The principal is terrific. However, there is an older teacher who has been at this school for years, and she is making my daughter’s life miserable. This teacher runs the show. My daughter quit going to the teachers lounge, because it was a place for gossiping about other teachers and parents and speaking negatively about the children. She was pulled into the principal’s office and informed that the other teachers found her “cold” and unsociable because she wasn’t going to the teachers lounge. She tried again, but her colleagues shunned her. She sometimes would walk into the lounge and catch them talking about her.

For all other teachers’ birthdays, they would bring desserts and food, but nothing was done for hers. She brought in snacks on her birthday to share, and not a single teacher ate any of them. She has tried asking other teachers for advice and has inquired about their families, but they act disinterested and make snide comments.

My daughter is intelligent and has excellent social skills. She can see the oldest teacher is the ringleader of a group of bullies. What kind of example is this for teachers to set for the children? They should be mentoring a new teacher, not ostracizing her. Any advice on how to deal with this situation?

— Can’t Believe Adults Act This Way

Dear Can’t: Adult bullies are often insecure, particularly if they crave power and control and think you are a threat. While you can be a source of emotional support, this is your daughter’s battle. She can document instances of bullying and present it to the principal, but that may not be effective. She can avoid the bullies altogether or try to cozy up to the main bully, flattering her and telling her how important she is. She can attempt to make friends with one other teacher and have an ally. And, if necessary, she can apply for a job with another school where they take such behavior more seriously.

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Dear Annie: It disappoints me when I see ticketed events offer a discount for being part of a couple. Why is it $50 per couple but $30 for a single ticket? Why are single people asked to pay more? Shouldn’t everyone pay the same amount?

Offering a discount to be part of a couple is sending the wrong message, especially to young people. I see this all the time for proms. Why aren’t advisers attuned to this subtle, hurtful discrimination against the student who doesn’t have a date? And please don’t suggest that two friends go together and get the discount. Why should they have to pair up to fit an antiquated pricing model?

— One Price for All

Dear One Price: This isn’t intended to punish single people. It’s intended to sell more tickets. If buying two tickets costs less per ticket, people are more likely to purchase two, even if it means asking your grandmother’s next-door neighbor’s uncle. And while we agree that school events should not favor couples, friends also buy these discounted tickets and go in a group. We are all in favor of that.

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Dear Annie: You told “Begging for Mummy and Daddy” to avoid the “culture that contributes to your drug use,” meaning he should stay away from his pusher and friends who encourage it. That hint is too subtle for a drug user.

You should have told him that leaving drugs in the bathroom could get Mummy’s house confiscated. You should have told him to go to the library and use one of their computers to turn in his pusher anonymously. That is the only way for him to avoid drugs.

— A Very Disillusioned Old Man

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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

The girls were not particularly interested in dating until recently. Our oldest met a guy at work and has fallen hard. She’s always been family oriented, but for the past three months, all she wants to do is be with this guy 24/7. She spends most nights at his place, and we don’t see her at all on the weekends.

This behavior does not sit well with me. I don’t think it’s a good idea to spend the night with your boyfriend so early in the relationship. I also don’t like that she disregards her family, especially her younger sister, with whom she had a close relationship. My position is, if she’s still living at home, she should come home to sleep. She can fool around with this guy the rest of the day.

I understand I may have some old-fashioned values, but allowing my daughter to live with her boyfriend on a part-time basis shows no respect for my position and is hard for me to swallow. I normally have a great relationship with her, but I haven’t seen or spoken to her in more than two weeks.

I’m concerned that if I ask her to have dinner with us more often and spend some time with family on the weekends, she will resent it and it will make matters worse. Am I out of line?

— Concerned Dad

Dear Dad: Be careful, Dad. Your daughter is now a grown woman. The lack of prior dating could be one reason why she is so over the moon for the new boyfriend. You apparently don’t object to her having sex, the too-soon timing of which is not up to you and at this point is moot anyway. You simply miss the girl she used to be.

It’s OK for you to say you don’t wish to subsidize her living with the boyfriend, but we hope you will do so in a loving way, letting her know you miss her at dinnertime. But we also recommend you invite the boyfriend to join you for meals and weekend activities. This will not only encourage your daughter’s participation, but it will allow you to get to know the man who may become your son-in-law.

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Dear Annie: My oldest sister is very selfish. She has three young children but never wants to spend any time with them. Sis is in her early 40s and acts as if she’s 16. She is only concerned with herself and what others can do for her.

She and her husband are always going out and foisting their children on everyone else. When we won’t watch her kids, she gets angry and then tells the kids we don’t love them. Unfortunately, Sis lives in the same town as my parents. I’d like to visit my folks, but I prefer to avoid my sister. Is that wrong?

— Helpless Sibling

Dear Sibling: We know it will be difficult, but we urge you to remain civil to your sister for the sake of her children. They need you. Since you don’t live nearby, her selfishness should be manageable in small doses on rare occasion. Please try.

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Dear Annie: Thank you for printing the letter from “A Father Who Knows.”

My 9-year-old son is legally blind and has epilepsy. He is often quiet and withdrawn, and leaving the house with him can be quite a task. He is impulsive and often says and does inappropriate things in public. We continually work with him.

I thought I was the only parent who could possibly understand what was going on with my son. I cried reading this letter, because it made me realize that others know my struggles.

— A Coping Mom

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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Martin was recently fired after several incidents at work, some of them physical. They lost their home and now rent. They each accuse the other of being crazy and stupid. One sleeps constantly. They do not communicate in any way. They have given up hope of ever being happy or ever achieving anything.

We listen to them and can’t decide who is right or wrong. We think they are both at fault, but we have no idea how to help them. Divorce is out of the question. They’ve been to counseling and thought it was a joke. We’re getting too old for this.

— Usually Have an Answer

Dear Usually: There is no definitive “right” or “wrong.” Your son and his wife have an alcohol problem and other issues that they are not addressing. No one should endure such an unhappy life if things can be done to make it better.

Please urge them to go back to counseling for their children’s sake. If they didn’t like the first counselor, they can look for someone who is a better fit. They can go separately or together. They also should look for a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, and the kids can check out Alateen (al-anon.alateen.org). In the meantime, please offer to take those children into your home as often as possible so they have some semblance of stability.

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Dear Annie: My widowed mother is 79 years old and has been diagnosed with mild dementia that is getting progressively worse. She lives alone, and I am 10 minutes away.

Here’s my question: What is the best way to care for my mother? When will I know the time is right to place her in a nursing home? What kind of facility is best? I have a sister, but she has nothing to do with me. I feel alone and naive about Mom’s care. Do you have any suggestions?

— Doing It Myself

Dear Doing: A lot of this is dictated by finances. Can your mother afford round-the-clock care in her own home? That is often the kindest solution. Is there an affordable CCRC (Continuing Care Retirement Community) that offers independent living, followed by assisted living, followed by nursing home care as needed? You can contact the Eldercare Locator (eldercare.gov) at 1-800-677-1116 to find resources in your area. Or, if you can afford it, you can get help navigating your options by hiring a private care manager through the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers at caremanager.org.

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Dear Annie: My heart goes out to “A Regretful Grandma,” who grieves her grandchild aborted 40 years ago. Your advice to seek grief counseling was excellent, but many counselors are not trained or sensitive to this particular kind of grief.

I would like to let Regretful Grandma and others know about the National Office of Post-Abortion Reconciliation and Healing (noparh.org) at 1-800-5WE-CARE. They offer both secular and religious resources and referrals, and their website has a page just for grandparents.

— Reader in Baton Rouge

Dear Baton: Many readers wrote to us with referrals, many to Rachel’s Vineyard, and most of which are religious in nature. Thank you for helping.

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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

We have been married for 40 years. “Victor” always had a wandering eye and a problem being faithful. For whatever reason, I was never enough for him. He has no idea how much he has hurt me over the years. I put up with a lot, but now he has started watching pornography when he thinks I’m asleep. I know he’s masturbating, but if I ask whether he wants to have sex, he says “no,” and eventually, I fall asleep.

This makes me feel as if he’s cheating on me in my own bed. I’ve tried talking to Victor about it, but he thinks I’m the one with the problem. What do you think?

— Betrayed

Dear Betrayed: You must ask yourself what you want out of this marriage after 40 years. Can you make Victor stop having affairs and watching pornography? Not unless he understands that it is a betrayal and decides he doesn’t want to hurt you anymore. That would require effort on his part, and likely counseling to help him navigate a new way to relate to you. If you think he would be willing, please suggest it.

