Wednesday, April 16, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Two’s company, four was a mess

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: I dated “Carol” for more than eight years. I loved her and wanted to marry her. The problem was her children (now aged 37 and 42), who have not grown up to be mature adults. Carol knew from the beginning that if we ever broke up, it would be because of them.

I spent every weekend with her. The kids had a tendency to go through my personal belongings when we were on a date and when we slept. I had to hide my checkbook, wallet, truck and house keys.

Her kids still live there and put forth zero effort to make it on their own. They have no interest in facing the realities of life and simply sponge off their mother. They don’t realize that when Mom passes away (one of these days), they will have to face what they’ve been avoiding for years.

Her kids are nothing more than liars and thieves. I loved Carol very much, and they destroyed our relationship. I am hoping she will see my letter.

— Anonymous

Dear Anonymous: We hope you realize that it is Carol who bears most of the responsibility for permitting this behavior from her children. If she truly wanted them out of the house, they would be out. Parents do a grave disservice to their children when they encourage such dependence. It is both selfish and lazy parenting. And Carol’s children seem particularly untrustworthy, as well.

Yes, they will have difficulty when she can no longer provide for them, but we worry about what could happen to Carol should she become ill or infirm. Those kids are unlikely to put their mother’s welfare above their own interests. We recommend you give her the number for Adult Protective Services in your state (neac.aoa.gov or call the Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116). She may need it someday.

————

Dear Annie: My husband and I are very social and have several groups of friends. Lately, one of these friends has started to make every get-together a potluck. Even for special occasions such as birthdays, the hostess asks each guest to bring a food item. Many times, she actually assigns dishes.

I’m starting to dread these invitations. What happened to throwing a party and providing refreshments for your guests? Or at least waiting for your guest to offer? Most of these friends are in their 50s and 60s, and most live quite comfortably, so it’s not as if they cannot afford to host. I know I have the option of not accepting the invitations, but we enjoy the company, and I hate to miss the social activity. Am I being a scrooge, or is this trend rather tacky?

— Fed Up with Potluck

Dear Fed Up: Yes, it is tacky to “host” a party and expect others to provide the refreshments, unless this is agreed upon in advance. However, your friends’ financial situation may be less rosy than you think, and one way to hide this while still entertaining friends is to make everything potluck. If you enjoy these get-togethers, you may as well play along, although you might offer a dish you actually want to bring.

————

Dear Annie: I’d like to say one more word in favor of adult children calling their parents daily. One size does not fit all.

Three years ago, I found out I have terminal cancer, and at about the same time, my husband left me after 31 years of marriage. After my husband left, my father, for whom I’d been caregiver for four years, passed away.

My adult daughter lives in the same city, and we speak daily. My married adult son lives about 1,000 miles away, and we speak, text or email every few days. My daughter’s daily calls became my saving grace. Without our conversations and constant closeness, I may not have had the drive to battle my disease and continue on as I have.

— Jacksonville, Fla.

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Special to The Enterprise

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Davis Enterprise does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

News

 
Frank, Peterman, Davis Bicycles! get us from here to there

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Family fiction in miniature showcased at bookstore event

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Local professor subdues unruly man on flight

By Adrian Glass-Moore | From Page: A3

Seniors can get tips for getting around town

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
School has garden plots for rent

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Sugar overload, on ‘Davisville’

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Rotarians, students, teachers, parents collaborate on planter boxes

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4 | Gallery

Yolo Crisis Nursery is in crisis; please help

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
Meditation, Buddhism classes offered

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Check out the night sky

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5 | Gallery

 
Hop to it: Easter Bunny meets Davis history tour

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Garden doctor: Veggie gardening available year-round

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

 
Animal expert explains dogs’ thinking

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

Central Park Gardens to host Volunteer Orientation Day

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7 | Gallery

 
Are we there yet?: Self-reflections of a would-be stage mom

By Tanya Perez | From Page: A8Comments are off for this post

.

Forum

Urban forest under siege

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

 
Drought care for our trees

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

 
.

Sports

UCD staff allows 19 hits in Causeway rout

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
DHS softball struggles in nonleague outing

By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Devils open Boras Classic by splitting games

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
 
JV/frosh roundup: DHS sweeps a trio of baseball games

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

Baseball roundup: River Cats get by Grizzlies at Raley

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Giants beat L.A. in 12

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

Sports briefs: Stanford sends Aggies home with a lacrosse loss

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B8 | Gallery

 
.

Features

 
.

Arts

Craft Center exhibit explores ‘Possibilities’

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9

 
RootStock to host wine themed plein aire exhibit

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

The California Honeydrops to bring danceable groove to The Palms

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9 | Gallery

 
See Flower Power exhibit at Gallery 625

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9 | Gallery

Red Union Blue inks record deal

By Landon Christensen | From Page: A9 | Gallery

 
.

Business

.

Obituaries

.

Comics

Comics: Wednesday, April 16, 2014

By Creator | From Page: B6