At long last, we have arrived at Election Day, a day historically when the sale of booze was banned in our pleasant little town. But after the campaign we’ve all just been through, a good, stiff drink may be in order.
As I noted in this space two years ago, the arrival of Election Day “means we can all now safely open our mailbox, answer the phone or open the front door when a stranger bearing literature arrives on our front porch.”
This year, I received 14.6 pounds of campaign literature via the U.S. Postal Service, plus another 2.7 pounds left on the rocking chair just outside the front door of our spacious East Davis starter estate.
I am saving the combined 17.3 pounds for the next DWR “bulky waste” day, since if anything fits that description, it’s this year’s mailers.
As noted in 2012, “It’s also time for that Election Day staple, the long-awaited awarding of the prestigious Boobies and Bobbys to all those folks who made this election season memorable. From the historical to the hysterical, these dedicated individuals turned our current election into a must-see spectacle.
“The Boobies, awarded for a wide variety of campaign missteps, are named for that ungraceful seabird that, according to National Geographic, takes its name ‘from the Spanish word for ‘bobo,’ which means ‘stupid,’ an apt description for these ‘clumsy and unwary birds.’
“The Bobbys, for meritorious behavior, are humbly named for the Above-Pictured Columnist, who has faithfully tried to capture both the character of each election and the characters of each election.”
May I have the envelope please?
A BOBBY to Joe Krovoza, whose campaign was squeaky clean compared to the mud-slinging engaged in by so-called “independent” PACs supporting Bill Dodd and Dan Wolk.
A BOOBY to Fredrick Cohen for his partisan pitch that we need to elect a Democrat to the Yolo Superior Court bench. Just what we need, a judge with an agenda.
A BOOBY to John Munn for failing to identify any of the four young women, presumably his daughters, pictured with him in a campaign ad. He thus repeats his Booby for the same offense in 2012. (Under the Three Boobies and You’re Out law, he’ll be banished to Woodland if he does it again.)
A BOOBY to Dan Wolk for his “Girl Power” brochure in which he laments the “Man’s World” his young daughters have been born into, then solves the problem by urging us all to vote for — you guessed it — a man.
A BOBBY to Freddie Oakley for the brightest, cheeriest campaign signs of 2014.
A BOBBY to Cass Sylvia, a true public servant in every sense of the word, for not campaigning at all.
A DOUBLE BOOBY to Joe Krovoza and Dan Wolk for not selecting the “Davis candidate” for the 4th Assembly District with a three-steps-and-fire pistol duel at high noon in front of City Hall.
A BOOBY to Bill Dodd for wearing the exact same clothes — blue work shirt, faded blue jeans, L.L. Bean-ish hooded windbreaker — in two separate campaign brochures, one featuring the Pacific Ocean, the other a Napa Valley vineyard. Even Bill’s poses — four fingers stuffed in both front pockets with thumbs exposed to the elements and pointing inward toward the candidate’s belly button — are identical. Can you spell P-h-o-t-o-s-h-o-p?
A BOOBY to Sheila Allen for a campaign mailer that talked about fiscal “sustain ability.” We know this lady has a Ph.D. We now know it’s not in English.
A BOOBY to Daniel Parrella for running for office before he’s old enough to vote.
A BOOBY to the five City Council members who authored the designed-to-confuse “Argument Against Measure P” that states: “In Davis, approximately two-thirds of residential ratepayers will pay less under the new rate structure than they would have under a rate structure like the one we used to have.” For the record, no one will be paying less for water under the new rate structure.
A BOOBY to The Sacramento Bee for endorsing “Janene Berino.” The endorsement’s fine, the spelling isn’t.
A BOBBY to the politically savvy home on the southeast corner of Covell and Pole Line for displaying no less than 21 campaign signs for all races west of the Mississippi.
A BOOBY to Jesse Ortiz for saying in one brochure that he and his wife Cruz have been married for 36 years, then claiming in another brochure that he and his wife have been “married for over 35 years.” Note to Jesse: Don’t forget your anniversary.
A BOBBY to Sheila Allen for the most legible lawn signs of the campaign.
A BOOBY to Freddie Oakley for not hiring a proofreader to keep words such as “Govenor” and “Equalizationn” off the Official Sample Ballot.
A BOOBY to the Chamber PAC for endorsing three candidates for two City Council seats. Make a decision, folks.
A BOOBY to the home along East Eighth Street across from Hunt Way that has a Dan Wolk sign close enough to kiss a Joe Krovoza sign. (See “make a decision” above)
A BOBBY to the nearly nonexistent “Yes on O” campaign for “Keep Davis Running,” easily the most attractive print ad of the campaign.
A BOOBY to the hard-working, out-of-town weekly that claimed the 4th Assembly District included “all” of Yolo County, setting off rioting in the streets of West Sacramento.
A BOOBY to the Pasadena Posse, doing business as the Opportunity PAC, for claiming absolutely no affiliation to candidate Dan Wolk, yet nevertheless managing to use all sorts of candid shots of Dan in their brochures. Are they stalking the candidate without his permission?
A BOBBY to Daniel Parrella who compensated for his lack of adequate funding by buying a new pair of shoes and actually walking precincts and knocking on doors day and night.
A BOOBY to Daniel Parrella for not knocking on my door.
A BOBBY to “ ‘O’ oh No!,” the cleverest lawn sign of the political season.
A BOOBY to Sheila Allen for the most generic lawn signs ever, ones that say simply “Sheila Allen City Council.” Absent are the required buzzwords of a campaign sign such as “dedicated,” “reliable,” “prudent,” “responsible” and, my all-time favorite, “clear vision.”
A BOBBY to Joe Krovoza for the most effective mailer of the campaign, a thick sealed envelope containing three sturdy cards inside featuring endorsements from The Davis Enterprise, The Daily Democrat and The Sacramento Bee.
A BOOBY to Bill Dodd for a campaign mailer featuring the candidate himself overlooking a dramatic stretch of the Pacific coastline that is clearly not within the 4th Assembly District.
A BOBBY to John Garamendi, the very definition of a career politician, for abandoning the rancher/cowboy façade he used in his 2012 run for Congress that set a Division II record for number of cowboy hats and horses in a single brochure.
A BOOBY to the Davis City Council for insisting there is no difference between a “half-cent” sales tax increase and a “half-percent” sales tax increase.
A BOOBY to the State Water Resources Control Board for an 11th-hour “don’t touch the river” order that may or may not affect the outcome of Measure P.
A BOBBY to the citizens of this fine town for putting up with all of the above since the first candidate filed for office many moons ago.
— Reach Bob Dunning at firstname.lastname@example.org