Friday, December 26, 2014

Bob Dunning: A proofreader on every fire engine


From page A2 | March 07, 2013 |

BURNING, BURNING LOVE … got that flier from our brave firefighters about reduced staffing, with the question: “What could this mean for you?” and the answer, according to the firefighters: “Delayed entry into a burning building.” … wow, I really do hate to be delayed when I’m trying to enter a burning building … still, because I love and admire our firefighters, I’m in favor of increased staffing, rather than any sort of cutback … from now on, I’m demanding a five-person team on every call — four firefighters and a proofreader on every engine …

RESPECT YOUR ELDERS … for the past two months we’ve heard from one segment of town that we must “trust the decisions of our elected officials” when it comes to the water rates … interesting to see some of those same people now hammering our elected officials after they kicked the can down the road for a couple of months while discussing the fate of this town’s firefighters … so let me get this straight … when you agree with what the council is doing, it’s disrespectful for anyone to question the wisdom of our elected officials … but when the council is doing something you disagree with, then it’s open season … can you spell “H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-S-Y”? …

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY … now, if we keep this to ourselves, we can make a bundle of money in a short period of time … as Owen at notes, it’s time to start a franchise “selling huge underground storage tanks for water.” … given that rates from May 1 through Oct. 31 will now be going straight through the roof, Owen’s plan has considerable merit … let’s say you manage to conserve fairly well and use only 100 ccf of water during the six-month Endless Summer period … considering that a ccf of water equals 748 gallons, that means a 75,000-gallon underground tank should carry you comfortably through the summer without ever having to turn on the tap … you simply fill it up during the last week of April, when water is at its cheapest, and enjoy dirt-cheap water all summer long … hey, Owen thought of it first, then asked me to join him, and we’re opening our first franchise on Olive Drive next month … if you’d like to be a franchisee in your neighborhood, give me a call … cash only …

WATER WISE … my friend Jim, who has already perfected the art of the one-minute shower, says “I already have my 1.28 gpf (gallons per flush) toilets installed, but got in trouble with my wife when I tried flushing mine once a day.” … a common problem, Jim … Harvard researchers report that 98.6 percent of married men have no problem with the “yellow is mellow, don’t flush” rules, but only 2.3 percent of married women agree with their husbands on this …

MASCOT ALERT … my new Core Area correspondent, Downtown Abbey, says she was walking along Third Street when a stranger asked if our newest institution of higher learning, the University of Beer, has a mascot, as most colleges do … I’d suggest the “Brewers,” but it might already be taken … better yet, how about the “Foamheads”? …

— Reach Bob Dunning at





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