Friday, March 27, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Bob Dunning: Hey, how about one price for all?

BobDunning2W

By
From page A2 | June 17, 2014 |

“Welcome to the City of Davis Fast Fossil Fuel Fillup, can I help you?”
“City of Davis what?”
“City of Davis Fast Fossil Fuel Fillup. This gas station is wholly owned by the city of Davis to keep prices low and fair for everyone.”
“Boy is that unusual. What a breath of fresh air.”
“Yep, we’re the first city in the nation to do so. Now, can I put some gas in your tank and wash your windshield with some fresh Sacramento River water?
“No thanks, I’ll just pump my own today. But kind of you to offer.”
“Um, you’re not allowed to do that, sir. We have a lot of families come through here and we’re concerned about the children getting hurt if people start getting out of their cars.”
“I think maybe I’ll just go on down the street to the Arco station and fill up there.”
“There is no Arco station. Or Shell or anyone else. The city took them all over under the power of Eminent Complain. It’s the only way we can keep prices low and encourage conservation. All citizens who drive in Davis must buy their gas from us. We’ve added a special odor to it so we can tell if anyone is breaking the law.”
“Well, I’m all in favor of cheaper gas. And I’m no fan of Big Oil. So how much cheaper is it?”
“It depends, sir. Do you live in a single-family home or an apartment?”
“What difference does that make?”
“I’m afraid it makes all the difference in the world.”
“OK, we live in a single-family home.”
“That’ll be $11.85 per gallon. Plus an extra dollar per gallon for every person in the car besides the driver.”
“$11.85? I saw gas for $3.89 at the Chevron in West Sac just a few minutes ago.”
“We’re working to bring the price down, but we have to pay off the debt for taking over all these stations. Once that’s done, we’ll have the cheapest gas in the country.”
“How long will that take?”
“About 140 years.”
“What if I live in an apartment?”
“Then it’s $9.79 a gallon.”
“Do they get a different grade of gas or what?”
“Nope, it’s exactly the same gas.”
“So why am I paying more?”
“Because you live in a single-family home. I thought we already went over that.”
“Very well. Fill ‘er up.”
“First I need to ask you a few questions.”
“Now what?”
“Will you be using this gas to drive for business or pleasure?”
“What the hell?”
“The commercial rate is $17.69.”
“Well, actually, I’ll use part of the gas to get to work and the other part to go to the ball game.”
“That’s mixed use, sir. $22.49 a gallon.”
“That’s highway robbery. Who came up with these prices?”
“The Gas Advisory Sales Panel (GASP) comes up with all these rates to ensure fairness for everyone.”
“Well I’m completely on empty and I have a long ride ahead, so I guess you’d better fill ‘er up.”
“How big is your tank?”
“I don’t know. I think it’s around 12 gallons. Or maybe 15 or 20. I honestly have no idea. What difference does it make?”
“Can you check the manual?”
“OK, it says it’s a 22-gallon tank, but the red light won’t come on until I have just two gallons left.”
“That will place you in Tier III, sir, due to the fact your tank has a higher capacity than that Ford Focus over there. The first 10 gallons are $22.49 per gallon. The second 10 will be $34.59 per gallon and the final two will be $224.89 per gallon.”
“You have got to be kidding.”
“No sir. It’s the only way we can stop the gross polluters who would just drive around town all day if we let them.”
“I think I’m just going to park the car over there and take the bus instead.”
“Now you’re beginning to understand.”
“Thanks for taking the time to explain everything to me.”
“No problem at all. But there’s one more thing before you go.”
“What’s that?”
“Parking is 10 dollars. Or in your case, 15 dollars for single-family parking.”

— Reach Bob Dunning at [email protected]

Comments

comments

.

News

Anti-gay initiative puts AG in a bind

By The Associated Press | From Page: A1

 
County supervisors consider options for historic courthouse

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Two found dead of apparent shooting in West Davis home

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
New Paso Fino design trims lots

By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1

 
Co-pilot may have hidden illness, German prosecutors say

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

Senate’s Harry Reid announces he won’t seek re-election

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Woodland police warn of kidnapping phone scam

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

Need a new best friend?

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Lawyer disputes police’s hoax claim in California kidnapping

By The Associated Press | From Page: A3

 
Sign up for Camp Shakespeare

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Empower Yolo offers peer counselor training

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
State loosens sex offender residency restrictions

By The Associated Press | From Page: A5

Neighbors invited to adopt Willow Creek Park

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

 
Sing along on April Fool’s Day

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

Three nabbed in counterfeiting probe

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A6

 
.

Forum

Can he get life back on track?

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
Blame Reid for impasse

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A7

 
Practice cancer prevention each day

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

Turnabout is fair play

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A7

 
Be aware and be afraid

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A7

.

Sports

UCD’s Hawkins, Harris to shoot at Final Four

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Home sweet home: Aggie women win a tennis match

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

Devil boys grind out a net win at Franklin

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
DHS baseballers fall to Vintage in eight innings

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

UCD men edge Hawaii on the court

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
Sacramento get its second straight win

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

DYSA roundup: Recent youth softball games feature big hitting

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
Sharks get a key win over Detroit

By The Associated Press | From Page: B10 | Gallery

 
.

Features

.

Arts

UCD Student Fashion Association presents charity fashion show

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

 
‘Get Hard’ comes across as rather limp

By Derrick Bang | From Page: A8 | Gallery

Monticello announces April live-music shows

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

 
Leonardo Tuchman’s work shows at UC Davis Craft Center Gallery

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9

Sacramento Youth Symphony holding open auditions

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9

 
Preview Art Studio Tour participants’ work at The Artery

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9 | Gallery

Smokey Brights to perform at Sophia’s

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

 
‘Deserted Destinations’ is April exhibit at Gallery 625

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9 | Gallery

.

Business

Camry Hybrid takes a step forward

By Ann M. Job | From Page: B3

 
.

Obituaries

Celebrate Rusty Jordan’s Life

By Creator | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Comics: Friday, March 27, 2015

By Creator | From Page: B4