Friday, February 27, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Life in the slow lane: Is this the modern-day break-up?

ValerieFrankelW

By
From page A4 | April 09, 2014 |

“We broke up.”

“What did he say?”

“He didn’t say anything, he just changed his Facebook status to ‘single’ and my best friend saw it and texted me about it; then I saw a picture on Instagram of him with another girl.”

I kid you not; I’ve heard these words. This is how some teenagers end relationships.

It brought me back to eighth grade and the heartbreak I felt when a boy whom I really liked told me that we should “break up.” At the time, I was completely devastated and thought my world was ending. However, at least the tone in his voice and the way he looked at me showed that he cared, he felt bad, even though he still wanted to dump me.

Looking back, it felt like a real ending — but the modern-day version of breaking up via electronics leaves the couple not having to face each other’s emotional experiences.

In this day of Instagram, texting, Snapchat and Facebook, it proves difficult for teenagers to actually talk without any devices. Teenagers can decide to date, have a relationship and end that relationship all via electronics as the main medium of communication. There’s actually research being done about the effects of breaking up via Facebook.

Do we want our kids to grow up and have relationships with people without knowing how to look them in the eyes and say, “I want to break up”? Our kids miss out on being able to observe how their words can impact others. Reading a Facebook post does not teach this.

So if texting is one way people can maintain invisibility with their emotions, how do we teach kids to handle upsetting someone face to face? We can’t exactly start practicing break-ups with them, but we can show them how uncomfortable feelings can be handled.

At work, I often encourage clients to not hide an occasional argument from their kids — it’s OK for kids to see how real-life upsetting situations are handled. If children are encouraged to express their feelings — including difficult ones — in front of others, they learn. A modern-day parent’s job clearly includes showing kids how to talk about their emotional experiences, which, I hope, will lead to texting with empathy and integrity.

Admittedly, I’m still concerned. Kids probably will grow up texting their friends before picking up the phone to talk. They will live through the ups and downs of their relationships via electronics because that’s what “everyone” does.
And if they break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend by texting or an online post, will they be as kind as my eighth-grade boyfriend? Will they understand that underneath a Facebook relationship status-change there are feelings? I hope so.

— Valerie Frankel, MFT, is a licensed therapist in private practice who lives in Davis with her family. Her column is published monthly. Reach her at [email protected]

Comments

comments

Valerie Frankel

.

News

 
New greenhouse will add to ‘Farm to Mouth’ program

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Learn about pollinators, gardens and honey at Yolo Basin fundraiser

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Can you give them a home?

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2 | Gallery

 
For the record

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

Fire damages South Davis home

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2 | Gallery

 
Gerber nominations close Saturday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Explorit: Humming right along

By Lisa Justice | From Page: A3

Flower arrangers feature S.F. designer

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Celebrate Africa on Saturday at I-House

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Chamber explores how to pay for Davis’ needs

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Wolk and Dodd team up to provide Napa earthquake tax relief

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

Robb Davis to speak about homelessness, energy

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Spring sing-along is March 4

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

A fill-up mishap

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

 
Two free yoga classes offered March 12

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Take a night walk at Cache Creek

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Class of 1970 plans 45-year reunion

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Bicycle safety course to be offered in Davis

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Documentary on immigration issues will be screened

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

 
Learn about your brain on March 14

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Adopt a household for Bridge to Housing participants

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

 
Workshop will teach sustainable gardening methods

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

 
.

Forum

Tired of all of this

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
No extra cost for containers

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B6

Oral Health Project launches

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B6

 
Here an H, there an H

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B6

Cavalier attitude about bike safety

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B6

 
Start early to build healthy dental habits

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B6

 
Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: B6

.

Sports

Blue Devil boys expect a spike in production

By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Inquiring minds want to know about Aggies

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

Encouraging start for DHS boys tennis team

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Off day for Aggie men at UCSB

By Kim Orendor | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Aggie women fall to 4th after lackluster showing

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Lady Devils are on to the SJS semis

By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Late goal lifts Red Wings over Sharks

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4 | Gallery

Watney struggling at windy Honda Classic

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B12

 
.

Features

.

Arts

International Film Series to present ‘Jaffa’

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

 
Monticello announces March schedule

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

The Artery presents ‘Stepping Into Nature’

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A10 | Gallery

 
YoloArts’ Gallery 625 presents ‘The Poetry of Dots’

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10 | Gallery

‘Focus': A sharply conceived caper

By Derrick Bang | From Page: A11 | Gallery

 
The Woodland Opera House announces 2015-16 season

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A12 | Gallery

.

Business

Nissan’s Z remains an affordable performer

By Ann M. Job | From Page: B3

 
Car Care: Simple DIY steps to protect your car through all seasons

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

 
.

Obituaries

Vernon E. Burton

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
Dieter W. Gruenwedel

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

George Miller Jr.

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
Death notice: Celia E. Recchio

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

.

Comics

Comics: Friday, February 27, 2015

By Creator | From Page: B5