Sunday, March 1, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

This delicious water is ours, for the taking

BobDunning2W

By
July 29, 2011 |

SOLVING OUR WATER WOES … while the cover story was that I was on a richly deserved vacation in the Pacific Northwest over the past few days, the truth of the matter is I was on a serious mission to save the city of Davis from financial ruin … and, I’m happy to report, I was wildly successful … yes, after hours of intense negotiation, I was able to secure water rights from the Columbia River for Davis at a fraction of the cost of importing Sacramento River water …

After meeting with the governors of Oregon and Washington, along with representatives of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police — the Columbia does, after all, originate in the wilds of British Columbia — I was told I was welcome to all the Columbia River water I could haul back home in five-gallon jugs … for free … I secured the same rights for each and every one of my 63,111 fellow Davisites …

After testing the water with my home salinity kit, I’m happy to report the Columbia is 99.44 percent pure, just like Ivory Soap … but please, don’t name me Citizen of the Year for my efforts … it’s the least I could do for the city I love …

DOING THE MATH … instead of using five-gallon jugs (see above), we could simply build a trench to divert Columbia River water southward … given that it’s about 600 miles from the Putah to the Columbia, and given that we have 63,111 Davisites, that means each of us will be personally responsible for digging just less than one-hundreth of a mile of the trench, or about 52 feet … it may sound like a lot of work, but if it will keep our water rates from quadrupling in the next few years, I have my shovel packed and am ready to head north …

SPEAKING OF NORTHWEST WATER … while the city of Davis’ most recent mailing claims bottled water goes for $1.29 per 16-ounce bottle, whoever came up with that figure apparently never shopped in Medford … yep, the Fred Meyer in this southern Oregon metropolis was selling deliciously refreshing gallon jugs of pure water for a mere 64 cents, which works out neatly to two ounces per penny … in other words, eight cents for 16 ounces … enough to make you want to move …

EVEN MORE WATER TALK … I got home just in time to miss the final “forum” on the new water rates, which are beginning to take on an air of inevitability … with all the forums in the bank, the City Council will take August off to gear up for its battle with the citizenry on Sept. 6 … and trust me, that’s going to be one interesting evening …

The city has promised, after much initial resistance, to mail out simplified “protest” forms to all 16,402 ratepayers in town … if a majority (8,202) choose to protest in writing, the city is forbidden from moving forward, but even Lloyd’s of London is unwilling to post odds of that actually happening … what is likely if the city goes ahead with its plan is some sort of petition drive to put this whole issue on the ballot, where the rate increase likely would be in serious trouble …

Stay tuned … things are about to get very interesting around the old hometown …

— Entries to the Contest to Replace the Above-Pictured Columnist are due by Friday, Aug. 19. Entries may be about any subject and should be between 400 and 800 words in length. Entries may be emailed to [email protected], and should include the author’s daytime and evening telephone numbers and a brief biography.

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