Sunday, December 21, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Two’s company, four was a mess

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | October 20, 2013 |

Dear Annie: I dated “Carol” for more than eight years. I loved her and wanted to marry her. The problem was her children (now aged 37 and 42), who have not grown up to be mature adults. Carol knew from the beginning that if we ever broke up, it would be because of them.

I spent every weekend with her. The kids had a tendency to go through my personal belongings when we were on a date and when we slept. I had to hide my checkbook, wallet, truck and house keys.

Her kids still live there and put forth zero effort to make it on their own. They have no interest in facing the realities of life and simply sponge off their mother. They don’t realize that when Mom passes away (one of these days), they will have to face what they’ve been avoiding for years.

Her kids are nothing more than liars and thieves. I loved Carol very much, and they destroyed our relationship. I am hoping she will see my letter.

— Anonymous

Dear Anonymous: We hope you realize that it is Carol who bears most of the responsibility for permitting this behavior from her children. If she truly wanted them out of the house, they would be out. Parents do a grave disservice to their children when they encourage such dependence. It is both selfish and lazy parenting. And Carol’s children seem particularly untrustworthy, as well.

Yes, they will have difficulty when she can no longer provide for them, but we worry about what could happen to Carol should she become ill or infirm. Those kids are unlikely to put their mother’s welfare above their own interests. We recommend you give her the number for Adult Protective Services in your state (neac.aoa.gov or call the Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116). She may need it someday.

————

Dear Annie: My husband and I are very social and have several groups of friends. Lately, one of these friends has started to make every get-together a potluck. Even for special occasions such as birthdays, the hostess asks each guest to bring a food item. Many times, she actually assigns dishes.

I’m starting to dread these invitations. What happened to throwing a party and providing refreshments for your guests? Or at least waiting for your guest to offer? Most of these friends are in their 50s and 60s, and most live quite comfortably, so it’s not as if they cannot afford to host. I know I have the option of not accepting the invitations, but we enjoy the company, and I hate to miss the social activity. Am I being a scrooge, or is this trend rather tacky?

— Fed Up with Potluck

Dear Fed Up: Yes, it is tacky to “host” a party and expect others to provide the refreshments, unless this is agreed upon in advance. However, your friends’ financial situation may be less rosy than you think, and one way to hide this while still entertaining friends is to make everything potluck. If you enjoy these get-togethers, you may as well play along, although you might offer a dish you actually want to bring.

————

Dear Annie: I’d like to say one more word in favor of adult children calling their parents daily. One size does not fit all.

Three years ago, I found out I have terminal cancer, and at about the same time, my husband left me after 31 years of marriage. After my husband left, my father, for whom I’d been caregiver for four years, passed away.

My adult daughter lives in the same city, and we speak daily. My married adult son lives about 1,000 miles away, and we speak, text or email every few days. My daughter’s daily calls became my saving grace. Without our conversations and constant closeness, I may not have had the drive to battle my disease and continue on as I have.

— Jacksonville, Fla.

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

     
    What’s new at UCD? Construction projects abound

    By Tanya Perez | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    No-nonsense Musser voted Citizen of the Year

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Sharing a meal, and so much more

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Brinley Plaque honors environmental stalwart

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Raul Castro: Don’t expect detente to change Cuban system

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Police seek help in finding runaway twin girls

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

     
    Downtown crash results in DUI arrest

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

    March trial date set in Davis molest case

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

     
    North Korea proposes joint probe over Sony hacking

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    AP sources: Cops’ killer angry over Garner death

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Luminaria display planned in West Davis

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Soup’s On will benefit NAMI-Yolo

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Pedal around Davis on weekly bike ride

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Supplies collected for victims of abuse

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Donors, volunteers honored on Philanthropy Day

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    Enterprise plans Christmas, New Year’s holiday hours

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Surprise honor is really nice, dude

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    Konditorei presents free holiday concert

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

    .

    Forum

    E-cigs surpass regular cigarettes among teens

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

     
    It’s not a pretty picture

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B4

    Google me this: Should I hit that button?

    By Marion Franck | From Page: B4

     
    Too late to pick a fight

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    All police need to humanize

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    Are we only a fair-weather bike city?

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    Join us in making our world more just

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

     
    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A10

    The electronic equivalent of war

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A11

     
    The Green House effect: Homes where the elderly thrive

    By New York Times News Service | From Page: A11

    .

    Sports

     
    Stenz shines as DHS girls take a tournament title

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Aggie Manzanares not quite finished carrying the rock

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    UCD women look to improve, despite game at No. 7 Stanford

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Second-half run spurs Aggie men to 8-1

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    49ers fall to San Diego in overtime

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B10

    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    .

    Business

    Marrone Bio expands its product reach in Latin America

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Sierra Northern Railway names CEO

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    Sink your teeth into Vampire Penguin

    By Wendy Weitzel | From Page: A4 | Gallery

     
    .

    Obituaries

    .

    Comics

    Comics: Sunday, December 21, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B8