Tuesday, March 31, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Life in the Slow Lane: Popularity at a not-so-popular price

ValerieFrankelW

By
From page A3 | July 09, 2014 |

What makes someone popular? As I witness kids at home and work go through the ups and downs of friendships, I wonder what are the ingredients to creating popularity. Because I know for sure we aren’t born with it.

I remember way back in fifth grade, when I wanted desperately for the “popular” girl to like me. On some days she did, and some days she didn’t. It was a crazy, emotional roller coaster. My wise mom would tell me that this girl wasn’t a true friend, but I didn’t listen — I was busy convincing myself that this girl was supposed to like me. I learned the hard way, through many tears, what my mom meant. I focused on my truest friends, who are still my friends, nearly 40 years later.

Oh, and don’t forget the jeans — yes, many girls are convinced that they will be liked more if they have the “right” jeans. I truly thought that my mom was sabotaging my social life based on not wanting to spend more than $16 on the special Dittos brand jeans that would win any friend over. Fast-forward to present day, and many parents are having the same struggle with their kids (and the price of jeans has increased considerably).

I know that I sound like my grandpa with what I’m about to say — kids these days are growing up too fast. The popularity race plus the technology age equals a younger generation racing along the fast track. There’s research being done on these popular teens who are growing up faster. They are actually missing out on what they are truly supposed to be doing; simply being a teenager, not trying to reach adulthood too quickly. Popularity can’t come at any cost, especially missing out on developmental milestones.

What can our kids do to avoid this fast track to popularity and beyond? That’s where we come in as parents, to help them develop a sense of themselves and who they are in the world. Figuring out how they feel around certain friends is helpful, as they learn who they can be themselves with and who they can’t.

They need to figure out some of this without us, even if it means feeling crushed when someone doesn’t like them. Yes, it’s OK to let our kids get hurt, as the recovery and learning from the experience is part of the process.

As a parent, I can’t convince my daughter what is more important — to fit in or stay true to herself. She is going to have to buy a ticket on the same roller-coaster ride I was on in fifth grade, and hopefully pick the people who are friends for who she is on the inside, not for what jeans she’s wearing.

— Valerie Frankel, MFT, is a licensed therapist in private practice who lives in Davis with her family. Her column publishes monthly. Reach her at [email protected]

Comments

comments

Valerie Frankel

.

News

Special playground dedication slated

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A1

 
 
‘Old Autos’ at Hattie Weber Museum

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Lenten giving project highlights climate justice

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4 | Gallery

 
DCCNS plans open house April 8

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Parent-child open house previews new Waldorf classes

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Summer garden alert!

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

Poker tourney benefits DMTC

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Davis FFA and ag students host plant sale

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A4

Camp Shakespeare begins Saturday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Davis tops list of best schools for the buck

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A4

Pence Gallery recruiting volunteers

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Tour de Cluck has selected its coops

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5 | Gallery

City extends nomination period for Huynh Awards

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

 
CBH hosts Passover Community Potluck Seder

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Parenting class meets Tuesdays

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

RSVP for Gerber Young Community Leader reception

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Neighbors invited to adopt Willow Creek Park

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

Yolo animal shelter seeks donations

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A5Comments are off for this post

 
Move over, Muggles

By Wayne Tilcock | From Page: A5

Meeting examines Northstar Pond priorities

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

 
.

Forum

Why can’t we be friends?

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
.

Sports

UC Davis opens hopeful spring football camp

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
A very palpable hit

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
UC Davis plays 7 of next 8 softball games at home

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
Over the years, The Show has been a reach for Davis

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Sleiffer leads Aggie tennis win versus Montana

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
Grizzlies beat Kings to end three-game skid

By The Associated Press | From Page: B10 | Gallery

Snubbed Temple, returning Stanford highlight NIT semis

By The Associated Press | From Page: B10

 
.

Features

.

Arts

30 years of dance in Davis with Pamela Trokanski

By Chloe Lessard | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
‘A Year with Frog and Toad’ a delightful family show

By Bev Sykes | From Page: A9 | Gallery

Mischief to play at Picnic in the Park

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9 | Gallery

 
Yolo Mambo will play at winery

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

Thursday Live! plans a blues party

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

 
Jane Lynch performance rescheduled to August

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A9 | Gallery

Hear some April Fool’s night jazz

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

 
Dance the night away at house party

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

 
.

Business

.

Obituaries

.

Comics

Comics: Tuesday, March 31, 2015 (set 1)

By Creator | From Page: B5

 
Comics: Tuesday, March 31, 2015 (set 2)

By Creator | From Page: B7