Dear Annie: I’m a 26-year-old female and have been engaged to a wonderful man for the past year. We had plans to marry after he graduates in June with his master’s degree.
The problem started when on several occasions my girlfriends and I went out to the bars and danced until the wee hours. During one of those nights, I had a few too many drinks and ended up kissing one of the guys I was dancing with. My fiance found out about it from a mutual friend, and now he wants to break off our engagement. He feels this was cheating and that I have betrayed his trust.
Is this cheating, or is he being unreasonable?
Dear Heartbroken: While it may not be as serious as sleeping with another guy, that kiss was still a betrayal. And if you enjoy going out to bars in order to dance with other guys and drink so much that you cannot control your behavior, it doesn’t sound as if you are ready to get married. Imagine how you would feel if your fiance behaved this way.
You owe him a sincere apology and a promise to curtail your drinking. We hope he is willing to give you another chance. But if you cannot understand or admit that your behavior was inappropriate, please let him find someone else who shares his values.
Dear Annie: I am a woman in my 60s and have been married to my second husband for more than a year. We are both widowed. I have one married daughter, and my husband has two sons, one of whom is married.
Our marriage is wonderful. The problem is my husband’s 28-year-old daughter-in-law. She is overweight, and her skin sags everywhere. You can see her backside, and her pants are very low in the front, so her stomach hangs over. You can tell her to pull up her pants, but she claims she is “in style.”
She apparently doesn’t dress like this in front of her parents. What should be done?
— Patty in Peoria
Dear Patty: By you? Nothing. She is not your child and apparently is disinclined to listen to your opinion about her appearance. If you invite her to a place with a dress code, inform her what that is. But if you criticize the way she dresses, she could start avoiding you, creating all sorts of problems between your husband and his son. Please tolerate what you can.
Dear Annie: I feel moved to respond to the letter from “Betrayed,” whose husband refuses to have sex but watches plenty of porn. There are always two sides to every story.
My wife and I have been married for 16 years. While we were dating, she was sexually aggressive, experimental, provocative and playful. Now the story is different. Of course, with the children around, sex requires planning. But when I began going to bed early, she started going to bed late. When I went to bed late, as instructed, she went to bed early and “wasn’t in the mood.”
Sessions with three different psychologists ended the same way. In each case, she said, “I don’t want to go back. I am being picked on.” I’ve tried asking what I can do differently to make her happy, but she has no suggestions. Now she finds fault with everything I do.
Two years ago, I developed erectile dysfunction. The prescription drugs work fine, but her lack of interest means the last bottle of Viagra remains untouched. Pornography is evil and disgusting and is certainly no answer. But I have no other answers. Life is complex, and sometimes you limp along as best you can.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
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