Dear Annie: I am 30 years old and divorced with two young sons. Two years ago, I began dating “Brad,” who is six years younger. He doesn’t work or go to school and now lives with me and my kids. I work full time and pay someone to clean and watch my kids until I get home.

Recently, I’ve been getting annoyed. I love to eat out and go out for a Saturday or Sunday so my kids and I don’t get bored, but I’m tired of paying his way for everything we want to do.

I do care about Brad, and he’s been employed here and there, but those jobs last about two weeks, and then they fire him or he simply doesn’t return. I have tried to talk to him about it, but he ends up getting mad and yelling or walking away. What do you think I should do?

— Minnie in Texas

Dear Minnie: Please throw this guy out and get your life back. As long as you allow Brad to be a freeloader and treat you like his mother, he will continue to do so. He is 24 and needs to grow up. You have young children, and you are modeling behavior they will absorb and apply to their own lives in the future. Irresponsible boy-men should not be moving in. Tell Brad it’s time for him to find his own place, and if he’s smart, he’ll also find a job. If you want to date him, fine, but don’t support him.

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Dear Annie: I’ve noticed many letters in your column dealing with the death of a spouse. Most are from widows, but I am a husband who unexpectedly lost his wife.

While the whole ordeal defies description, I must say that my children and friends have really stepped up to the plate. I rarely eat alone, as my kids usually insist that I join them, and I try to cook for them once a week. Eating alone, for me, is deadly.

My friends, most of whom were much closer to my wife, continue to include me in their activities. At times, I find myself going to events that I’m not all that interested in, but I want to be asked the next time, so I make the effort. I’ve also continued to work into my late 60s because I enjoy the company of my co-workers.

While I believe women cope better with the death of a spouse than do men, the role of family and friends is critical in both cases. It is family and friends and lots of activities that help us get through the trying times.

— Doing OK

Dear Doing: For whatever reason, people are more apt to feel it necessary to “take care” of widowers, while widows often are left to fend for themselves. It could be the perception that men need more assistance with meals and housekeeping, or that there is a greater tolerance for the “extra man” at a social event. We are glad that you are making every effort to remain active and social, and it’s wonderful that your children and friends have stepped up to the plate. We wish it were so for all those in your position.

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Dear Annie: I wanted to thank you for printing “Dead at 17″ again. That story really touched me.

I am 16 years old and just got my driver’s permit a month ago. It’s a very scary experience. I am a careful driver, but that essay made me open my eyes about what goes through a kid’s head and what we might do when there isn’t a parent in the passenger seat.

I showed that essay to my drivers’ ed teacher, and she is going to use it next year to teach the kids about what can happen. Thanks again, Annie.

— Biglerville Student

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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

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