Because I have friends in high places throughout the entertainment industry, I am now able to release details of the many new television series that soon will be announced by the major networks for our viewing pleasure this fall.
WOLK DYNASTY … the latest HBO mini-series features the only mother-son team ever to serve together in the California Legislature. For relaxation, the family occasionally goes duck hunting among the vast rice fields of the 4th Assembly District, shooting the migratory birds only in the right wing.
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF EAST DAVIS … a compelling, sometimes comedic glimpse at the desperate daily struggles for survival on the east side of the railroad tracks, from shopping the bargain aisle at Dollar Tree to buying in bulk at Grocery Outlet to ordering takeout at Symposium to mastering the pronunciation of “namaste” at Bikram Yoga. (Warning: scenes of some of the housing may be disturbing.)
HUNT’S FOR RED OCTOBER … a National Geographic special tracing Yolo County’s farm-to-factory history that for decades produced bright red, tomato-splattered roadways leading straight to Hunt’s front door.
LET’S MAKE A DEAL … a behind-the-scenes look at the 2 a.m. closed-door votes that led to awarding a multimillion-dollar contract to CH2M Hill, the lone bidder on the massive Woodland-Davis water project.
MONDAVI MOMENTS … the latest offering from the Cooking Channel features chefs from the newly created campus World Food Center whipping up that now world-famous UC Davis specialty, pepper-sprayed chicken.
MAD MEN … the History Channel presents the 102-year history of the Davis City Council.
WIDE WORLD OF SPORTS … ABC revives this hugely popular sports magazine show that follows Davis resident Hussein Bolt, who as an overweight teenager is hired for $10 an hour to chase plastic bags around the Yolo County Landfill, a demanding task that propels him to a gold medal in the 100-meter dash in the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro.
NRC: DAVIS … yet another investigative crime show that features the relentless efforts of the Natural Resources Commission to bring errant Davis residents to justice and punish them for their use of firewood, plastic bags, charcoal briquettes, aerosol cooking spray, gasoline-powered engines and underarm deodorant. It was hard to find a sponsor for this program that was not already on the NRC’s radar for one violation or another.
THE PUTAH CHRONICLES … the gripping story of the tireless efforts of one UC Davis ichthyologist to singlehandedly — and bare handedly — build fish ladders at Monticello Dam to restore fall run Chinook salmon to the Mighty Putah. (Warning: Spawning scenes may not be suitable for young children).
SUTTER HOSPITAL … a hilarious takeoff on the hit show “M*A*S*H.” features groggy patients in the colonoscopy recovery room telling really bad jokes about the procedure they just endured.
LEAVE IT TO BEAVERS … a rare and nearly extinct species of beaver mysteriously shows up on The Cannery property, leading to lawsuits and a halt to construction. Plot surrounds district attorney’s attempts to prove Sierra Club is actually responsible for breeding the beavers and planting them at construction sites.
CASH CREEK … a behind-the-scenes look at the “counting room” at the Cash Creek Casino in the Capay Valley, where millionaires (the owners) are made every day.
LITTLE CONDO ON THE PRAIRIE … Michael Landon returns as Little Joe Cartwright in laugh-a-minute episodes that demonstrate how Davis’ affordable housing program inadvertently attracts conservatives from Kansas.
LAW AND ORDER: SUV … traffic court judge has heard it all as Davis soccer moms are hauled into court for rolling through stop signs and driving 70 miles per hour down Pole Line Road in their Cadillac Escalades.
J STREET BLUES … a gritty, sometimes hard-to-watch drama about cops on the beat on the mean streets of East Davis, including never-before-seen scenes of the back rooms at 7-Eleven, Aggie Liquor and the Pizza Guys.
BIG BANG THEORY … a group of backward-thinking Davisites gather the day before Creation to file a lawsuit against the Big Bang, citing many “unexpected and unforeseen consequences” of the greatest explosion in the history of time.
FATHER KNOWS BEST … a sympathetic and sentimental look at the life and times of the late Father Andrew Coffey, the kind-hearted pastor who tried to bring religion to the most-unchurched city in America.
COACH … Craig T. Nelson returns as a DNA-resurrected Knute Rockne, hired to give fiery halftime speeches to the struggling Aggie football team. Similarly resurrected actor Ronald Reagan makes cameo appearances in several episodes as legendary Aggie coach Crip Toomey.
QUEEN FOR A DAY … Sue Greenwald plays herself in a docu-drama about PVSD (Post Vote Stress Disorder) that details the serious psychological effects of being perpetually on the losing end of 4-1 City Council votes.
HARPER VALLEY PTA … a knock-down, drag-out, cage-fight about the continuous battle between GATE parents and non-GATE parents. (Caution: contains rough language, derogatory comments and naked emotion.)
MODERN FAMILY … follows the comings and goings of a typical Davis family with 1.8 children, a Prius, two solar-powered bicycles, three cloth shopping bags, a holier-than-thou attitude and a dog that doesn’t poop or bark.
DORK AND MINDY … a UC Davis professor and his prized graduate student form a platonic relationship in a late-night sitcom that TV critics call “better than Sominex.”
YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE … local Davis artists compete for a $75,000 prize by designing plans for a brightly painted water tower, only to lose out in the gut-wrenching finale to two artists from Sacramento.
— Reach Bob Dunning at firstname.lastname@example.org