Thursday, December 18, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Wife content where she is

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | March 07, 2013 |

Dear Annie: Money is a constant issue in our house. I need my wife to quit her part-time job at a superstore and find one with a better salary. She knows this. But every time I bring it up, she gets angry and defensive and says that I am calling her lazy. I am totally not saying that. She’s a hard worker.

We have a total of $50 in savings. We also have a young son and hope to have another child. I’d like to move into a house. To accomplish this, we need two full-time salaries. How do I bring this up without making my wife angry? I love her dearly.

— Grand Rapids, Mich.

Dear Grand Rapids: Instead of insisting that your wife find a better-paying job, try talking to her about why she wants to stay where she is. She may love her job. She may be afraid to look elsewhere. She might want to stay home with the kids and believe you should be the one to get a different job. And of course, there may be other issues of which you are unaware. Tell her that you are worried about your financial situation, and ask, gently, why she is so reluctant to deal with it. But keep in mind that while nice, a house is not a requirement for raising a family. Many couples manage just fine without one.

————

Dear Annie: I staunchly refuse to attend gatherings thrown by a particular friend who is obsessive about RSVPs. She insists on them for everything from a backyard BBQ to a girls’ night at the movies. Telling her “yes” over the phone or in person doesn’t count. It has to be by return mail or a response to an Evite.

I live 200 miles away. Once, I RSVP’d yes, but my car broke down two days before the event. I called immediately to tell her I wouldn’t be able to come, and she berated me for having said “yes” if it was not a sure thing, like I planned that my car would break down. Then she criticized me for not being able to afford the repairs in time. A month later, I received pictures of the trip to Europe she treated herself to in order to make up for the disappointment of my having ruined her party.

I rarely wish to be anywhere near her now and pointedly ignore all invitations that are not delivered verbally. If I can’t make it, I pretend I am treating her to her next extravagant vacation.

— Had Enough With RSVPs

Dear Had Enough: Your friend sounds like a very high-maintenance drama queen. Insisting on formal RSVP responses for informal gatherings is obsessive, and berating you for things beyond your control is punitive. We don’t know why you persist with this relationship, but since you live 200 miles away, it would be fairly simple to move out of her orbit entirely.

————

Dear Annie: I have to make a quick comment in response to “Feeling the Void in Indiana,” who said men feel incomplete without sex and will risk everything for it. I acknowledge and appreciate where this man is coming from. My husband also “felt the void” and did risk everything to fill it. Fortunately, we were able to work through his affair and remain together.

As the infirmities of older age begin to set in, my husband is now grateful that I stuck by him and can care for him, and he is less concerned about sex. If “Feeling” has not yet had a frank conversation with his wife about his needs and asked about her satisfaction, he is making a huge mistake. My husband thought I knew what he needed and assumed I wouldn’t care that he was pursuing satisfaction elsewhere. But he didn’t communicate clearly and never asked me whether I was happy. That cost us untold pain that could have been avoided.

— Wish It Had Been Different

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Supervisors remove Saylor from First 5 Yolo Commission

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1

     
    GPAS and test scores up for UCD’s newest undergrads

    By Julia Ann Easley | From Page: A1

     
    Million Cat Challenge aims to rescue shelter felines

    By Pat Bailey | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Everest visit fulfills judge’s lifelong dream

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    U.S., Cuba seek to normalize relations

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Water officials fret over rain’s effects

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

     
    Bob Dunning: Not enough hours in the month

    By Bob Dunning | From Page: A2

    Fatal Capay crash leads to driver’s arrest

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

     
    Yolo Crisis Nursery in full swing

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

     
    Creative women share food, friendship

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Pedal around Davis on weekly bike ride

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Donate to STEAC at Original Steve’s

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Beer and film tour boosts bike group’s coffers

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Overeaters get support at meetings

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Fibro Friends will update their journals

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Input sought on county’s facility needs

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Traditional carols service is Saturday at St. Martin’s

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Have coffee with the mayor on Friday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Stockings brighten holidays for special kids

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4 | Gallery

    Evening tai chi classes start Jan. 6

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Name Droppers: Law prof earns peace prize for nonfiction

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5 | Gallery

    Community menorah lighting set Wednesday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

     
    Latest immunization data shows little improvement locally

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A5

    School board will vote on repairs, new portables

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A6

     
    Study: National monument could boost local economy

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

    Round up at the registers for Patwin

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    Parent/toddler art and music program offered

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

    Libraries will be closed around the holidays

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    Cloudy — yet safe — tap water adds to negative health effects

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

    Come Worship with Us

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

     
    .

    Forum

    This ought to teach her love

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    Language failed me that night, but not now

    By New York Times News Service | From Page: A8

    Steve Sack cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A8

     
    Grand jury function clarified

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A8

    Defying Western academic norms

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A8

     
    Boycotters are our future profs

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A8

    Many thanks to The Avid Reader

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A8

     
    .

    Sports

     
    UCD reveals a challenging softball schedule

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Tumey talks about state of Aggie athletics, where they’re headed

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Davis gets Rio Linda as Curry Invitational starts Thursday

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Westbrook, Durant lead Thunder past Kings

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8 | Gallery

     
    Sports briefs: Former Aggie Descalso inks deal with Colorado

    By Staff and wire reports | From Page: B8

    .

    Features

    Some vegetables just can’t be beet

    By Julie Cross | From Page: A9 | Gallery

     
    .

    Arts

    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    Rena Sylvia Smilkstein

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Wednesday, December 17, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B6