It’s Election Day, which means we can all now safely open our mailbox, answer the phone or open the front door when a stranger bearing literature arrives on our porch.
It’s also time for that Election Day staple, the long-awaited awarding of the prestigious Boobys and Bobbys to all those folks who made this election season memorable. From the historical to the hysterical, these dedicated individuals turned our current election into a must-see spectacle.
The Boobies, awarded for a wide variety of campaign missteps, are named for that ungraceful seabird that, according to National Geographic, takes its name “from the Spanish word ‘bobo,’ which means ‘stupid,’ ” an apt description for these “clumsy and unwary birds.”
The Bobbys, for meritorious behavior, are humbly named for the Above-Pictured Columnist, who has faithfully tried to capture both the character of each election and the characters of each election.
May I have the envelope please?
A BOBBY to Big Ed Prieto, the Yolo County sheriff, for taking all of about 30 seconds to yank his endorsement of Superior Court judge candidate Clint Parish after Parish’s first toxic mailer hit area mailboxes.
A BOOBY to Clint Parish for not taking Brenda Lee’s long ago ballad to heart and lip-synching her two most famous words: “I’m sorry.”
A BOBBY TO Dan Wolk for that gutsy front-page sticker slapped onto every Davis Enterprise sold in Yolo County Sunday morning. I mean, you never know for sure exactly where that sticker is going to land or what headline it will find itself in the middle of. On my paper, it says “Dan Wolk counts down to Tuesday,” Had the “Dan Wolk” sticker been placed in a different spot on the front page, it might have said “Dan Wolk imperils status of universities” or “Dan Wolk altered your life” or “Dan Wolk takes temperature of local firms” or even “Dan Wolk Heating and Air Conditioning.” Like I said, a gutsy move.
A BOBBY to Brett Lee for taking the bull by the horns and distinguishing himself from a look-alike, sound-alike field of City Council candidates by being crystal-clear about his position on the surface water project.
A BOBBY TO Stacie Frerichs, wife of council candidate Lucas Frerichs, for her heartfelt letter to the editor supporting — you guessed it — Lucas Frerichs. Tammy Wynette would be proud.
A BOOBY to congressional candidate Kim Vann for a video that refers to John Garamendi as a “Bay Area politician.” Garamendi lives in Walnut Grove, which is no more Bay Area than Kim’s hometown of Arbuckle.
A BOOBY to Stephen Souza for his mailer that supposedly featured two uniformed “local” public safety folks when the helmet of one firefighter clearly says “Bellevue Fire Department.” Now that’s a long commute. And a slippery way around that California law that forbids folks in uniform from participating in political activity.
A BOOBY to the planet Venus for its star-crossed, ego-driven jaunt across the sun at the precise moment hordes of Davisites are planning to vote, a move designed specifically to interrupt the democratic process. County Clerk Freddie Oakley estimates as many as 3,000 Davisites will not be able to see their ballots after staring at the sun most of the afternoon.
A BOBBY to Dan Wolk for daring to appear in white tights and a silly blue hat in an official campaign brochure that had more pages than the first six books of the Bible.
A BOOBY to Dan Wolk for using his Davis High Madrigals photo instead of featuring his much flashier Davis High Jazz Choir costume.
A BOBBY to Tommy Randall for opposing every tax in the history of mankind. In an uncertain world, it’s nice to have someone you can count on.
A BOBBY for extreme participation to the residents of 516 G St. for displaying four council lawn signs in a five-horse race, tying Herb Bauer’s world record from long ago.
A BOOBY to the Chamber PAC for an alleged newspaper ad endorsement of Measure D that was really nothing more than a sleight-of-hand endorsement of the candidacies of Lucas Frerichs, Dan Wolk and Stephen Souza.
A BOOBY to John Garamendi for that silly TV ad showing the candidate himself riding a horse, complete with cowboy hat (on John, not the horse). You’re trying out for Congress, John, not the Calgary Stampede.
A BOOBY to elections czar Freddie Oakley for her oxymoronic reference to poll workers as “paid volunteers.” Which one is it, Freddie? Are they paid or are they volunteers?
A BOOBY to Clint Parish for just being Clint Parish.
A BOOBY to Kim Vann for calling herself a “fourth-generation member of a Colusa County farming and ranching community.” Hey, Kim, everyone is fourth generation from somewhere. Where your great grandpa lived is not relevant to your worthiness to serve in Congress.
A BOBBY to Sue Greenwald for pointing the finger of blame at hubby Mike for his much publicized campaign lawn sign debacle, clearly the best hea culpa of the campaign. Hey, even girl honeybees toss the boys out of the hive when the going gets tough.
A BOOBY to Dan Wolk for a brochure photo showing the candidate in high school, sitting on the council dais, with a placard that says “Dan Wolk Mayor.” So he’s been planning this deal for the past 18 years after all.
A BOBBY to John Munn, Assembly candidate, for a clean, straightforward campaign. There’s no doubt who John is or what he stands for.
A BOOBY to John Munn for not identifying any of the four young women, presumably his daughters, pictured with him in his campaign brochure.
A BOOBY to Dan Wolk for a glossy mailer that featured a Sacramento Bee endorsement above a Davis Enterprise endorsement. Think local, young man, think local.
A BOOBY to Clint Parish for trying to convince unwary voters that judges are generally elected, not appointed. In the Yolo County Superior Court, nine of the current 10 judges were appointed. Statewide, the number of appointees is around 95 percent.
A BOOBY to Lucas Frerichs for lending his name and candidacy to contradictory “slates,” one endorsing Prop. 29, the other urging a vote against Prop. 29.
A BOOBY to John Garamendi for including 14 photos of himself — a Division II record — plus seven cowboy hats, in a single four-page campaign brochure.
A BOOBY to Jim Burchill, political consultant, for refusing to return the Above-Pictured Columnist’s phone calls. All I wanted, really, was to invite him over for a backyard weenie roast. He, of course, being the weenie.
A BOBBY to Lucas Frerichs for running a clean, above-board, issue-oriented campaign.
A BOOBY to Lucas Frerichs for running for office before he’s old enough to vote.
A BOBBY to Clint Parish for keeping the voters endlessly entertained. When it came to Clint and his comic-book antics, we simply couldn’t wait to see what the morrow might bring.
A BOOBY to Kim Vann for refusing to answer if she is “pro-life” or “pro-choice.”
A BOBBY to Judge Dan Maguire for his Alfred E. Neumanesque “What, me worry?” demeanor as campaign mud was flying all around him.
A BOBBY to Steve Souza for going gracefully into the night after his political career crashed and burned due to a nasty brochure over which he had no control.
A BOBBY to the voters of this fine town for putting up with all of the above for the past four months.
— Reach Bob Dunning at firstname.lastname@example.org