Sunday, December 28, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Life in the Slow Lane: Popularity at a not-so-popular price

ValerieFrankelW

By
From page A3 | July 09, 2014 |

What makes someone popular? As I witness kids at home and work go through the ups and downs of friendships, I wonder what are the ingredients to creating popularity. Because I know for sure we aren’t born with it.

I remember way back in fifth grade, when I wanted desperately for the “popular” girl to like me. On some days she did, and some days she didn’t. It was a crazy, emotional roller coaster. My wise mom would tell me that this girl wasn’t a true friend, but I didn’t listen — I was busy convincing myself that this girl was supposed to like me. I learned the hard way, through many tears, what my mom meant. I focused on my truest friends, who are still my friends, nearly 40 years later.

Oh, and don’t forget the jeans — yes, many girls are convinced that they will be liked more if they have the “right” jeans. I truly thought that my mom was sabotaging my social life based on not wanting to spend more than $16 on the special Dittos brand jeans that would win any friend over. Fast-forward to present day, and many parents are having the same struggle with their kids (and the price of jeans has increased considerably).

I know that I sound like my grandpa with what I’m about to say — kids these days are growing up too fast. The popularity race plus the technology age equals a younger generation racing along the fast track. There’s research being done on these popular teens who are growing up faster. They are actually missing out on what they are truly supposed to be doing; simply being a teenager, not trying to reach adulthood too quickly. Popularity can’t come at any cost, especially missing out on developmental milestones.

What can our kids do to avoid this fast track to popularity and beyond? That’s where we come in as parents, to help them develop a sense of themselves and who they are in the world. Figuring out how they feel around certain friends is helpful, as they learn who they can be themselves with and who they can’t.

They need to figure out some of this without us, even if it means feeling crushed when someone doesn’t like them. Yes, it’s OK to let our kids get hurt, as the recovery and learning from the experience is part of the process.

As a parent, I can’t convince my daughter what is more important — to fit in or stay true to herself. She is going to have to buy a ticket on the same roller-coaster ride I was on in fifth grade, and hopefully pick the people who are friends for who she is on the inside, not for what jeans she’s wearing.

— Valerie Frankel, MFT, is a licensed therapist in private practice who lives in Davis with her family. Her column publishes monthly. Reach her at vfrankel@gmail.com

Comments

comments

Valerie Frankel

.

News

 
Yolo makes hydrogen connection

By Elizabeth Case | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
N. Korea uses racial slur against Obama over hack

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
AirAsia plane with 162 aboard missing in Indonesia

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Sacramento man convicted for 2011 bar shooting

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

Drugs, stolen car lead to women’s arrests

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

 
NYC officer mourned at funeral as tensions linger

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

Supplies collected for victims of abuse

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Holiday hours continue at The Enterprise

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Reserve tickets soon for Chamber’s Installation Gala

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
UC Davis debate team wins national championship

By Kathy Keatley Garvey | From Page: A3 | Gallery

Covell Gardens hosts New Year’s Eve dance

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Portuguese breakfast set for Jan. 25

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Pedal around Davis on weekly bike ride

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
USA Weekend calls it quits

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Nominate teens for Golden Heart awards

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Sweet success: Cancer Center helps young patient celebrate end of treatment

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

At the Pond: It all started with kayaking on Putah Creek

By Jean Jackman | From Page: A5 | Gallery

 
Find the first cabbage white butterfly, and win a pitcher

By Kathy Keatley Garvey | From Page: A6 | Gallery

Does pre-eclampsia raise autism risk?

By Phyllis Brown | From Page: A6

 
Long will talk about value of hedgerows for adjacent farms

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6 | Gallery

 
It’s a wonderful life — and a wonderful state

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8 | Gallery

College sees benefits in loan guarantees

By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

 
Tickets for New Year’s Eve party going fast

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A12

.

Forum

It was a busy, black-eye year for disease control

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

 
 
Say thanks to the caregivers

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

Bombing is not the answer

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

 
Just Us in Davis: Despair and hope for the new year

By Jonathan London | From Page: A10

Commission’s list needs vetting

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

 
Rifkin’s statement is offensive

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

Cuba policy changes highlight a momentous opportunity

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A11 | Gallery

 
Writer’s arguments fall flat

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A11

.

Sports

Sacramento survives Knicks in OT

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Kings cruise past Sharks

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Lady Blue Devils top Tigers to reach Ram Jam title game

By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
DHS boys get good film in tournament loss

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

Sports briefs: Republic FC to host camp series

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

 
College bowl roundup: Sun Bowl goes to the Sun Devils

By The Associated Press | From Page: B10 | Gallery

.

Features

.

Arts

.

Business

Rob White: Davis tech community is growing

By Rob White | From Page: A9

 
Yolo County real estate sales

By Zoe Juanitas | From Page: A9

First Northern adds Peyret to agribusiness loan team

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

 
Kaiser’s trauma center in Vacaville earns verification

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

.

Obituaries

Ruth Allen Barr

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
Charles ‘Bud’ Meyer

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

.

Comics

Comics: Sunday, December 28, 2014

By Creator | From Page: B8