Friday, April 18, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

How-to tips for the mother of the groom

By Rebecca Black

Traditionally, the mother of the bride has been the second most important person in the bridal party. She and her daughter, the bride, would take control of nearly all of the wedding planning preparations. Thankfully, this isn’t exactly how weddings are planned and executed today, as the bride and groom have more say. Isn’t this how it should be? After all, the couple is marrying, not the mother to her daughter.

Still, the role of mother of the bride is sacred. She is the last person seated before the wedding procession begins. And, many times she is her daughter’s escort. However, there are at least two mothers involved here; what about the mother of the groom? Often, she may feel left out and confused about her role in the modern wedding.

Let’s address some of that confusion.

Question: My son is getting married for the second time. It is his bride’s first. As parents of the groom, what are our monetary obligations? Does it matter that we already contributed for his first wedding?

Answer: You are not obligated to contribute anything except your congratulations. Parents are no longer financially obligated for their children’s weddings. Of course, that also means that parents have no planning or inviting rights as well, even if they do contribute.

Q: My son is getting married at 2 p.m.; what length dress would be most appropriate?

A: It really depends on the formality of the event. Usually, daytime weddings are less formal than those held in the evening. However, there are exceptions. Most often, Catholic weddings are held in the afternoon and are formal. Therefore, it is best to consider all variables.

However, as mother of the groom you are expected to coordinate with the bride’s mother, while not dressing more formally than she does. So, it is best to contact her directly, or ask your son to find out what her attire will be.

For mothers, major wedding attire no-nos are strapless gowns, anything too revealing, and bright colors, especially red.

Q: I am the mother of a groom. The bride’s shower is out of town. Is it required that I attend? It’s just so expensive to fly, and I would also have to travel by myself since no other family members can attend with me. Plus, we will be flying our entire family out of town for the wedding in a matter of eight weeks.

I’m happy to be included, and of course I would send a proper gift if not attending. However, I don’t want to offend the bride by not going. She and her mother said they would love to have me attend, but they would understand if I could not.

Can you offer some proper etiquette for me to follow?

A: This is very common. When from out of town, it is not necessary for mothers to attend. In fact, a gift isn’t obligatory as well. However, for parents, there is a shower gift expectation these days. Gift expectation isn’t something I subscribe to, but many others do. Hence, it’s probably best to send one.

Q: We are paying one-third of our son’s wedding expenses per his insistence. The invitations just arrived and we were not listed as hosts. Shouldn’t we have been? The bride’s parents were.

A: Ouch! I’m sorry your son and his fiancée didn’t know any better. In the first place, they shouldn’t have requested that you pay for any part of their wedding. Your son could have asked if you might want to, but to insist … not polite.

Yes, your names should be listed on the invitation as hosts — directly under the parents of the bride. However, knowing this doesn’t help you or make the situation any better. It may be best to discuss this with your son privately. He can’t change what has transpired. However, he might be able to avoid any further missteps.

— Rebecca Black is an etiquette specialist and teacher in Davis. For more information, visit http://www.etiquettenow.com

Special to The Enterprise

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Davis Enterprise does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

News

Old friend helps Brad and others find kidneys

By Dave Jones | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Chuck Rairdan joins school board race

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1

Davis United Methodist Church, Holmes Green Team leaders honored

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Need a new best friend?

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
‘Hitchhiking’ dog looking for new home

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Online K-12 school holds info night

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Volkssporting Club plans North Davis walks

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Schwenger lawn signs available

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A4

Volunteers needed for Grad Night

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Davis grad makes rain collection a business

By Jason McAlister | From Page: A4 | Gallery

A few spots left on history tour

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Chipotle fundraiser boosts Emerson tech upgrade

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Event to provide nature scholarship

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Students have new options on leasing front

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5 | Gallery

Author discusses memoirs of Appalachia at The Avid Reader

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

 
NAMI backers walk in Sacramento

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

 
Food for the hungry

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A10

Groups join for a day of service

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

 
.

Forum

Dad makes mom look bad

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B5

 
More tax money? Answer the question

By Rich Rifkin | From Page: A6

 
UCD IS responsible for students

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

 
In search of great ideas

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

Please keep the nursery open

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Early help is a great investment

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

.

Sports

Sharks double up Kings in Game 1

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

 
Aggies lose a slugfest in opener at Riverside

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

Fox coming to UCD; Riffle heads to Florida

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

 
DHS’ Golston goes full-bore on the diamond

By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Devils show more life in loss to Mitty

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
DYSA roundup: Intensity has big week; 10U games dominate schedule

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

Pro baseball roundup: Susac sends Sacramento to a rare loss

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
Sports briefs: Aggies set the academic bar high

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B8 | Gallery

.

Features

.

Arts

‘The Bloom’ paves way for Whole Earth Festival

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
DHS tribute to Tony Fields slated for April 25-26

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

UCD, city team up for Music on the Green

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
‘Transcendence’: A whole new level of tedium

By Derrick Bang | From Page: A11 | Gallery

.

Business

Ford turns its Focus to domestic market

By Ali Arsham | From Page: B3 | Gallery

 
.

Obituaries

.

Comics

Comics: Friday, April 18, 2014

By Creator | From Page: A9

 
.

Real Estate Review

Featured Listing

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER1

Professional Services Directory

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER2

Lyon Real Estate

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER3

Acacia at Huntington Square

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER4

Jamie Madison

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER4

Yolo FCU

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER4

Travis Credit Union

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER5

Kim Eichorn

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER6

Suzanne Kimmel

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER6

Lynne Wegner

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER7

Kim Merrel Lamb

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER7

Patricia Echevarria

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER8

Chris Snow

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER8

Sheryl Patterson

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER9

Don Guthrie

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER9

Andrew Dowling

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER9

Coldwell Banker

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER10

Coldwell Banker

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER11

Heather Barnes

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER12

Julie Partain & Dick Partain

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER12

Malek Baroody

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER13

Karen Waggoner

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER14

Willowbank Park

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER14

Julie Leonard

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER15

Tim Harrison

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER15

Team Traverso

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER15

Tracy Harris

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER16

Lori Prizmich

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER16

Joe Kaplan

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER17

Raul Zamora

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER17

Coldwell Banker

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER18

Open House Map

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER19

F1rst Street Real Estate

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER20