OUTSIDE AGITATOR … my friend John at yahoo.com says he has a confession to make … while the pope has not conferred on me the faculties to hear confessions, I’ll let John continue under the theory that confession is good for the soul … “Last night,” John begins, “I came home to find that my 86-year-old Red-Headed, Minnesota Farm Girl, mother-in-law had started a fire in my wood-burning stove on a no-burn day.” … being from Minnesota forgives a world of sins, but not this one, John …

“What do I do, scold her?” … no, you should scold yourself for not teaching her the Ways of Davis before allowing her to take up residence here … “If I throw water on the fire, won’t that make more smoke?” … yep … and if there’s more smoke, you’ll probably be responsible for the first complaint of the season …

The trouble I have with this, John, is now that I have evidence of a crime, I’ll have to report your mother-in-law, red hair and all, to the proper authorities … I believe the city has a fund that will cover a one-way ticket to Fargo, and she can hitchhike to the Minnesota border from there … you should also let her know that the next time she visits, she’ll most likely push your household water usage into Tier II at the bare minimum … she sounds like trouble all the way around …

WATER WORRIES … a “Confused in East Davis,” which is redundant, writes to ask “Hey Bob — when we vote on this water deal, will it be a two-thirds vote like the school tax? Will there be a senior exemption?” … no and no … interestingly, the school parcel tax, which was mere chump change compared to the $113 million water project, did indeed require two-thirds approval … the water tax/fee/assessment/highway robbery requires only a simple majority … and unlike the school parcel tax, there will be no exemption for seniors, who may wish to cut back on those eight glasses of water a day the doctor recommends …

EVEN MORE CONFUSION … Jax at yahoo.com says, “It’s unbelievable that they’re trying to slip the new water rates past us with a 218 process instead of putting the rates on the ballot with the project up-or-down vote.” … surprises me, too, Jax, since “full disclosure” and “open and transparent” are phrases this council has used from the get-go … now it seems as if the modus operandi is the less information the public has, the better …

Adds Jax: “All this is leading to another referendum because many voters are going to be disillusioned by the rates and the unfairness of the 218 process.” … don’t know how or why 218 passed, but the provision that you need a “majority protest” to block higher rates is about as undemocratic as you can get … a fair fight requires both “yes” and “no” votes, with the one getting the most votes winning … in fairness, the council didn’t create Prop. 218, but nevertheless appears to be using it to its advantage at this point …

Notes Jax: “You would have thought that they learned the first time. Just put the rates on the ballot, and if they aren’t sure of what the rates might be, then hold off until they know. What’s the rush?” … amen to rushing into $113 million deals with the city of Woodland … to be clear, even if the rates were on the ballot, they couldn’t be approved with a “yes” vote … that would still have to come through a 218 process … but rates on the ballot would at least allow us all to know exactly what we’re voting for … or against …

IS THERE A COACH IN THE HOUSE? … Kent in dotcom.land wants to know what’s taking UC Davis so long to replace Bob Biggs as head football coach … as I understand it, Kent, that “Sonny” fellow from Louisiana was debating between Cal and UC Davis, but now that he picked the Golden Bears, it’s back to the drawing board in the Land of the Aggies …

UCD’s first choice, John Madden, refused to come out of retirement because he doesn’t like flying to Bozeman, and UCD’s second choice, Knute Rockne, was unavailable this season … but they’ll find somebody soon … maybe today …

— Reach Bob Dunning at [email protected]

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