Wednesday, April 23, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Worried parents want to help

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: Our daughter, “Mattie,” is 42 years old. She has been married for 10 years and has two school-age children. Due to her husband’s work transfers, Mattie twice was left alone with the children for several months while she tried to sell the house and her husband moved to the new location.

The first time it happened, things worked out OK, but the second time, Mattie started drinking quite heavily. We didn’t find out until she had seizures, lost a lot of weight and ended up in the hospital close to death with severe liver damage. She pulled out of it, but now we worry that she might be in the same situation. We visited her over the holidays and suspect she has started drinking again. She also seems very depressed.

Her husband doesn’t seem to recognize the problem. As parents, do we get involved? If so, do we confront Mattie or talk to her husband?

— Terrified for Our Daughter

Dear Terrified: Please don’t be afraid to speak to Mattie if you think she is drinking again. It is a serious matter, both physically and emotionally, and needs to be addressed. You also should speak to her husband. He may be doing more than you realize, or he may be in denial or completely oblivious. Contact Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org) for assistance and suggestions.

————

Dear Annie: When my mother was dying of cancer, she chose to die at home and not at my “pious” sister’s house. My sister resented this and made only brief visits during Mom’s final days. The day the hospice nurse said Mom would probably die within hours, my sister stopped by and then left for a week’s planned vacation. We postponed the funeral until she returned, and she showed up to the visitation in a souvenir T-shirt.

After the funeral, Sis, as executor, didn’t want my brother or me to go through Mom’s possessions. Instead, she had an auction, and we had to bid on closed boxes. Many of the things we know belonged to Mom did not show up, and somehow, my sister’s name got on the deed to the family farm.

There has been no accounting of the income from the auction, and when we asked, Sis became angry. The final straw was that my mother wrote a personal letter to me but did not get around to mailing it. Sis found it, made copies and passed it out to everyone but me. I would like the original, but Sis says, “Finders, keepers.”

Sis now wants us to get together and pretend there are no problems. This is putting my “Christian attitude” to the test. Should I turn a very bruised cheek and pretend all is well for the sake of family unity?

— Confused in Missouri

Dear Missouri: Your sister certainly has been less than forthcoming, and the business with the personal letter is rather nasty. Did your mother have an attorney? If so, there should be an accounting of where the money went and what your sister was entitled to as executor. But you may need to sue in order to get the information, so decide what it’s worth to you. It is likely to cause a permanent estrangement, and you still may not get what you are hoping for: your sister’s remorse and an apology. Our condolences.

————

Dear Annie: “Want To Do the Right Thing” wants to celebrate his parents’ 50th anniversary but can’t afford the restaurant and wants guests to pay for their own meals.

We all want things we cannot afford. Most parents would not enjoy knowing their children are depriving themselves for a big party. Instead, arrange for a nice family photo that would be treasured. Then take your parents out to a lovely lunch or dinner.

— R.

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Special to The Enterprise

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Davis Enterprise does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

     
    Council votes to look at reducing water bills

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1

    New mosaic mural reflects Peña family history

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1, 1 Comment | Gallery

     
    UC Davis biodigester hungers for food scraps

    By Elizabeth Case | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Penalty decision looms in Winters homicide case

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

    Hay bales burn east of Davis

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

     
    Woman killed by train ID’d

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

     
    Pro-Russian insurgents hold journalist captive

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Davis Arts Center: See ceramics, join the Big Day of Giving

    By Erie Vitiello | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    Fire damages Woodland home

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A3

    Register to vote by May 19

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Sign up for enviro organizations during Earth Week

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Bible fun featured at Parents’ Night Out

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Davis businesswoman presides over conference

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Birch Lane sells garden plants, veggies

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Team Blend hosts fundraiser for Nicaragua project

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A3

    Fundraiser benefits Oakley campaign

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Fire crews gather for joint training

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    Odd Fellows host culinary benefit for nonprofit

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    400 bikes go up for bids at UCD auction

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Sunder hosts campaign event for kids

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Church hosts discussion of mental health needs, services

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    UCD to host premiere of autism documentary

    By Cory Golden | From Page: A4

    UFC hears from two local historians

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    UCD professor to talk about new book

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

    Fly Fishers talk to focus on healthy streams, rivers

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    Train to become a weather spotter

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

    Learn survival skills at Cache Creek Preserve

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

     
    Veterans, internees may receive overdue diplomas

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

    UC Davis conference showcases undergraduate research

    By Julia Ann Easley | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    Conservation District celebrates its stewardship efforts

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

    Slow Food tour showcases area’s young farmers

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A10

     
    .

    Forum

    Even a safe house needs boundaries

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B5

     
    I support Sunder for board

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Will anyone notice?

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    My votes reflect city values

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

     
    A plea on the Bard’s birthday

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

     
    .

    Sports

    DHS thunders back to win an epic DVC volleyball match

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    DHS/Franklin I goes to the Blue Devil softballers

    By Chris Saur | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Davis gets to Grant ace and rolls in DVC crucial

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Walchli is under par in another Devil victory

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    Seniors send Blue Devil girls past Broncos in a lacrosse rout

    By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
     
    Baseball roundup: Rangers rally to beat A’s in the ninth

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

    Sharks go up 3-0 with OT win

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8 | Gallery

     
    .

    Features

    Field to fork: El Macero’s chef offers spring tastes

    By Dan Kennedy | From Page: A8 | Gallery

     
    .

    Arts

     
    Five Three Oh! featured at April Performers’ Circle

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9 | Gallery

     
    Celebrate spring at I-House on Sunday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

     
    Music, wine flow at Fourth Friday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

    Biscuits ‘n Honey will play at winery

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

     
    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    Catharine ‘Kay’ Lathrop

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Wednesday, April 23, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B6