You also can get counseling on your own and learn what you are willing to tolerate for the sake of remaining in the marriage if you choose to stay. In the meantime, contact COSA (cosa-recovery.org), a 12-step program for those whose lives have been affected by another person’s compulsive sexual behavior.

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Dear Annie: I’ve been friendly with a neighbor for some time, as we are both cat owners. I recently let my cat outside briefly, and he came in limping as a result of a catfight. I immediately rushed him to my vet, who performed emergency surgery and presented me with a big bill.

When telling my neighbor of the expenses, he said I was foolish to have been so concerned about a cat. Annie, I was shocked to hear this from a fellow cat owner and have ceased speaking to him. He has made overtures toward friendship, and I’ve rebuffed him. Should I forgive and forget?

— Cat Lover Ed

Dear Ed: No one expects you to agree with everything your friends think, do and say. Yes, we are surprised that a fellow cat owner would seem so callous. But this is essentially a difference of opinion about how much money one would spend on an animal’s treatment. If you think this comment means your neighbor is an unkind, nasty person, you don’t need to stay friends. But if he is otherwise a good guy and you miss his friendship, please forgive him.

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Dear Annie: “Conflicted Adoptee in Kansas” was hurt that her biological mother didn’t want to tell her other grown children about her.

Three years ago, my 70-year-old grandmother walked over to my mother, handed her a piece of paper and said, “Well, you’ve always wanted a sister.” Grandma had given up a baby girl when Grandpa was still married to his first wife. When she became pregnant again (with my mother), they finally wed.

At first we were shocked. Grandma was ashamed and embarrassed. My mother was excited to get to know her new sister, but they discovered that they really don’t care much for each other. In fact, no one in the family likes her, but we feel obligated to be nice and polite.

Grandma refuses to talk about it. The one thing she had written in the adoption records was that she didn’t want anyone in her family to know. I completely understand why some things are better left alone.

— Omaha, Neb.

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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

My darling 4-year-old grandson looks 99 percent Caucasian, but he is actually 50 percent African-American. His biological father is in prison and has not been in the picture since he slept with our daughter. We doubt he will ever be interested in his son. We are raising the boy in an all-white environment, and I worry what will happen when he is older and starts asking questions about his father and his race.

My grandson also has several relatives who live in our town, and a few of them have been by to see him. Once he starts school, I believe he will find out the truth about his birth.

What is the best way to handle this? Should we start explaining his mixed-heritage now or wait until he is older? How do we approach the topic of his jailbird father? I worry about his emotional health if he feels we have deceived him. Our daughter lives with us, too, but we are in charge of the day-to-day child rearing. Please give me some advice.

— Concerned Grandma

Dear Grandma: Some things are best dealt with head-on. Your grandson’s biracial heritage should be incorporated into his daily life. He may not completely understand how he can look white yet also be black, so explain that “black” can include many different colors. Show him pictures of celebrities and public figures who are also biracial. If you don’t know enough about his cultural heritage, read books and take field trips to museums, and make sure he is inculcated with the positive aspects. He should be proud of who he is.

His father’s status, however, is something that can be postponed until he asks. Do not lie to your grandson, but don’t tell him more than he can absorb, and don’t badmouth the father. The important thing is that he doesn’t think the father’s absence is somehow his fault.

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Dear Annie: Have the rules of etiquette changed? I have observed people eating in restaurants with hats placed on tables, caps backward on heads, someone using eye drops, another doing a manicure, and I’ve seen lots of people combing their hair and blowing their noses extensively, all while sitting at the dining table.

I always thought that having good manners means being considerate of the people around you. Should I just keep my eyes shut? Please remind people that their behavior could use some improvement.

— Sensitive in the Midwest

Dear Sensitive: It’s unfortunate that a lot of people now think etiquette is passe and no longer applies. But the basic point of etiquette is to behave in a way that is considerate of others. You don’t comb your hair at the table, because it can get in the food. You don’t blow your nose excessively, because it is distasteful to those who are eating. And the new ones: You don’t text at the table, because it means you are ignoring the person sitting with you. A little thoughtfulness goes a long way.

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Dear Annie: “Sad Grandma” wrote that she wants more time with a newborn grandchild, but then stated that she has had shingles twice in the past two months. Hello? That woman has no business anywhere near a child who has not been inoculated for chicken pox until her shingles have completely cleared up and there is no chance of contagion. The child’s safety comes before the grandma’s drama.

— Know Better

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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.