Tuesday, October 21, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Are we there yet?: Self-reflections of a would-be stage mom

TanyaPereznewW

By
From page A8 | April 16, 2014 |

I’ve recently had to evaluate my, ahem, above-average interest in my son’s garage band and ask myself the hard question: Am I a stage mom?

A quick Google search of “stage mom” gave a glimpse of shudder-worthy listings: “15 Signs You Might Be a Stage Mom,” from Backstage.com, which included images of Voldemort and words like “restraining order,” as well as cautionary tales about Corey Feldman and JonBenet Ramsey. This was not a club in which I wanted membership.

The reason this comes up now is that my 17-year-old son and his band just performed on one of the stages at Picnic Day. It was exciting, fun and completely angst-inducing. The lead-up to their 30-minute gig last Saturday shaved off about three years of my life.

A little back story — my son and five of his friends formed a band in their freshman year. Now late into their junior year, they’ve done a couple of live performances, and they’ve said they wanted to push themselves to do more. But there are no pushers in this group … either politeness or Newton’s First Law (ooh, “Objects at Rest” would make a great band name!) or plain old disinterest kept anyone from taking the lead.

After rehearsals when they sounded so good, I’d ask my son if the band had plans to play somewhere. He’d respond, “I hope so.” I’d gently put forth a follow-up question — “When? Where?”— to which he’d say, “I don’t know.”

I swear this next part is true … one of the band members approached me and asked me to be their manager since none of them had the inclination to take the lead. My son made it clear that this was not gonna happen, which I completely respected. And honestly, I didn’t want to be involved, but I did want to help if they needed.

So as I nudged them toward filling out an application to perform at Picnic Day — and “nudging” meant I filled it out and submitted it for them — I had confidence I could step back while they’d do the rest.

However, a couple of weeks after the band had been chosen to play, my son casually informed me that their lead singer was going to Ashland, Ore., for the Shakespeare festival the same weekend as Picnic Day. I followed my son’s nonchalance-y lead and said, “Hmm, what are you guys going to do?”

You know what comes next. They tried to find another singer — turns out, lots of singing teens would be in Ashland that weekend — but to my adult eyes, they weren’t trying hard enough. Every couple of days I would ask my son about their quest, to which he’d respond with annoyance, “We’re trying!”

He got really, really bothered by my queries, but I was so nervous for them as the clock kept ticking toward Picnic Day. It seemed like bad parenting to not suggest options they might not have considered. But I also try to live by a mantra that makes a lot of sense to me: You can’t be more upset about a situation than the person who is most affected by it is. And the more-affected person was pretty calm.

Cutting to the chase, they found a stand-in singer (four days before the big event — oy!) who did a good job and it all turned out fine.

But my son’s frustration with my attempts to be supportive has made me stand back and assess my stage-momming.

According to imom.com, there are five traits of stage moms:

“1. Stage moms are, at the root of it all, insecure.” Nope, that’s not my issue.

“2. Stage moms love to compare their kids to others, whatever the activity.” Uh-oh, we might be getting a little closer to my problem. If I’m being honest, I really do like comparing my kids to others, but only in my head. I try to save my bragging for their grandparents or my very closest friends.

“3. Stage moms will sacrifice other very important things, like family time, the family budget, or church attendance to pursue accolades for her kids.” We sacrifice nothing important to help our kids get where they want to be.

“4. Stage moms don’t appreciate the lessons that come with losing.” Hmm, that’s a good one … Losing sucks, and it’s very painful to watch your child suffer a loss. But I can say with total confidence that both my kids have had plenty of chances to learn from losing, and my husband and I didn’t intervene or fight their battles

“5. Stage moms occasionally live in the past.” Not me … I much prefer today to yesterday.

Overall, I think I deserve a B+ in not being too stage-momesque. My kids might give me a lower grade, but I’m confident they’re not going to be filing for a restraining order anytime soon.

— Tanya Perez is an associate editor at The Enterprise. Her column publishes every other Wednesday. Reach her at tperez@davisenterprise.net. Follow her on Twitter at @enterprisetanya

Comments

comments

.

News

So much more than a cute baby store

By Bob Schultz | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Suspected arson fires worry neighbors, firefighters

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Winters homicide case enters jury-selection phase

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1

 
Pets of the week

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2 | Gallery

 
Fill the Boot for the hungry

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

Existing home sales rise in September

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
For the record

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

Democrats love seeing minimum wage on the ballot

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Yolo Knitters Guild plans fall meetings

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Local farm products found at hospital market

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Tax tips offered for sole proprietors

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Apply now for community mediation training

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Paws for Thought: Pets for Vets: matches made in heaven

By Evelyn Dale | From Page: A3 | Gallery

‘Tokyo Kill’ author will visit bookstore

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

 
Sierra Club gathers for morning walks

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

DPNS has play group, preschool openings

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
First-time home buyers get free advice

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Psychiatric clinic hosts open house

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Beer dinner set on Co-op patio

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Walkin’ the Dawg through the park

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4 | Gallery

 
 
Essay contest winners will be honored Tuesday

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

Volunteers sought to make veggie bags

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Library hosts after-hours teen movie nights

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Forum eyes impacts of raising the local minimum wage

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

 
NAMI-Yolo family support group meets Sunday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

To save the birds, look to the fish

By Kat Kerlin | From Page: A7 | Gallery

 
Birding field trip planned Saturday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A12 | Gallery

.

Forum

Ready to go, whatever happens

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
Where there’s a will …

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

U.N. steps up to lead Ebola response

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

 
John Cole cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A8

These three are the best

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A8

 
Sunder has bold vision

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A8

Archer, Nolan are my picks

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A8

 
She’s innovative, passionate

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A8

An accidental fan becomes a baseball devotee

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

 
.

Sports

Devil defense regresses in football loss

By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1

 
UCD’s Wegener is the engine that drives the train

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Villegas wonderstrike powers Devils

By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
DHS golfers take the title

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

Sports briefs: Top-end tennis talent helps DHS girls grab a win

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
Junior Blue Devils: Regular slate ends with 2 Davis teams playoff bound

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3 | Gallery

After running the gridiron gauntlet, can UCD regroup?

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B8 | Gallery

 
.

Features

.

Arts

Stories on Stage Davis presents tales by Lescroart, Montieth

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A11 | Gallery

 
 
.

Business

.

Obituaries

Peggy Belenis Swisher

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Comics: Tuesday, October 21, 2014 (set 1)

By Creator | From Page: B5

 
Comics: Tuesday, October 21, 2014 (set 2)

By Creator | From Page: B7