THE LAW OF UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES … I know people just love to take their very own cloth bags to the grocery store, which is fine … but before the city requires everyone to use cloth bags, it might want to take note of this chilling account from my hometown of Portland, sent to me by a chap named Keith …

As reported by the AP, “Oregon investigators have traced an outbreak of norovirus to a reusable grocery bag that members of a Beaverton girls’ soccer team passed around when they shared cookies.” … soccer is the sport of choice in Beaverton, a trendy suburb on the west side of Portland … adds the AP: “The soccer team of 13- and 14-year olds traveled to Seattle for a weekend tournament.” … travel ball is alive and well in the Pacific Northwest …

“At the tournament, one girl got sick on Saturday and spent six hours in a chaperone’s bathroom. Symptoms of the bug include vomiting, diarrhea and stomach cramps,” and most likely, diminished ability on penalty kicks … “On Sunday, team members had lunch in a hotel room, passing around the bag and eating cookies it held. On Monday, six girls got sick. Tests turned up the virus on the sides of the bag below the polypropylene handle. The results of the research have been published in the Journal of Infectious Diseases,” a publication that may be read only when the reader is wearing gloves …

According to Aron Hall, an epidemiologist with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the best way to combat the norovirus is through rigorous hand-washing and “cleaning contaminated surfaces with a bleach-based solution.” … second-best way to combat the virus: ban soccer …

BAGS ACROSS THE OCEAN … through the miracle of the Internet, I now have a couple of pen pals in Croatia who wish to become comrades in arms in the battle against banning all plastic bags … seems this is a raging issue in Croatia as well as Davis, which prompted my two new Best Friends Forever, Romeo and Igor, to offer their full support …

Apparently they tripped across a recent column where I detailed the 29 uses for plastic bags listed on the city of Davis website … turns out Romeo has a list of his own that stretches to 40 reasons why plastic bags should not be banned … I got to No. 22 before turning in for the night … Igor, meanwhile, is a much-decorated professor at the University of Zagreb, where concern for the environment is strong, even if they don’t have much of a football team … we plan to communicate from now on by placing a hand-written note inside a plastic bag and tossing it in the ocean …

THE READERS ALWAYS WRITE … Laurie at aol.com got a chuckle out of the recent piece concerning what to do if you encounter a runaway plastic bag … after soliciting friends and relatives, Laurie says the consensus is to “call 911,” but for her money she plans to “duck and cover” so she doesn’t have to be decontaminated … it’s getting rough out there, folks …

WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE … my friend Joe at pacbell.net, reacting to the Water Advisory Committee’s seeming preference to play ball with Woodland when it comes to tapping Sacramento River water, asks “Why do I get the feeling that the folks who came up with last year’s plan, a plan that significantly overstated the amount of water required, that had a rate structure no one understood and that failed to examine all the alternatives, are now trying to justify what they did by supporting the same plan with only a few minor changes.” … I think you’re nudging very close to the truth here, Joe … “I can only hope that the new council members will not be steamrolled, but hang tough until they get all the data needed to make an informed decision.” … that makes two of us, Joe …

— Entries to the Contest to Replace the Above Pictured Columnist are due by midnight Sept. 3 (yes, an extension has been granted to all procrastinators). Essays may be about any subject and should be between 400 and 800 words long. Entries should be emailed to [email protected]

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