are our friends, right?

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    Wage plan has a big flaw

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    Bridging the digital divide with computational thinking

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

     
    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A10

    No support for militarization

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    A better use for this vehicle

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    .

    Sports

    Watts likes what he’s seen in keen Aggie DB competition

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Watney and McIlroy struggle at start of The Barclays

    By Wire and staff reports | From Page: B1

     
    Light-hitting Cats fall

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    Giants win nightcap in Chicago

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Sports briefs: Big West soccer coaches have high hopes for UCD men

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B8 | Gallery

    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    Yolo Mambo to play free show

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

     
    ‘If I Stay’: Existential angst

    By Derrick Bang | From Page: A11

     
    Davis Chinese Film Festival to kick off with 1994 favorite

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

    Rock Band campers perform at E Street Plaza

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

     
    Natsoulas to host mural conference

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A11

    .

    Business

    Car Care: Teenagers not driving safe cars, study shows

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

     
    Car Care: Feeling the summer heat? Your car battery is too

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

    Three-wheeled Elio gets closer to going on sale

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A12 | Gallery

     
    .

    Obituaries

    .

    Comics

    Comics: Friday, August 22, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B6