Bob Dunning

Bob Dunning: Don’t try to sneak snacks into game

By From page A2 | October 25, 2012

PIGSKIN PICNIC … I realize our hard-working City Council spent most of the week dealing with water, wood smoke and labor relations, but the real issue this weekend is how to smuggle food for the kids into the UC Davis-Portland State football game at Aggie Stadium … this Big Sky showdown is billed as “Parent and Family Weekend” and offers “Family Special Pricing,” but trust me, UC Davis’ ban on bringing food items into the game for hungry children is decidedly family un-friendly …

And it’s more than a polite request that you not bring food or drink into the game … yes, a search-and-destroy mission is employed on your belongings by UCD staffers before you’re allowed onto the grounds, with all edible items summarily confiscated … it is not a happy scene and certainly not “welcoming” in any sense of the word … the goal, after they swipe your Subway $5 Foot Long, is to force you to buy the vastly overpriced food and beverages inside the stadium …

If you come hungry, a family of six could easily drop several hundred dollars on this foray into I-AA football … now, that might not seem like much to those who bleed Aggie Blue and Gold, but the casual fan might opt instead for a movie with unlimited popcorn next time the question of “what will we do on Saturday afternoon?” comes up …

SPEAKING OF SMUGGLING FOOD INTO AGGIE STADIUM … given that this is the final Saturday before Halloween, the plan is to dress the kids for the football game in their Halloween costumes, which should provide all sorts of unconventional hiding places for a variety of snacks … our 7-year-old plans to go as some sort of hybrid between the Pillsbury Doughboy and Frosty the Snowman, with two large Noah’s bagels for eyes, a carrot nose, avocado ears, red licorice lips, black licorice eyebrows and a full hairdo of orange-and-yellow Candy Corn stacked high … the corn cob pipe protruding from his mouth will be fashioned from Kettle Korn stuck together with honey … snack-size bags of Cheetos will be cleverly taped under each armpit … a family football weekend indeed … Go Ags …

FEELING THE HEAT … after I claimed in Tuesday’s column that nowhere in the proposed — now passed — wood smoke ordinance “does it say anything about not burning coal in your fireplace,” I heard almost immediately from my friend Tom at the esteemed YSAQMD (You Should Always Quickly Munch Doughnuts), who said he felt “compelled to note for the record that while it may not be included in the city’s ordinance, burning coal in a fireplace or wood stove is, in fact, prohibited within the Yolo-Solano AQMD borders (including the city of Davis), per our Rule 2.40, Section 305.7, adopted by our Board of Directors in 2004.” … I looked it up and there it was, a prohibition on burning garbage, coal, colored paper or old tennis shoes, size 14 and above … I stand corrected … I immediately issued Tom a proper and heartfelt mea coalpa

EVEN MORE SMOKE-FILLED NEWS … in passing the strictest-in-the-county wood smoke ordinance, the Davis City Council nevertheless managed to exempt low-income folks from any and all restrictions … apparently, low-income wood smoke contains far less particulate matter than high-income smoke and is no danger to anyone’s lungs … the exemption sets a new and important enforcement standard for the City of All Things Right and Relevant … yes, officer, I was driving 80 miles per hour past an elementary school during recess, but I’m a low-income speeder, so there was no danger to anyone and you can’t give me a ticket … makes sense to me …

— Reach Bob Dunning at [email protected]

Bob Dunning

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