Thursday, September 18, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Wearing out her welcome

AnniesMailbox

By
July 10, 2011 |

Dear Annie: A year ago, my sister “Lois” left her boyfriend. She had no place to live, so my husband and I offered to let Lois and her four children move in with us. I have three teenagers myself, so our house became very crowded.

At the time, Lois was attending nursing school. She received government assistance and child support, and offered to help buy food for the household. I watched her kids, fed them healthy dinners and got them ready for bed. When Lois later got a part-time job, we asked her to help pay for a portion of the electric and gas bills (about $125 a month).

Here’s the problem: Two months ago, Lois suddenly became interested in the groceries I was buying and how much they cost. She told me that her child support and government assistance were intended only to feed HER family of five. It felt like a slap in the face. I have stopped buying groceries for her kids, but I have watched her buy them junk food and fatty snacks. When I mentioned the unhealthy choices she was making, she told me to mind my own business.

Since Lois is no longer helping to pay for groceries as she promised or contributing anything other than a small portion of the utility bills, I think she should find somewhere else to live. If she can afford to go out with friends every weekend and rent a car to take vacations, she can pay a decent rent.

My parents and siblings say I’m being selfish, but I haven’t seen any of them offer to let Lois live with them for $125 a month. What do you say?

— Feeling Used

Dear Used: You are understandably angry with Lois, who doesn’t seem to appreciate the kindnesses you have extended. You need to talk to her, in a loving, sisterly way, and explain how you feel. We agree that she should find her own place, and perhaps other family members will offer to help her do that. But if she cannot manage it financially and you are still willing to let her stay, discuss a reasonable amount of rent that she can afford and that will not make you feel like a doormat.

————

Dear Annie: When inviting a couple to celebrate their anniversary at a local restaurant with a group of people, should the host select the restaurant or ask the honoree if she has a preference? (Please note that the honoree is known to have preferences.) In our case, when the hostess learned that the honoree did not like her choice, she felt insulted and canceled the event.

Also, when honoring someone’s special occasion with a donation, does one give to one’s own charity or ask the honoree if she prefers a specific charity?

— N.Y.

Dear N.Y.: When donating to charity in someone’s honor, it is best to select a charity that reflects the honoree’s wishes. And while it is nice to consider the honoree’s preferences when choosing a restaurant, the person who is paying gets to select the venue. It is rude for the honoree to complain, and the hostess should not throw a hissy fit and cancel.

————

Dear Annie: Please tell “Turned Off” not to blame the wives for their husbands’ long nose hairs and eyebrows.

My husband has gadgets to trim his nose and ear hairs, but he seldom uses them. He claims he can’t see the hairs even though I’ve given him a magnifying mirror. He doesn’t even like to spend money on a haircut, so when I’m tired of the long locks, I cut it myself. He wears faded blue jeans all week, even if we go somewhere special. His dressier clothes only come out for funerals. He threatens to stay home if he can’t wear what he wants. Fighting isn’t worth the aggravation. Thank goodness he bathes and changes his underwear every day.

So, if you see a neat-looking wife with a sloppy husband who offends your sensibilities, it’s not her fault.

— N.

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

     
    Jurors see Marsh questioned by police

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1

     
    Grace Garden: Five years of feeding the needy

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    For the record

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

    Bike sale on Friday will benefit King High

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A2

     
    Wildfire shows explosive growth

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

     
    Per Capita Davis: What to think

    By John Mott-Smith | From Page: A3

    International Festival moves to park for fourth year

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

     
    Essay contest underway

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    Sudwerk Wet Hop Lager plants seeds for area hops rebirth

    By Wendy Weitzel | From Page: A4 | Gallery

     
    Speakers plumb issues around the Constitution

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Governor signs bill to support state’s ailing bee population

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

     
    Backyard poultry symposium Sunday at UCD

    By Tanya Perez | From Page: A5

    Forum will answer questions about new license law

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

     
    Australian pop band Dick Diver plays Third Space

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

    RepowerYolo hosts solar seminar

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

     
    Local Girl Scouts are looking for a few good leaders

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A5

    Reneau, Silberstein will read their poetry Thursday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    Parents host campaign coffees for Archer

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

    Nominate deserving volunteers for top citizen honors

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

     
    PG&E, Dixon company unveil truck that can restore power

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7 | Gallery

    $12M earmarked for UCD life sciences center in Chile

    By Karen Nikos-Rose | From Page: A7

     
    .

    Forum

    She’s had it with his neglect

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    Off-leash dogs are a danger

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Davis makes the NY Times

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Affordable housing affects health

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

    Choose to wipe out hunger

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

     
    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

    .

    Sports

    DHS girls pound Mustangs in the pool

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    Davis captures final nonleague volleyball outing

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    DHS golfers blow past St. Francis

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Devils blow out Marauders at Brown Stadium

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Youth softball: Hurricanes win one of two slugfests with Woodland

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

     
    Youth roundup: These Diamonds are forever in the record books

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

    Baseball roundup: Duffy comes up big for Giants in Arizona

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

     
    Young Devil harriers carry the day

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3

    Davis falls to Vintage in a JV shootout

    By Spencer Ault | From Page: B3

     
    DHS girls tennis team stunned at Franklin

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B8

    .

    Features

    What’s happening, Sept. 18

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8

     
    Students get into the act with Shakespeare

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8 | Gallery

    Street-smart tips for safe cycling

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8

     
    Eagle Scout project makes life easier for Yolo Basin volunteers

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A10 | Gallery

    .

    Arts

     
    Wineaux: Back and forth in the high and low debate

    By Susan Leonardi | From Page: A9

    Catie Curtis brings folk-rock ‘Flying Dream’ to The Palms on Friday Sept. 19

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9 | Gallery

     
    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    Jean Botelli

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Thursday, September 18, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B6