Tuesday, September 16, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Worried about the future

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | December 13, 2012 |

Dear Annie: I have been married to “Nancy” for 51 years. The day of our wedding, I was 167 pounds with a full head of hair. Now I am 181 pounds and bald. Nancy was always a Rubens type, which was fine with me. After giving birth to our first child, she lost more than 20 pounds, and even her father was impressed. However, two more children followed, and her weight went up to what it was before.

Now, at age 75, she is obese. She has trouble with her ankles and can barely move. She refuses to use a cane or a walker. We constantly argue. She is beginning to look ugly to me. I want to leave, but I can’t because she cannot live alone.

I am depressed. If I die before she does, she will be on her own because our children work, are struggling financially and have their own kids to raise. They have spoken to their mother about the possibility of a retirement home, and she says, “Absolutely not.” What can I do?

— West Valley

Dear West: Some of this is not within your control — your wife’s weight and what happens after you die. It is selfish of her to put this type of burden on her children, so you might want to discuss it directly with them, making contingency plans in case she should outlive you. There are alternatives to retirement homes, including in-home care or one of the children taking Mom in. You, however, are stressed over this and having a rough time. Please talk to your doctor about it.

————

Dear Annie: My mother-in-law is not a true hoarder, but she’s definitely a packrat. Her house has drawers, cabinets and boxes filled with unfinished craft pieces, papers so old you can’t read the faded print, moldy magazines, dried paint, cracked pottery, broken candy dishes and junk tucked into nooks and crannies so deep no one has seen the contents in years.

She is the only one who knows where anything important might be “filed.” She is widowed and retired and has the time and the physical ability to go through this stuff. Her two children help with yard work and home improvement, but they don’t have time to pick through her collections.

My mother-in-law is not depressed. She’s just lazy and has poor organizational skills. She spends too much time watching TV and emailing. I am hoping she might recognize herself in your column. How can I convince her to de-clutter before it’s too late?

— Don’t Want To Pick Through the Weeds

Dear Don’t: If Mom has poor organizational skills, the idea of going through her vast collection of miscellany is both overwhelming and paralyzing. She needs someone to assist her, one drawer at a time, perhaps once a week, to make it manageable. You could offer to do this or suggest it to another family member. Or hire a professional organizer. And it’s possible that Mom’s church or other community organization has volunteers who might help out.

————

Dear Annie: This is for “Devastated Daughter,” whose father died suddenly. Now she is conflicted about going away to college, because she worries about leaving her mother alone. I agree with your advice that she should go as planned. Here’s my message to her:

Dear Daughter: Your concern for your mother is a beautiful testament to your relationship. She is concerned for you, too. The best gift you could give her is to follow your dreams, live according to the values you have learned from a loving family and succeed as an independent young woman. Yes, she may occasionally break down. But she will go on, and it will be much easier if she knows you are OK.

— Thinking of You in the South

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

.

News

 
School nurses stretched thin

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
DPNS has afternoon openings

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

 
Paws for Thought: Socialize your new pup at UCD’s Yappy Hour

By Evelyn Dale | From Page: A3 | Gallery

DHS parents go back to school

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
New DHS Hall-of-Famers

By Wayne Tilcock | From Page: A3

Exploration of dementia lecture set for Sept. 25

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Sierra Club gathers for morning walks

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

 
Bad roads cost Californians billions

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

Farmers market continues at Sutter Davis

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4 | Gallery

 
Yolo County’s looking for a few good advisers

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Sick-pay benefits expanded to millions

By San Francisco Chronicle | From Page: A4

 
Search the Internet at Connections Café

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Garage, bake sales benefit outdoor education trip

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A5

 
Sutter qigong classes start Sept. 22

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Halloween costume sale benefits preschool

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Hundreds flee wildfires; homes burn

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5 | Gallery

 
Harmony Award nominations sought

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

Da Vinci seniors take on Constitution essay

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

 
.

Forum

Maybe not the best rebound guy

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
Nate Beeler cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

Many reasons to back Sunder

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
I support Madhavi Sunder

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

A leader with heart and vision

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Carbon fee and dividend plan is the answer

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

 
.

Sports

Open Cup final has local flavor

By Evan Ream | From Page: B1

 
Devil volleyball victories keep piling up

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

DHS needs just 10 boys to top Elk Grove

By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Finding the good in a tough DHS football loss

By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1

More pressure on QB would be nice for Aggies

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

 
Raber: glad to join in bringing readers golf column

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B1

Highlights galore in Junior Blue Devil weekend

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3 | Gallery

 
Sports briefs: Big Monday for Masiel as DHS golfers win league opener

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B8 | Gallery

.

Features

.

Arts

‘Jane Eyre’ to screen at I-House

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
‘Shrek, The Musical’ shines at DMTC

By Bev Sykes | From Page: A11 | Gallery

Anais Mitchell to play Third Space

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
Irish fiddlers come to Davis house show

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

Jenny Lynn and Her Real Gone Daddies play at Picnic in the Park

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11 | Gallery

 
Woodland artist hosts event at her new studio

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

.

Business

.

Obituaries

.

Comics

Comics: Tuesday, September 16, 2014 (set 1)

By Creator | From Page: B5

 
Comics: Tuesday, September 16, 2014 (set 2)

By Creator | From Page: B7