HABEMUS PAPAM … my friend Rich asks if there’s “any truth to the rumor that Alan Pryor of the Natural Resources Commission was present at the Vatican, outside the Sistine Chapel, protesting emissions of black smoke?” … hard to tell in a crowd that size, Rich, but I did see a fellow in the crowd who appeared to be collecting air samples … then again, he was collecting the samples in a plastic sandwich bag, so that would seem to eliminate Alan from consideration …

No question, though, it was most definitely a “no-burn” day in Rome … according to Catholic News Service, “the cartridges producing black smoke have potassium perchlorate, anthracene and sulphur,” while “those producing white smoke have potassium chlorate, lactose and a pine resin.” … no wonder people get excited when they see the white smoke … nothing like a little lactose in the lungs to liven up a rainy Roman evening …

EVEN MORE PAPAL NEWS … count me among those pleased to see the church move out of its European comfort zone to select a pope from South America … many of us thought we’d never see the day …

IS THE POPE CATHOLIC? … one local Facebook poster showed a photo of the new pontiff all decked out in white, then dryly commented “More of the same.” … what, you were expecting an Episcopalian? …

RELIGIOUS DOUBLE DOSE … just as NBC was showing the new pope walking out onto the balcony to address the thousands gathered below — many of whom had never heard of him — our doorbell rang and a kind Jehovah’s Witness handed us a flier with three questions, the first of which was “Who is this Man?” … you can’t make this stuff up … of course, with God there are no coincidences …

WATTS UP, DOC, PART II … our very own papal candidate, Daniel Watts, who announced his candidacy for bishop of Rome just last week, was not selected as the 266th pope in church history … however, even though the voting behind the locked doors of the Sistine Chapel was held in strictest secrecy, Vatican insiders report that Watts was just 115 votes short of being named pope … Daniel was considering a recount until he heard all the ballots had been destroyed (see “white smoke” above) …

SPEAKING OF VOTES … those wishing to protest our proposed water rates have until Tuesday to find a form, fill out a form and deliver it to City Hall … but don’t hold your breath … more than 8,000 protests must be filed to override the rates the City Council plans to impose on all of us beginning May 1 of this year … those who are in favor of the rates don’t have to do anything to win this “election.” …

The incredibly high bar to protest rates is one of the major flaws of Prop. 218 … nobody’s sure exactly why the protest structure is set up as it is, giving one side a decided advantage over the other … in a fair fight, of course, the proposed rates would be posted and folks in favor would have to file “yes” forms and folks opposed would file “no” forms and the side with the most votes wins …

SPEAKING OF PROTEST POSTCARDS … the last time we went through this Prop. 218 protest charade, the City Council had the decency to send out easy-to-read and easy-to-return protest postcards with the rate increase notices … this time, however, the council declined to include protest postcards in the rate notices … apparently they aren’t eager to hear our opinions anymore …

— Reach Bob Dunning at [email protected]

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