Help’s available
For more information on eating disorders, visit the National Eating Disorders Association website at http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org
For a free assessment, contact Summit Eating Disorders and Outreach Program at (916) 574-1000 or visit their website, http://www.sedop.org for more details
Reach Davis therapist Debbie Glander at [email protected] or (530) 219-6483
In a city where it seems that just about everyone bikes or runs or swims to stay fit, and spinning, Pilates and yoga classes are regularly filled to capacity, it’s easy to overlook a segment of the population for whom exercise is less about health, and more about something else entirely: a component of an eating disorder.
But in Davis, as in the rest of the country, more and and more adult women are suffering from eating disorders, professionals say.
In recent years it’s been dubbed “Desperate Housewives Syndrome,” named after the women — some might say impossibly thin women — of the popular television series. But in real life, it’s a label that’s been given to women in their 30s, 40s and 50s who suffer from eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia, as well as compulsive exercising.
“I’ve definitely seen a surge in these cases,” says local therapist Debbie Glander.
In Davis, where Glander’s private practice focuses on eating disorders and addiction, it’s the compulsive exercise that she sees frequently: Women who are at the gym or pounding the pavement for hours at a time.
Even when they’re not there physically, they’re there mentally, unable to fully focus on other aspects of their lives because they are preoccupied with what they’ve eaten, whether they’ve exercised enough to burn those calories off and when they’ll get a chance to exercise again.
Many of them, Glander says, “have struggled with body image and an unhealthy relationship with food since they were young.”
What’s different in midlife is that the shame that’s always been associated with eating disorders can be even greater.
“We think of eating disorders in teen girls and college students,” Glander notes, “so it’s embarrassing for moms and middle-age adults. They feel like they’re the only ones trapped by a preoccupation with exercise and body image. It’s hard for them to admit, to talk about.”
Glander, a marriage and family therapist registered intern, has worked at the Summit Eating Disorders and Outreach Program in Sacramento for several years, first as an intern and now on a per diem basis, and frequently refers Davis women there for treatment.
There, adult women find they definitely are not alone.
“People think of teenage girls when they think of eating disorders,” says Jennifer Lombardi, director of admissions at Summit. “And we have a good portion of teenagers in our program. But always, the greatest portion of our patients are adults.”
Nearly all of the middle-age women struggling with eating disorders, Lombardi says, have a history that dates back to high school or college.
“For whatever reason,” she explains, “they were able to stay alive and manage it. For some the illness has ebbed and flowed (but) they say they’ve never been completely free of the problem. It’s become a coping mechanism.”
Sometimes life changes trigger the disorder — becoming a parent, divorce, loss of a job, becoming an empty-nester. Glander suspects the prolonged economic recession has played a role as well.
Whatever the trigger, the eating disorder becomes a coping mechanism, a part of their lives women can control when much else in life might seem out of control. But for many, even that becomes unbearable.
“For women who have struggled with this off and on,” Lombardi says, “they say they’re just tired … tired of living with the sense of guilt and shame. And it’s exhausting. It’s the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning and the last thing you think about at night.”
An important thing for these women to know, both Glander and Lombardi stress, is that it’s not their fault.
“In Davis, we have so many successful, intelligent women, involved in their community,” Glander notes. “No one starts out wanting this. It’s not their fault: They were just vulnerable to the disorder.
“There’s an old saying,” she adds, “that ‘Genetics loads the gun, and environment pulls the trigger,’ and that’s particularly apt here.”
Indeed, Lombardi says the role of biological factors in eating disorders has become increasingly clear in recent years.
“There are five pieces to the puzzle of why someone struggles with an eating disorder,” Lombardi says.
Two are biological: a history of some degree of anxiety or depression, in themselves or family members, and certain personality traits that include being particularly driven, people-pleasing and sensitive.
“When you have those two pieces of the puzzle,”Lombardi says, “it alters brain chemistry. You can line up 15 girls who are starting on a diet routine and only two will end up with eating disorders. They are predisposed to it.
“It’s important to know because it takes away some of the shame,” she adds. “It’s the biological hook that comes into play.”
The nonbiological factors include trauma, family dynamics and the culture at large — a culture that venerates youth and beauty and disparages the normal aging process, which, often as not, includes putting on some weight.
“Our culture doesn’t cause eating disorders,”Lombardi says. “But it certainly creates a toxic environment.”
Adds Glander: “Aging is seen as something that is so negative, almost disgusting.”
Women like the denizens of Wisteria Lane on “Desperate Housewives” don’t help matters.
“But thank God we’re learning more and more about the surgeries and airbrushing and what stars do to look the way they do,” Glander says. “It’s not realistic. It’s not reality. And it’s important to not get caught up in believing it and thinking it’s attainable.”
When middle-age women do get caught up in an eating disorder, getting them into treatment actually can be tougher than with teens.
With adolescents, Glander notes, parents or other adults have have a lot more say in their children’s care. Not so when roles are reversed.
“It’s very tricky to get a mom into treatment,” Glander says.
“One of the challenges in that stage of life is they may be working, have children … trying to coordinate how they’re going to manage life in addition to treatment feels overwhelming,” Lombardi explains. “They don’t want to burden anyone. There’s a tremendous amount of shame, so it’s very hard to ask for that support.”
It may fall to spouses, other family members and friends to not only be there during treatment, but also speak up if they think there’s a problem to begin with.
“A lot of times friends are afraid to say something,” Glander says. “But it’s really important to take that risk. Focus on the facts, give examples, like, ‘I notice you miss lunch dates to work out.’ Let them know you’re there to talk to.”
The good news, she says, is older women bring more life lessons to their treatment.
“They’re capable of a higher level of insight than teens,” she explains. “They bring more tools to treatment, like the wisdom of life experiences (and) a greater understanding of internal happiness. They’re also more capable of digesting treatment plans.”
All important skills, especially for a disorder that, as Lombardi notes, “has the highest death rate of any mental illness.”
For more information on eating disorders, visit the National Eating Disorders Association website at http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.
For a free assessment, contact Summit at (916) 574-1000 or visit their website, http://www.sedop.org for more details. Reach Glander at [email protected] or (530) 219-6483.
— Reach Anne Ternus-Bellamy at [email protected] or (530) 747-8051.