Friday, August 29, 2014

Bob Dunning: All the news that’s fit to print


From page A2 | April 01, 2014 |

I left our drought-stricken town over the weekend to see if I could learn how human beings have managed to survive on the Mojave Desert, where no measurable rainfall has been recorded for the past 984 years, but when I returned home I learned that all hell had broken loose in my old hometown.
It’s hard to believe that so much could happen in such a short period of time, but here — in bullet-point fashion — are the highlights of this news-heavy weekend.

Davis City Councilman Brett Lee has been appointed to fill the remaining term of disgraced California Sen. Leland Yee after Democratic party leaders concluded they needed an “honest man” in their ranks.

City leaders are so confident that the Fifth Street Road Diet is the wave of the future that they plan to turn the entire length of Eighth Street into a pedestrian-only mall, with pizza parlors and frozen yogurt shops lining the former roadway.

The city of Woodland, with more millionaires per capita than any other city in Yolo County, has agreed to pay the entire cost of the Sacramento River surface water project because it fears residents of East Davis won’t be able to afford the new rates and will move to Woodland en masse.

The Davis school board has announced through newly hired Superintendent Julie Crawford that henceforth all “personnel” matters will be handled in open session and members of the press can rifle through the district’s financial files any time they please.

The city of Davis, admitting that Jose Granda is indeed right, has rescinded its proposed “half-cent” sales tax increase and will instead be asking voters to approve a 10 “percent” levy on all sales items, including groceries.

Peyton Manning, still smarting from being voted Least Valuable Player in Super Bowl XXXXIVXXCMVX, will announce his candidacy for Davis City Council, promising to “intercept” any bad legislation his colleagues come up with.

Legendary coach Jim Sochor has agreed to take over the Davis High School boys volleyball program on an “interim” basis with plans to introduce the West Coast offense.

The NCAA has invited the Aggie men’s basketball team to the Final Four and dropped Kentucky after Davis gym rat Rich Rifkin discovered that during the regular season UCD beat Air Force, Air Force beat Wyoming, Wyoming beat San Diego State, San Diego State beat Kansas, Kansas beat Oklahoma, Oklahoma beat Texas A&M, Texas A&M beat Arkansas, and Arkansas beat Kentucky.

Dan Wolk has dropped his bid for the California Assembly to become offensive coordinator at Stanford.

Using power of eminent domain, the Davis City Council has declared all water in Stonegate Lake and Lake Alhambra to be public property, invites all citizens to a “community swim” on Saturday.

The Sacramento Kings have announced they will be moving to Knights Landing and playing regular-season games on the outdoor baskets at the former Grafton Elementary School. “We’re tired of playing in front of so many empty seats,” declares new Kings owner Vivek Ranadive. “Grafton doesn’t have any seats, so we won’t have to worry about that anymore.”

Davis Downtown votes to make the entire city alcohol-free.

After rigorous psychological testing, Linda Katehi has been selected for NASA’s “Chancellor in Space” program and will immediately leave for Houston to begin a six-month training program.

UC Davis apiculturalists have revealed that the mysterious condition known as colony collapse disorder has led to the death of 140,000 hives in California, plus The Sacramento Bee.

Union Pacific has announced that beginning immediately, rail cars coming through Davis will carry only free-trade coffee beans, Blue Diamond Smokehouse almonds, Coors Light and popcorn-flavored Jelly Bellys. “If there’s an accident, we’ll have one big party in downtown Davis,” noted UP spokesman I.M. Railman, speaking on condition of anonymity.

In a 4-0 vote, Davis school board has named Rob Peterson to fill the seat vacated by former trustee Nancy Peterson.

And that’s all the news that’s fit to print, plus all the news that fits, on this First Day of April in the Year of Our Lord 2014.

— Reach Bob Dunning at





Davis Innovation Center team fields questions

By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Saving Putah Creek: a quiet concert at sunset

By Elizabeth Case | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Mr. Dolcini goes to Washington

By Tanya Perez | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Winton to be feted for her many years of community work

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Researchers solve mystery of Death Valley’s moving rocks

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

California extends review of $25B delta plan

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

Assembly approves statewide ban on plastic bags

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

Forum explores local mental health services

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Solar-cooking workshop set at Food Co-op

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Celebrate the Senior Center at Sept. 9 luncheon

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Need a new best friend?

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3 | Gallery

Equestrian eventing competition slated

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Dinner, auction benefit Yolo County CASA

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Kids can sign up for a library card and get a free book

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

Explorit Science Center: Volunteers supercharge summer camp

By Lisa Justice | From Page: A4 | Gallery

Tee off for Davis’ continued prosperity

By Lily Holmes | From Page: A4

Bodega Marine Laboratory hosts open house

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5 | Gallery

Local group charts a year’s worth of beauty in flowers

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Free blood pressure screenings offered

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Name Droppers: UCD honors two of its own

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

Books, conversation and poetry at Logos

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7



Let’s sell the MRAP on eBay

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: C2

Seeing both sides of ‘tank’

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: C2

What if we need MRAP?

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: C2

How could tank be helpful?

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: C2

Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: C2

Don’t sentence our police to death

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: C2, 1 Comment

Will Davis see river water?

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: C2

Travel buddy is getting too fat

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5



Forget the score; focus on the energy brought by Aggies

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

Returning seniors, new faces lead promising DHS links squad

By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Devil golfers return from Scotland with smiles on their faces

By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Devils scrimmage with Sac

By Wayne Tilcock | From Page: B1 | Gallery

UCD-Stanford: the clock is down to counting the minutes

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

Sports briefs: DHS girls fall by the slimmest of net margins

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B6 | Gallery

Wire briefs: Aces cruise past Cats at Raley

By Wire and staff reports | From Page: B6





‘The November Man’: Who can be trusted?

By Derrick Bang | From Page: A9 | Gallery

B Street’s ‘The Ladies Foursome’ is aces

By Bev Sykes | From Page: A9 | Gallery



Technology makes a great car better

By Ali Arsham | From Page: C1 | Gallery



Margarita Elizondo

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

Elaine Dracia Greenberg

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4